Now I used cloth diapers and a diaper service because it was less expensive and more my style, but used disposables when traveling.

I have family members who have no retirement, the house will not be paid off until they are 72 and they go through cars, expensive cars like kleenex. They ate out all the time and because of life style choices, have spent tons of money on lawyers. After all the drama and trauma, they envy us because we are retired and are 57 and 55 years old respectively. So I may be frugal, but I dress well, drive a lovely car and have everything paid off. I travel and help my children achieve their dreams, college grads with NO debt whatsoever.

The last thing I do is stay home, laugh and count pennies. What a sad person she is. I am glad you are her friend, she needs one.

I’ve changed my lifestyle drastically since quitting my great paying job. My friends still love me even though they know that I will probably never again pay an entire group’s meals. I have found out that people love me for me and not for my previous, misguided, generosity.

I tell them all I’m on a serious budget. They understand why I quit, they probably are secretly a little envious, but I have not had one negative experience from displaying my frugality. Actually, I do think I’ve been made fun of, but I take it in stride and take the joke.

Everyone understands that my $ is going toward savings for my summer cross-country motorcycle rides. And I get some really good belly-laughs from my friends when I tell them about the funny fights I have with my husband who “dares” to throw out a used, but still good, ziplock bag. Or how I’ve rationed out his toilet paper.

It takes maturity and self-confidence to do what I’ve done – sometimes you have no choice, as with people who are laid off and have small children. My heart goes out to them. But know that the discomfort comes from the ego. Tell that ego to shut the hell up and go on to do what you know you need to do.

I understand that “appearances” are important to virtually every human alive – so start talking about your need to be frugal. Your friends will appreciate your honesty and likely they will come clean about their own financial issues so you can partner-up and find some closet frugalists that can help you succeed.

I have a girlfriend that makes a ton of $. She had a bit of a hard time adjusting to my new frugality. She’d call and say, “Hey, let’s meet up at ___ and have a couple of drinks. They have really great appetizers, too.” I saw this as a $50 expense – which was what I used to do on a whim. At first I was uncomfortable telling her “no”, but after explaining a few times about how I don’t want to spend that $, she’s learned to back off on the spending. I invite her over, instead, to have one of my fantastic homemade Mexican dinners (I even make tortillas from scratch), and she brings the wine. Tonight I did agree with her to go out with her and some of my old friends – but she know’s I’ll be having ONE martini and that the rest will be water. She’s delighted that I’m going to join her cause I’m funny and fun as hell! And I’m going to really enjoy this outing since I haven’t had one in two months.

Good luck.

“Your financial health is far more important than saving face socially.”

This is the heart of the issue. While this holds true for Steve, Trent, and probably most readers of this blog, I doubt that Trent’s friend would say the same. Nor should she feel compelled to. People have different priorities in life and guess what, that’s okay! Maybe the audience of this blog may disagree, but for many people being frugal is not the most important value in their lives, and that doesn’t make them lesser human beings.

Solution: find some frugal friends. Grad students are the best for me. And POTLUCKs are your friend. I’m having one tomorrow – homemade bread (irish soda, very quick and easy), african peanut stew, and my friends are bringing dessert. Yum.

So if you go out for dinner with a group of friends who like to order $80 bottles of wine – and you don’t drink or don’t WANT to drink that night – speak up and insist on a separate check versus “splitting the bill four ways.”

Remember, your financial health is far more important than “saving face” socially.

Hey don’t knock it- cackling is good for your health :-) !

Seriously, Frugality should be about creativity not depravation- firgure out what you really want and figure out how to get your real desire without spending a fortune. I wrote a post on that topic on Dec 14th.

-Rick Francis

I guess the old question “how’s it working for you?” isn’t triggering any need to change since she’s not acknowledging the truth of her current situation. Sadly, this person hasn’t realized that if this kind of thing is seriously important to her, she could hopefully gear her life to accomodate going out all the time by cutting back in other areas that are less important. She could call herself the “frugal partier”, set up a web site and everything, maybe even make some money off it.

Trent could work with her to make a spin off blog. :)

The best part is knowing that, if there’s something I really want, I can afford it. Money goes a lot further, by the way, when you’re not throwing it away on paying interest.

And a pony.

She’s going to get a serious wake-up call one of these days, and I wouldn’t want to be in her shoes when she does.

If you value the above things, make cuts in other areas. If you can’t afford the above things even with cuts, then you’ll have to refocus either by getting more active income, saving to get more passive income, or substituting with things you can afford (maybe even re-evaluating what is important to you).

But, I do notice how much friends enjoy a fun evening in the home for dinner, ours or theirs. I bet others are relieved to have a social event that isn’t costing a lot, even if they are not publicly frugal.