@Mike – What do you mean by “cash in” the whole life policies? Are you planning to terminate the policies or just take a loan? If you terminate the policies, then any gain above the premiums you’ve paid in will be considered taxable gain. Not the best idea. If you’re just planning to take a loan and keep the policy, then your plan could work. In your case, since you want a lump-sum to pay off your mortgage in 20 years, it actually sounds like a 20-year ROP term policy would be the most appropriate. That’s the exact type of use that ROP term was designed for. And the lump sum you receive in 20 years would be tax-free, since it just represents the total amount of premium you’ve paid in over 20 years, plus you would’ve had the death benefit coverage for 20 years. Often the internal rate of return on an ROP policy comes out to around 5% tax-free, depending on your age and health rating.

Trent, I almost always agree with you, but you got this one dead wrong.

Jena – credit utilization is part of what makes up your FICO and determines your credit worthiness. even though you pay off your balnce you may be using a high percentage of your availalbe credit. Try getting another card and rotating some purchases on it.

You don’t seem to have an issue with getting advice from people on the Internet; so, why not expand your search to common Internet dating sites? If you want to cut right to the chase, the ‘net is probably your most direct path to meeting people who want what you want. The ‘net is rife with people who are expressly looking for a relationship, even at your age. For example, my dad, who is in his 50s, has had quite a few successful relationships over the past decade from Internet dating, including three that lasted for multiple years. You might get lucky and end up in a “’til death do us part” situation, but barring that, at least you’d have companionship for however long the relationship lasts. (Some experts would argue that we aren’t wired for lifelong commitments anyway, but that isn’t a can of worms that I particularly care to open right here.) The point is, your life is not “basically over”, so get over it and get a move on. Good luck.

@Gina – You’re $80,000 in debt, plus a mortgage, and you’re deliberately having more babies? Your problem is *not* that there are too many confusing financial strategies; Your problem is that you clearly don’t have one. You don’t “have” to visit your overseas family every other year, that’s a choice. You don’t “have” to impregnate yourself with babies you can’t afford, that’s a choice. You don’t “have” to spend more than you earn. That’s a choice. Pick any strategy that involves spending less than you earn, and *choose* to stick to it. Stop pretending the financial world is “sooooo confusing” like you’re some sort of victim. Start to make better choices. Today.

@Mike – Whole Life insurance policies are not the evil deception that most financial guri will tell you they are. It is a perfectly valid, legitimate, low-risk investment vehicle. The nice thing is that the guaranteed minimum return is a known quantity. Unlike a stock or mutual fund, it can not lose money when the economy tanks (unless the insurance company itself goes under, but even then, the company’s reinsurance usually covers that.) Trent’s argument against it because the seller makes a commission is weak; stock brokers, fund brokers, bond brokers – these people ALL make a commission on the products they sell. Part of your principal and/or returns are ALWAYS recaptured by those people as either commissions or operating fees. That does not, per se, invalidate the vehicle as a good financial option.

I took out whole life policies in my early 20s, and I bought a house in 2009 when the stock market was still way down. Rather than sell stock funds at a loss, I used life insurance policy loans to help make the down payments. The nice thing about owning whole-life insurance was that unlike my 401k, my IRA, and my non-retirement stock funds, the cash value in the whole-life policy continued to grow at its reliable old 4.5% pace, even when the market crashed in 2008. It is essentially a hedge fund, akin to buying bonds, but with more flexibility. It is a great source of “creditless credit” at a very decent rate, with no approval process, in a down market. (And yes, I am now in the process of paying it back.)

In an endlessly rising market, like we saw in the 20th century, your overall return will be better buying term insurance and investing the difference in stock funds. So I suppose the true answer to your question is: Do you think the 21st century will feature the same “endlessly rising market” that we saw in the 20th century? If you are confident that it will, then buying term and investing the difference would be consistent with your belief. On the other hand, leaving it where it is could be a decent hedge in a stagnating or falling market. (Hint: if any of us could predict that with certainty, he or she wouldn’t be sitting hear reading a frugality blog.)

