Comments on: Spending Choices and Deeper Psychology

By: Auntielle

Auntielle — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 16:15:20 +0000

Trent, I’ve also seen quite a few readers asking for more Food posts, and even mentioning hoping you’ll start a food blog. As much as you put into TSD, I can’t imagine you having time to maintain a food blog, but I’m definitely in with those who look forward to your cooking posts!

By: Trent

Trent — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 13:30:56 +0000

Part of what makes The Simple Dollar interesting is that I have very different readers. Kate, for example, likes these kinds of posts. Other readers quite vocally like the “calculating down to the last penny” posts.

I try to post a mix of things because I know different readers like different things, but also because I enjoy writing a variety of things.

By: Shelley

Shelley — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 13:06:09 +0000

This is the time of year I miss my Mom, my Grandmother and and my Aunt Rita the most, though none of them died anywhere near Christmas. I’m lucky in that I can do the things Mom did around Christmas, like putting up a great big tree (a fake tree I bought years ago with ornaments Mom collected since 1945), make hand-made gifts like super sewer Rita and cook big meals from scratch like my Grandmother. None of these costs a great deal. I have no siblings, children, parents, or grandparents, but I have a great partner and his children who come to us on Boxing Day. Like you, I’m always really relieved when the holidays are done, but blogging about my family’s traditions this year has really been a pleasure. Happy Christmas to you and yours, Trent!

By: Leah

Leah — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 08:19:06 +0000

Thanks for sharing. I have a different problem, but it still makes Christmas vexing. I don’t currently have a job, and the field I’ve been in for the last year and a half (switching fields) doesn’t pay well. So, I don’t feel comfortable spending a lot on christmas. However, I’ve got a really health emergency savings account. Between the two, I mostly end up feeling like a horrible person. There are things I’d like to buy people, and I would buy them if I just had a darn job. Sometimes I feel guilty for having the savings and not spending any of it — I’m trying really hard to make due on the bits and pieces of income I do have coming in, but it’s not like I don’t *have* the money. The worst is when my friends with good jobs but lots of debt (poor money management) buy me dinner while I’m home for the holidays. Yes, I make less . . . but my net worth is much greater than theirs.

I like the idea of trying to separate your wallet from the feelings of the season. I do get caught up in all the Christmas stuff. Realistically, my boyfriend and I don’t need to exchange presents — we live together, and that’s present enough. But then I think of cool things he might like, and then I buy him something modest and wish I had spent more.

I’m definitely looking forward to having a steady income at some point, but I hope I can still keep this tip in mind. Truly, it’s a fun and awesome thing to give gifts, but there are so many emotions that go along with Christmas that get wrapped up with all the fun stuff.

By: Auntielle

Auntielle — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 07:05:43 +0000

I really appreciate you sharing this post with us, Trent. Know that you’re not alone; Christmas is a difficult time for many of us – for various reasons. I think your plan to do as much of your Christmas shopping ahead of time as possible is a great strategy. Separating the actual spending on gifts from the time you know you’re going to be dealing with difficult emotions greatly lessens the chance that you’ll feel any guilt from your gift choices and expenditures.

As far as the emotional pain you deal with every Christmas, I’m so glad you have Sarah and your children to love and be loved by. Fortunately, there are a myriad of opportunities for you to create and participate in the making of the happiest of family memories for you all. Make each Christmas full of the kinds of experiences that are more treasured than any material gift you could give them. In the quietness of your heart, bless the loved ones who have gone before, and honor their lives by living to the fullest each day.

Blessings to you and yours this Christmas, Trent. And thanks again for sharing.

By: lurker carl

lurker carl — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 20:56:39 +0000

Haunting various holidays and celebrations with the anniversaries of deaths is a personal decision, strive to unlink those events. You must turn those negative feelings of loss and resentment into positives of love and compassion. Death becomes a frequent visitor as you get older, learn to relish their lives instead of focusing on the final moments.

By: Johanna

Johanna — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 19:45:13 +0000

I made an emotional decision to move apartments earlier this year. My old place was in the basement, and sometimes during a heavy rain, water would get in and I would have to mop it all up. This would happen a couple of times a year – so, not a huge deal in the grand scheme of things, but really frustrating when it was happening.

Sometime in the late spring, a huge rainstorm came through and made a big mess. “Never again,” I said, and immediately set out to look for a new place. Within a week, I had signed a lease – for a much, much higher rent.

I don’t count this as a “poor decision” – I don’t regret it, I love my new place, and I was running a big enough surplus before that I can easily afford the higher rent now. But I do suspect that if I’d approached the situation more calmly, I might have been able to get a better deal for myself.

But back to the original topic: It seems really sad to me that a handful of tragic events from a long time ago can ruin Christmas for you forever after. I hope that one day you’ll be able to work through your feelings and have a Christmas without the bitterness.

