Regarding the assertion that a homemaker’s effective “salary” works out to $120k, or whatever other outrageous number you want to put forth. That calculation is based on the absurd assumption that the homemaker is performing several jobs that could be outsourced to a professional (chef, accountant, nurse, etc.), then multiplies the salaries of those jobs by the number of hours the homemaker spends doing them.

The reason that calculation is nonsense is because it assumes that the homemaker is doing all of those jobs with the same degree of skill and expertise of the actual educated and experienced professionals she’s being compared to. I’m sorry, but being able to pay your phone bill online does not make you an accountant. Putting a bandaid on a skinned knee does not make you a paramedic. Stirring some milk and butter into a pot of Kraft Dinner does not make you a chef.

That’s why that “study” always irritates me.

To be a devil’s advocate if you wanted to give a fuller accounting you would also have to take into account the benefits of being the stay at home parent, such as being there for their first milestones (first word, walking, drawings), able to attend school events and meetings, extra hugs and confidences, all the experiences that contribute to them growing and changing into the person they become. Yes, stay at home parents make sacrifices, but you have to acknowledge the working parent is also making a sacrifice for their family. They also bear the stress of being the sole wage earner for a family, not insignificant in these times. My point being, is that a successful partnership means each partner appreciates what the other brings to the table, but should also be flexible to adjust if need be the roles.

Yes. The number is inflated and grossly so. The easiest way to calculate the unrealized salary of a SAHP is to look at salary figures for full time caregivers. I can assure you, the average full time caregiver does not make $129K/year. The magazine arrived at the $120K figure by assigning a dollar value to everything a typical SAHP does during the entire day, but this isn’t how real life works. I do many things outside of my job that I’m not compensated for. I mow the lawn every weekend, cook, clean, do laundry, etc. The “value” of these tasks doesn’t get added to my salary.

I understand that the magazine article was just trying to make a point about the many things SAHPs do that go unnoticed, but suggesting that the average SAHP saves a family $120k per year is a huge stretch.

No, the number isn’t inflated, but it also wouldn’t work out to 240K for 2 of you either. The number is based on the jobs that the average SAHP takes on, like driving the kids to various events (chauffeuring) or housekeeping (maid), cooking (chef), childcare (daycare provider). If you hired people to do all the things a SAHP does, it would cost you around 120K a year.

I’ve always found this number fascinating, it’s a comment on our society that often looks down at people who choose to stay home yet will happily work full time and pay others to do the same thing. SAHP contribute quite a bit and yet many people look down on them calling them lazy or telling them that they should be out getting a job to help pay for all the “stuff”.

Firstly, there are shortcuts that can make house duties for working parents easier, without a significant loss in quality. Bulk cooking certain dishes for the freezer is not all that much worse than cooking from scratch every day.

As others have said, older children can and should be encouraged to chip in with household chores (cleaning their own room, washing dishes, help with laundry) – and once they are helping, they might realise that they can take more off the load by behaving differently (if they do laundry, they might think twice about tossing a barely used item in the hamper, or with dishes they might rinse a water glass straight away instead of leaving in the sink).

On that note, I would recommend taking a look at all the housework done and examining how much of it is necessary chores, how much is money saving hard work, and how much is “proud housewife” i.e. justifying being a SAHP (such as cleaning more frequently than necessary or making particularly elaborate meals)?
If Pam went back to work, the necessary chores would still need doing (perhaps with a different division of responsibility), the money saving work would be desirable (but perhaps no longer as pressing to do it all), and the proud housewife stuff could be discarded (because, as Pam herself put it, she isn’t wonder woman).

It is possible that he wants her to work full time because he realizes that his job isn’t actually secure, but he doesn’t want to worry her by telling her that. It is also possible that he sees that she is becoming more confident and secure with her part time work and wants to help her continue grow as a person. She is certainly young enough to work her way up and perhaps get a degree to move into a high-paying job someday. Maybe he is not secure about his health and wants her to start becoming self-sufficient.

In any case, an older woman who has not worked for a decade or two in this economy is at such a serious disadvantage that getting a minimum wage job is a major accomplishment.

I am ashamed to say that when I was a teenager, my parents discussed having my mother go back to work. Selfishly, my brother and I voted against it. Her mental health and self-confidence today would be so much better had she had a life outside of us.

And if something had happened to my father, she would have been much more financially secure than she would be with just life insurance. We did see what happens to investments sometimes, but job skills don’t nosedive like stock markets.

These are at least as important to consider as crunching the raw numbers on a spreadsheet.

Like you, I didn’t think I’d ever be able to afford to stay home with my kids. We were in major debt with maxed out credit cards and negative balance on our checking account (to the point that we hit the max negative the bank would let us go). Bills that literally hadn’t been paid in months. We were rock bottom. We also had 2 full time income, with 1 child and 1 on the way.

We signed up with a financial counselor (mentioned it on Trent’s previous post about the subject) who is still teaching us quite a bit about finances. A month after we signed up with her, I lost my job (it was mid 2007, so it was the beginning of the economic mess). Being 5 1/2 months pregnant I was having a very hard time finding a job (the temp agencies wouldn’t even consider me for anything beyond a substitute for a day or week).

We did what we had to do in order to make ends meet. We cut out cable. We had an entertainment budget of $30 a month. This was to cover basically anything fun, including eating out. As people who ate out 3-4 times a week, it was a shock to the system. We kept our internet but used that for 90% of entertainment needs. There was no clothes budget, we made do. Our food budget was $250 a month and gas was $150 a month. Even though we wanted to, we didn’t move to a bigger place. The kids got hand me downs (we were fortunate to have 2 daughters) and if was new, it was from a relative or friend.

I finally got a part time job at night about 8 months ago, just shy of 2 years since I lost my job. I work graveyards between 1-4 nights a week, depending on the schedule that week. Over those years and even now, I’ve looked for a full time job to supplement what my husband brings home, but without anything full time in the evenings/graveyard (or paying twice what I used to make) we’d lose money through daycare and work related expenses. In that same time period, all of our family budget (food, gas, entertainment) went up. We even were able to take a family vacation for my dad’s wedding. We haven’t moved yet but it’s part of the goals we have set and are working hard toward.

It’s possible if you want to make it happen and are willing to sacrifice some of the stuff we think we need.

As for Pam, I think she & her husband need to sit down and figure out what’s important to them and their goals. Once they have that, they can go through and see if they will reach those better if Pam stays home or goes back to work full time.