“She happily delegated the task to me and I happily took it. . . . I’m the one careful with money. She doesn’t want to be involved. She just wants enough for lunch out with the girls, sodas at work, a nice wardrobe, fancy hair, etc.”

All that—in addition to starting and then dropping an expensive PhD program!

Mrs. Leigh needs to grow up and take some responsibility for herself. Leigh could help her do that.

This business about “taking a break” from a very expensive Ph.D. degree when there are a lot of school loans to pay back doesn’t play well with me. The odds of her actually finishing are very low, so that is money down the toilet. If I were inclined to help her pay her student loan debt, I would make her continuing school as a condition.

I’m concerned that your wife incurred $27K in debt for an unfinished doctoral program. If you pay significant portions of her loans, then she goes back for another year of the program…will it cause problems for your relationship if she postpones it again? Would you consider it unforgivable? If so, don’t pay back her loans. Keep adding to your savings until she gets serious about loan repayment and then consider helping accelerate those repayments.

I’d ask him to do at least a summer of work — the kind of work you do without a degree. At this point in his life it may be more motivating for him to avoid menial labor than it is to work towards some personal fulfillment.

Phil — I have to agree with Trent to some extent. If you hae the money and can match what your family can give you — then take the time to travel. Perhaps even travel related to your degree. Interested in architecture? Then find a well-known architect whose work you admire; make an appointment with him, prepare appropriately and go.

The bottom line is that the loans need to be paid, they will burden your finances and thus the relationship until they are gone. Sit down together, figure it out and get started. To be perfectly honest I don’t see why at your income level you can’t get rid of them in just a few years and have done with it.

If I were in your shoes, I’d ask you and your wife to seriously consider a job change to one where part (or all) of her student loan debt could be forgiven after a number of years of service. Not the easiest thing to find, to be true. But, it might be the long-run best course of action to boost the bottom line.

Good luck.

- I have a very strong suspicion that your financial issues are marital issues in disguise.

I think we’ll always have different monetary philosophies. I believe in preparing for future scarcity and she feels the paychecks will always be coming. If we are blessed, she will be correct. If not, I prefer to be prepared.

But I’m open to the fact that I could be even more generous. It’s just difficult to be so, knowing how much has already been given.

-Since you and your wife have separate finances, how are you dividing the household expenses?

We have it 50/50. I know that sounds selfish, but there is a history where, before she was at this earning level, I was the sole support. I handle all the big expenses and have given her a car, multiple computers, furniture, etc. All things considered, we have an equal standard of living.

-Have you tried to get her involved in her own finances, or are you happy to keep her in the dark?

She happily delegated the task to me and I happily took it. Deep down she knows it’s best, being that I’m the one careful with money. She doesn’t want to be involved. She just wants enough for lunch out with the girls, sodas at work, a nice wardrobe, fancy hair, etc.

I realize it sounds quite uneven, but the challenge is that she took on most of this debt before I even knew her. I married her with debt and accept my part in working it down, but believe — due to our age difference — that I also owe her that I not be a burden in my old age.

Thank you for responding. You’ve given me much to think about.

Try the Johnson O’Connor Research Institute. I was that “not sure what to do” kid 30+ years ago and do not regret doing JO one bit, in fact I just reviewed my results again a few days ago, and today I’m doing pretty much what I planned to do back then. It’s not terribly expensive ($600), which is cheap considering that it’s good for a lifetime.

http://www.jocrf.org/

“The Johnson O’Connor Research Foundation is a nonprofit scientific research and educational organization with two primary commitments: to study human abilities and to provide people with a knowledge of their aptitudes that will help them in making decisions about school and work. Since 1922, hundreds of thousands of people have used our aptitude testing service to learn more about themselves and to derive more satisfaction from their lives.”

Hey I know what you mean about financial advice for us low income urban environment folks and wanted to invite you to my own blog where I discuss many subjects geared to this audience. We have a bit different/more radical approach but I believe you will find it quite useful:

http://thisiswhyuBROKE.wordpress.com
“Because ridicule is the most effective form of education”

Same goes for international adoption, only much more so.

A couple of alternative ideas to consider:
If you really want to do something for your brother (&/or his daughter) how about splitting the cash – use part for them & the other part toward your debt.

OR, set the money aside in an interest bearing vehicle, to be used if he gets married in the future.