By: DivaJean

DivaJean — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 19:12:15 +0000

I too get caught up in holiday shopping and emotions. For the past few years, I try to have my shopping finishing up on Black Friday and Cyber Monday. It’s really helped me stick to the budget.

By: Tammy

Tammy — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 19:03:30 +0000

I blew the Christmas budget this year…not by much, but enough to bother me just a little bit. My little girl is 4 and I kept seeing things that she would just love. I want to make her Christmas really special, and I got carried away. Again back to the cash vs. plastic argument, I think I track where my money goes better with my debit card, because my Christmas cash stash disappeared quickly, with people still left on my list. I think I am going to increase my automatic savings deduction so I have a bigger Christmas fund next year. Then I’ll have the extra cash to blow without the guilt.

Someone at my bank had the idea of “Christmas Checking”…a free checking account used only for the holidays, with the same idea as my Christmas savings…you still can do the automatic deposits, except you can get a debit card instead of carrying the cash. It might work better for me so I can track where it all went. When it’s gone, it’s gone.

By: partgypsy

partgypsy — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 18:21:10 +0000

Christmastime, I am very prone to overspending, trying to be “Santa” for everyone I love. I want my children to feel like they are being taken care of, that they are loved, and there is an abundance at Christmastime. At the same time, people on my side of the family are going through a rough time with unemployement or underemployment and I want them to feel good and not have a feeling of scarcity at this time of the year. If someone is having an especially bad time, I want them to have something to look forward to. There is no way I can separate my emotions from my Christmas shopping, because they are all tied together. I don’t have too much regret, because I enjoy shopping, wrapping, the whole experience. I come to accept that’s how I’m built. But I hope to keep to a better budget next year.

By: Shannon

Shannon — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 17:44:32 +0000

Just remember that there are millions in a far worse situation than you are. Be grateful for what you have…

By: Diane

Diane — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 17:37:08 +0000

Bill, don’t be a hater.

By: chacha1

chacha1 — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 17:33:14 +0000

I have the opposite problem. I tend to not buy for anybody except DH, my parents, and my sister, and then I end up feeling a little guilty about neglecting others. I don’t do cards, either, so every time I get one I think, “oops.”

On the sentimentality spectrum, I’m way down, like ultraviolet. This does make life easier in one respect: I’m not constantly dealing with emotional reactions to things. But then I do fear sometimes that I fail to express just how much I value the people in my life.

By: steven@hundredgoals.com

steven@hundredgoals.com — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 17:16:53 +0000

Posts like these remind us that you’re human and struggling right along with the rest of us. Thanks.

By: Bill

Bill — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 16:56:44 +0000

@#3 Bill,

That was a bit harsh.

By: Anne

Anne — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 16:50:41 +0000

Geez, Bill. As one of my dear friends (from Iowa no less!) would put it “What a snotty-butt thing to say.”

By: Kate

Kate — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 16:36:29 +0000

Have to disagree with Bill…these are the kinds of posts that keep me coming back (with apologies once again for the negative post that I did yesterday–wish that there was a delete button). I like them much better than the “calculating down to the very last penny how much you can save” posts (which could explain my strong reaction yesterday).

By: tambo

tambo — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 16:31:00 +0000

I HATE Christmas, have for years. Not because of money and the vast ‘spending opportunities’ but because it’s always a huge hassle to juggle the absolutely opposing ‘Christmas expectations’ between my husband (minimalist) and my mother (all out extravaganza). Fights abound, crying, screaming, manipulating, and two sides tugging me this way and that with plenty of guilt and frustration to spare. There’s NO WAY to win, no way to find a middle ground, so I just stick my fingers in my ears, bake cookies, and pray for it to pass quickly. I wish the calendar would flip from Thanksgiving right to New Years and spare me some anguish, drama, and fighting between people I love. I just want it over with and I’m hanging on til Saturday.

By: Bill

Bill — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 14:47:19 +0000

I’m getting pretty sick of these “emotional” self-righteous posts about how you have a difficult life. Boo. Hoo. Grow a backbone and learn how to get your spending under control.

By: karyn

karyn — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 14:41:11 +0000

Thanks for sharing this. It was nice to have a post with a more “emotional” tone to it. I tend to make poor spending choices when it comes to my kids. Sometimes I see something that I just know they’ll love and sometimes I’m trying to assuage guilt over not giving them nearly as much as most American children have. This is especially true around Christmas and their birthdays. I try to tell myself that three nice gifts should be ideal (that’s what Jesus received, after all) but somehow I keep finding this great thing and that great thing. I shop early in the year but then I seem to pick up more stuff! Despite your losses around this time of year, I hope you have a wonderful Christmas and enjoy the little ones!