Also, many of these policies offer money up front if a terminal diagnosis is made later in life, which can pay off medical expenses. Then the surviving spouse will probably have a paid-off house (from payments made over the years) and no medical bills.

I assume that he knows that you don’t want to collect on insurance, but his heart and mind are in the right place, wanting to protect his wife should the worst happen.

Joseph (#29) responded with the point that “you can lose your money in a Roth IRA.” There is an easy answer to this, however. Don’t invest the money in anything risky. You can put it in a Roth IRA and still keep it in cash. A Roth IRA is a compartment for investments; it is not itself an investment of any kind. It is not true that Roth IRAs are risky and bank accounts aren’t. Only investments can be risky.

If you can manage to build up your emergency fund before you have to tap the Roth, then all is great and you got your investment in the Roth that you otherwise wouldn’t have gotten. If you do have to tap it, then you’re no worse off than if you took Trent’s (incorrect) advice. You lost the opportunity to invest, but Trent’s advice lost that for you anyway.

When I was first starting out, I had a choice between putting my money in an IRA and draining my emergency fund or just keeping the emergency fund. I drained the emergency fund every year for a couple of years, never needed it, and got a couple of years head start on my retirement I wouldn’t have gotten had I followed Trent’s advice. Christine Benz’s advice can never hurt you; it can only help. Just remember not to invest the money in anything risky until you can afford to.

Everybody is like a jewel with many facets that reveal interests, abilities and so on. There’s nothing wrong with showing someone the facets that actually exist in you and that speak to some kind of commonality between the two of you. Pretending an interest in hunting or smoking cigars just to meet a guy is stupid and dishonest and will leave you alone and disgruntled when he spends all of hunting season in the woods, with the guys, drinking beer and smoking cigars.

As for the bar scene, I’m always amazed by the people who think you can find someone at a bar! Sure, guys who drink a lot and flirt with lots of girls, while spending a ton of money. If that’s what you want in a man, okay, but it’s pretty much the antithesis of what I wanted.

Where de Ruiter really lost me and I started to throw up in my mouth was where he suggested becoming a golddigger and using a job (with access to medical and financial records) to determine who would be the best victim.

But learning not to spout negative comments about what jerks men are in general and how awful one’s ex was in particular will make *everyone* more comfortable around a woman, not just the men. Women vent with their friends every so often but some women just never turn it off and then wonder why they don’t get a lot of social invites.

overall, postdocs are tricky because they are such transient positions and nobody is really willing to make a solid commitment to you.

you are doing well for a phd stipend, though, if that is any consolation.

No one should EVER lie about who they are, or pretend to be someone they aren’t to “catch” a husband. It’s dishonest and you’ll be miserable forever. Love me, love my issues and STFU about it.

Don’t get hung up on being 40-something. That’s about the age by which many divorces have happened, and there will be many divorcees out there looking for someone. The ones worth knowing are looking for someone their own age, not a trophy partner half their age. We recognize that it takes time to turn perky young grapes into a fine wine.

My 4 year old has had several music classes at the local community center. The current one is run by Musikgarten — 5 classes for $33. A good deal when I compared rates to the private music programs around here.

I liked all the suggestions about getting kid instruments like a xylophone, which they can just play on. But unless you know how to play something yourself, buying any real instrument needs to wait until she can take lessons.

My sister-in-law bought a piano thinking she would teacher herself and the kids. A few years later she finally realized this wasn’t going to happen by osmosis and sold it.

I second Kindermusic / Musicgarten / whatever is available locally. The programs are geared to young kids and integrate listening, moving, playing and singing, and are fun fun fun.

My daughter loved being in MusicTogether and Musicgarten. The programs involve the parents and are a lot of fun. MucicTogether is a very research-based program on how children learn.