The only difference is that I had several good size boxes and plastic trash bags which I had the kids fill as they picked out their old and less desired toys. Then they went with us to the Salvation Army store, or to the church rummage store and helped me deliver them. I believe that made them feel more of a part of the whole thing.

When the toys accumulated, I would watch carefully for a week or two. Then I would get a large box and install what toys they weren’t playing with on a regular basis. In about 6 months, I would bring down the box and, usually with their approval, put up the ones they were tired of for another 6 months. Worked great. Although, I always teased them later that their stockings became the most expensive gifts in their teens. CD’s, DVD’s, watches, cosmetics, etc.

We kept most of the toys in the garage in clear Rubbermaid boxes: the Barbie box, the racecar/Hotwheels box, Legos, Duplos, wooden train, blocks, babydolls, kitchen/playhouse toys, puzzles, some even in boxes sorted by the kids into their own unique categories. We would vary as to how many “boxes” could be out at a time, and the kids loved the system as well as sorting things into boxes to put away when it was time to make a switch.

It was a really flexible and useful system that evolved and worked for us over the years. Great for times like; the Lego box (or something else with small pieces) could only be out when “the baby” was asleep. This helped older kids be very aware of what types of things would be dangerous if a young child would put it in their mouth. Only a couple of boxes were toys that just belonged to one kid, most were “everybody’s.”

If a particular box went for a long time without anyone requesting it, we could either seriously consider whether the toys were worthy of keeping, OR, have fun discovering the toys all over again as if they were new.

There are so many ways this system worked that I can’t even explain them all here. Toys stayed in great condition, usually with all their pieces, which made for impressive toys the kids could sell when we had our few garage sales. We’d sort the toys into ziplock bags: Barbies with brushed hair and accessories, with the price written on the bag. Ziplocks worked for “little junk,” too. Kid’s meal toys, tiny balls, whistles — 10 or 15 items in a gallon ziplock marked at $1 was a bargain for young shoppers. We may have held on to toys longer this way and had too many…but, since they were stored clean and organized in the garage, we actually sold enough “little kid” toys at a garage sale when the kids were school-aged for them to buy our first used Nintendo video game system.

Today, our kids are high-school and up, but I still have 1 box of play food/kitchen/preschool toys for visitors, and 1 BIG box of Duplos (by far the single best toy for the widest age spread, IMHO), and 1 box that has a few special toys that each of our kids wants to keep “forever.”

The other thing that worked along with this system (just when they were very young), was that
we used the 2 bedrooms we had for them as a sleep room (having only bed, clothes, books and stuffed animals in it) and a play room. This kept the rest of the house fairly clutter-free, and also made for a great sleep environment. We’d leave a low light on, and all kids went to bed at once (great for parents!). The older kids had peaceful winding-down time reading, and the little ones usually went right to sleep, or copied their older sibs “reading” before conking out. They had very natural sleep patterns – went to “bed” when it was time…went to sleep when they were sleepy. Don’t get me wrong, of course they’d fight or become disruptive on occasion, but looking back, I think this routine continued on to great sleep habits even today. I certainly appreciated not having 4 different bedtimes that basically took the entire evening away from Mom and Dad.

She’s coming to visit in a few weeks and maybe she’ll figure out why. :-)

We’ll be doing a declutter purge after she leaves.

Another thing to consider – the cheap junk from China is actually not always a bad thing. A lot of it will break after a few weeks of play, and then it will be something that can go into the trash can.

I give my nieces and nephews Kinder Surprises (Chocolate + a small toy). They eat the chocolate, play with the toy for a few hours, and then the toy either gets thrown in with a box of similar toys (they’re all about the size of a peanut – appropriate for kids over age 3 only) or into the trash after a few days. The kids LOVE it, and it’s one thing I can afford even though I’m blessed with 26 nieces and nephews from just my side of the family.

The in-laws aren’t stupid; they know they’re a bit excessive about gift-giving, and we’ve been subtly warned not to address it (under threat of more Toys that Make Noise). DS loves the toys, even if they’re not the wooden European things we would have gotten for him. We’ve just adjusted so that Santa only fills stockings and my family sticks to books and experiences.

DS loves all his relatives equally. I think so far we’ve done a pretty good job with materialism… he hasn’t gotten the gimmies yet. It probably also helps that he’s a Christmas baby so most of the year he isn’t getting anything (the in-laws do send candy, clothes, and small things for holidays, and my parents send books, but again, the Easter bunny, halloween candy buyer, and other assorted holiday folks adjust accordingly). It’s still too much stuff, but we can always cull.

