I went home and told my mother I would never complain about doing dishes again, even at Thanksgiving. And I never did. When my sister & I had an apartment together, I loved to wash and she loved to dry. Good combo for us.

Now, since I am alone, I put 1/3 – 1/2 tub soapy water in one sink and 1/3 – 1/2 tub water with 1/2 – 1 cup vinegar added. This keeps me from wasting water and I then use the water for other things, such as watering plants, flushing the stool, etc. A dishwasher would be a big waste of money for me.

For what it’s worth, I have four degrees, three in subjects as ‘frivolous’ or more so than yours, and paid for all of them with inherited money. Warning you about alienating the middle class came more from my own past experience, than from any uncharitable interpretation of your situation.

As for dishwashers, we save a lot just by doing our dishes by hand. Breakfast dishes get done in extremely hot soapy water, then I use the same water for cleaning up my bread making/baking utensils, then the same water for wiping stuff down.

The response is never count your chickens before they are hatched.

My great grandmother was in a similar situation at age 90. She had set up some inheritance for her family members. She also wanted to move into assisted living. At 90 she didn’t think that she would be there long, costing over $7000 weekly. Well, she is now 105 and still going very strong. The inheritance has been wiped out.

Secondly, it’s not your money. If your grandfather decides to change his mind and leave everything to charity. Guess what, there is nothing that you can do.

Becky: All too familiar to me!: “I am worried that if I pay off my cards, I will get myself right back into debt because of this mentality of wanting things.” I’d just like to plug Debtors Anonymous, which I’ve found extremely helpful with that mindset. It’s a 12-step org that addresses compulsions, money management, debt repayment, and enlightened self-care all at once.

However, I get the feeling that since you mention it’s kind of pointless to “save” more, that you’re spending because you can and you are aimlessly buying or spending money on things that hit your fancy of the moment and then when you mention it to your family or less well off friends you’re getting the looks or comments which are making you feel guilty.

Maybe you would feel less guilty if you realized it’s kind of pointless to spend gobs of money on things that don’t really matter to you.

That said, if you are meeting your current goals, then you shouldn’t feel guilty no matter how you spend your money. Frugality isn’t about hoarding money, it’s about spending it consciously on those things that give personal joy, despite what others think. If your other goals are met and you love shoes, buy shoes. Love motorcycles, buy motorcycles. Love art, buy art. You are going to have to find the balance for now, and understand that it will change as your life changes since what may be important to you now will be meaningless in ten years.

@Jacob – As a Durham local and researcher – Trent is right. Absolutely go ahead and apply for anything you see. Hiring in this area for those types of jobs take time and due to most being grant funded it is often that the start date is not very soon. Even if they are looking for a candidate to work sooner it will still help to get your name out in the area.

I think it is totally normal to feel how you do. I felt the same way when I graduated from college, and was already making more than my parents made. I would just reiterate that things can change, though. Right now you are in a great place financially, and it sounds like you are doing some good things, like funding your retirement, setting aside emergency money, and buying a home.

What I would challenge you to do is to look at what your life would look like over the next few years if your situation were to change. What if you stopped being happy at your job, or lost it altogether? What kind of protections would you want in place? I think the advice of paying off all non-mortgage debt is very good, but I would add that paying down the mortgage would be amazing as well. Looking into a program like Dave Ramsey might help you to get your financial goals in line at a great time for you to tackle them. Imagine being married in a few years with no mortgage, or single with unlimited freedom to travel, take on part time work, or do whatever you want. Right now you have a tremendous blessing, and it sounds like you know that, but aren’t sure what direction to go in with such a large income shift.

I also want to say that everyone who counsels Amy to seek professional help so quickly need to consider that she is 23, and has a great job right out of college, without a lot of financial guidance from people she trusts. I think that is why she asked the question. Why is it considered okay to be rude to people just because it is an internet forum? Would you say that to someone you just met face to face?

@Todd #28 – I had to re-read your comment twice to make sure you seriously said you love washing the dishes! I HATE washing dishes – and I grew up without a dishwasher too. It may have built character, but my sister and I hated having to wash and dry every night after dinner. At this point in my life I would never consider living anywhere without a dishwasher!

I usually handwash and use the top rack of the dishwasher (right by the sink) as a drying rack. Even when I occasionally used the DW, I often had a few pans or wooden spoons or knives that needed to be handwashed anyway–so now I just handwash everything. I like having everything done and put away at the end, and the little extra time it takes to handwash and dry is my “alone” time to listen to music after dinner.

I have fond memories of washing and drying dishes with my parents as a kid. (Believe me, that was the only way that we in any way resembled the family on “Leave it to Beaver.”)

Does anyone else enjoy handwashing dishes?

Treehugger has a comparison with actual dollar amount (which is probably more what you were expecting to see from Trent). Their conclusion is that, generally, a dishwasher is more efficient. You *can* beat a dishwasher’s efficiency, but you have to try very hard and be very misery about your water use. For most families, the dishwasher saves time and resources.