So here’s my two cents: You can’t ever get this time back with your child and NO ONE can replace you for your child. It may be that your job will still be there for you if you take some maternity time and you could take six months or a year off and then return to the work-force. This is child #1, right? Are you planning on more? (I don’t recall that anyone has commented on this possibility.) If you are, it will be far more finance-zapping to put TWO in daycare (if they are both young). So maybe you want to think about continuing work with this first one, and then becoming the SAHM with the second. Just another thought!

Best of luck, whatever you decide. And don’t let anyone tell you you’ve chosen poorly! Kudos to you, Mom!

Abigal – If it’s a concern, then you do need something to buffer your son/family and yourself. You say, it’s a risk and ask if its too risky, but you are the person who needs to define the risk. My parents rented their 2nd house (inherited after the death of grandparents) to my brother with no legal document — but they had discussed between them what was the worse that could happen. In a word, not much. The house was paid for and in some disrepair. I like Pattie RN’s advice of having a third party manage the payments.

Monica – I’d suggest not adopting internationally. Among other things, I don’t think the adoption cost estimates include the travel and hotel costs (is there a ‘residency’ requirement?) which can be two or three trips per child.

Julie – I find it easier to deal with a minimum of credit cards and would keep – all other things being equal – the oldest card. All things rarely being equal, I would keep the card that has provided me with the best benefits and customer service.

Sarah – Socialization is the least of your problems and worries. A child gets plenty of socialization with one-on-one time with a parent. Economics appears to be your major problem. At least you have the editorial experience for freelancing as suggested to Meagan. YOU have to decide if becoming a SAHM is your best option and it might be. One thing not mentioned is that budgeting becomes easier with someone at home to do the all the accounting, saving, budgeting and planning to make it work. Best of luck to you.

Have your accountant calculate your taxes two ways – using the foreign income exclusion and the foreign income exemption. Depending on how much time you spend in each country & how much you earned, one may work out better than the other. I lived in Canada for 2+ years spanning 3 tax years, and with my income varying and due to changing “residency” times, I filed one way for the first two tax years and a different way for the third year. Even with paying a pro to do the calc’s, it saved me OODLES of money to do the double calculations and actually earned me a refund all three years on the US side!

SAHM — a good resource when looking for mom/tot groups etc is your public health nurse.

Windshield washer solution — I believe you add alcohol (e.g. rubbing alcohol) for below freezing temperatures. I know there is something, because I’ve seen recipes in Canada.

It is such a great experience, please consider adopting older kids!

Adoption of any kind is a great thing. There is a form of adoption that I have not seen mentioned here: Adopting children who are currently in the foster care system, but are legally free for adoption (meaning their birth parents’ parental rights have been legally terminated). Sometimes this is called “special needs adoption” but there are many children classified as “special needs” just because they are older than an infant or they would like to be adopted as a sibling group.

My husband and I live in Minnesota and have adopted our two wonderful daughters from Texas when they were the ages of 16 and 10, and they are 19 and 13 now. There are many programs that handle this, and oftentimes, your expenses of going through the training and search process, legal fees, etc. can be covered by the state where the children are; you get a tax credit when you adopt (http://www.irs.gov/taxtopics/tc607.html); plus you often get a monthly stipend to help with their care. Children adopted over the age of 13 do not have to account for their adoptive parents’ income when they fill out the FAFSA for college.

My husband and I used Lutheran Social Services for our adoption training (http://www.lssmn.org/adoption/2005/special_needs.html) but you don’t have to be Lutheran (we aren’t).

To get an idea of the children that are looking for forever families, check out http://adoptuskids.org/ and there are many other programs like it.

Please consider adopting older children – they are just as deserving of a forever family as a domestic or international infant, and oftentimes are overlooked when people think about adoption.

In no way shape or form am I saying that it’s perfect or that there aren’t problems but I am learning over the years adoption is one of the best features. Instead of putting the priority on reuniting a broken family or one that is beyond dysfunction, the foster care system needs and revels in successful foster adoptions. Giving these children a permanent, stable home that has been vetted by professions and stood up to the scrutiny of the courts can be a godsend for the children. Yes, it may be somewhat risky for the prospective parents but so is traipsing to a foreign country where you have no assurances that the child is actually available not stolen and not at the mercy of local baby merchants and international red tape.

Adoption is risky yes, so is fostering a child only to see it returned to a bad parent in the hopes that they’ve “recovered.” However, there are also financial resources from the various agencies and governments that you’re not going to receive with foreign adoptions.

Overall, I think I was most struck by your tone in terms of foster-to-adoptions being “inconvenient” or “not a sure thing.” I guess as someone working with these children my focus is not what’s easiest for the prospective parents but what is best for children who are currently at risk.

I’m a little concerned for you when I hear you describe yourself as a drive career woman who loves her job for what it is. Please don’t give that up and choose to stay home just because you think it will save some money – you may be losing more in this trade-off than you think. Being with a small child full-time is grueling. Consider how strong your social network is and how you will get respite care – do you have friends and family who will provide this, or will you need to pay for it? Staying at home is not for everyone, and working doesn’t mean that you don’t adore your child as much as anyone else adores theirs. Speaking frankly, I made the very trade-off you’re considering, and I wouldn’t do it again. (Please note that I am not saying anything negative about stay-at-home parenting in general, only that it’s not for everyone.)

Bottom line: I don’t know if you can make it work to you to stay home or not. It sounds questionable. I’m more concerned about if that would be a wise choice for you personally, and if it would ultimately contribute to or detract from your family’s happiness – because if you’re miserable and stressed and not making ends meet… well, that’s no good for anyone.