We usually have the kids weed out their toys twice a year- at the beginning of summer and before the holidays. We do put up some of the toys the older ones are through with and reintroduce them to the little ones at another time. That seems to cut out the grabs to take back something that was previously determined to be babyish.

And, if necessary, you may need to set limits. Does that go against the normal rules of gift giving? Yes, but having witnessed this first hand with my brothers kids and our parents, I know how important it is to have this conversation, even if it is ignored.

Some of these gifts are not small and create real issues for the parents and, more importantly, conflict with the parents overall values (which THEY do get to set and enforce) and house “rules.”
(Not to mention unnecessary conflicts between children because there are far too many grandparents who do indeed have favorites among the grandchildren. I’ve seen it time and time again. Talk about setting up a family of brothers and sisters against each other. Whoa boy.)

Not to mention that kids are smart, even little ones, and not above manipulating the gift-givers to get the very things that parents have expressly forbidden (cell phones, designer clothes, video games, electronics, etc.)

Just because you are appreciative of gifts and respect the gift-givers doesn’t mean you should avoid a serious discussion of what you are trying to do in raising your family. It’s a serious mistake to NOT have this discussion, despite the discomfort.

In fact, I’d take it one step further and make it clear that giving things that violate the ground rules you’ve outlined WILL result in them being returned. Does this sound cruel? Well, here’s the thing. There is a respect that needs to be shown for your role as parents, even if you are the grandparent and disagree. it’s NOT your call.

There is so much emotional manipulation that goes on with gift-giving at all levels (whether grandparents admit it or not). creating limits is one way to help everyone, and not just the kids, learn about the nature of gifts, etc.

And there is another important aspect to consider. In some families, one set of grandparents and relatives may be very well off financially, while the other side is not.

This can create a lot of long-term issues as young kids, who are highly malleable, start to view one set of folks as “better” because they come bearing “stuff” they want. And do not delude yourself, kids are easily swayed by stuff, no matter who they are. It’s human nature.

To me, as some others have mentioned, it should be all about personal and even home-made gifts for the kids.

Someone here wrote:
“Encouraging friends/family to have a special story that they read/tell your kids or a special song/game/activity that they do with your kids will give them even more of a bond than gifts.”

This is brilliant and the way it should be. I still remember fondly the uncle who, as a child, not only read to me, but who taught me to read at age 4.

That gift literally created a whole world for me that was much needed to help offset a lot of family stuff. And it set me on a course that literally changed my life.

I can think of many relatives who taught kids to cook, to fish, to create crafts…all based on the love of sharing what they loved, passing it on and helping to expose those kids to arts, music, crafts, sports, etc.

This is what creates real bonding. Not the stuff.
(And please, remember when you were a kid. We all wanted stuff, whether, in the good old days, it was a bike, ballet slippers or lessons, etc.)

And if grandparents and others want to be super generous, they should be welcome to contribute to a child’s educational fund.

Parents DO have the right, I would even say an obligation, to set limits and maintain them, even if it means others are not happy.

Anyone who really loves a child, will respect that child’s parents wishes and find more creative ways to give gifts, hopefully of themselves.

I’m a doting aunt and I always consult with the parents re what the kids want, need, etc. as well as trying to create unique experiences one-on-one with my nephew.

By nature, I love giving gifts but I would never buy anything without really thinking about the parents’ value system. Have I had to restrain myself? Sure. The pleasure of being an aunt is often being able to afford something a parent can’t, to get the nephew that really extravagant gift. But…that is about ME, not about the family and so I don’t just do it.

I do not feel that my brother and his wife are being unreasonable or violating my “rights” as a doting aunt.

For those who do not heed the wishes of parents, you should really think about your true motivation.

In my house, the kids like collections. A barbie collection, a polly pocket collection, legos, bionicles, duplo blocks, play food and k’nex are some of the collections. If someone asks what my child wants for Birthday of Christmas, I tell them about the collections. They don’t always buy a barbie, but instead buy clothes or something that would augment the collections. That makes play more fun. Baseplates for legos make great gifts, too. It really allows more than one or two children to play at once. We put the collections in big bins that are easy to pull out and put away. Clear bins are great for this.