Comments on: Reader Mailbag: Long Hair, Short Hair

By: Rachel

Rachel — Thu, 23 Sep 2010 22:51:37 +0000

Kymm– I agree with the others that mental health is a must. As far as oral care and weight loss, there are a few helpful websites you could use. SparkPeople has a large and active community of users and ideas for exercise and diet. If you join one of the groups there, you could find the accountability you seem to need, but it’s free. For your teeth, make sure you consistently practice good dental hygiene, so you won’t need your dentist as often. There are some good suggestions at the Ask Dr. Ellie website. I don’t want to risk a link, but it comes up quickly in a web search. Good luck!

By: Victoria

Victoria — Thu, 23 Sep 2010 15:59:10 +0000

Jeff – I do this too. Think about it like this: if you weren’t being so frugal, you’d be out $300 this month, instead of $150!

By: Interested Reader

Interested Reader — Wed, 22 Sep 2010 17:31:36 +0000

Kymm,
I just read your letter and your first priorty needs to be treating your bipolar disorder.

You don’t say if you are currently taking meds or not, but if you aren’t you need to get back on them and you need to see a therapist. The meds will keep things stable, the therapist can help you figure out about priortizing your life. A good therapist can also help you manage the stress that you are going through.

If you aren’t sure about how to find a good therapist I’d recommend contacting your state chapter of NAMI. They have have some really good resources and can help steer you in the right direction.

Take it from someone with bipolar disorder, a good therapist is worth every penny and every second of your time. You need that strong foundation of support in order to get your life on the track.

By: AnnJo

AnnJo — Wed, 22 Sep 2010 16:02:34 +0000

Kymm,
Reading your letter makes me wonder whether you are currently in a hypomanic phase of your illness.

Your letter suggests the elevated mood, flood of ideas, endless energy, and drive for success that can characterize that phase, and while all of those things have positive features, they are also often accompanied by decreased sleep (that ultimately catches up to you and can push you into full mania and psychosis), poor judgment, impulsivity and risk-taking that are not positives and can lead to serious problems for you and your son.

I urge you to get back into treatment. I don’t use the word therapy because that usually means talking, which only goes so far with bipolar disorder. Medication is usually needed.

People with bipolar disorder often resist treatment because the hypomanic phases subjectively feel so good, but I beg you to consider:

At age 26, you have a failed marriage, a child at 17 from someone other than your former husband, and are bringing yet another man into your young son’s life in a significant role. This man may indeed be wonderful and responsible, but the decisions you are making need to be high quality, and untreated bipolar disorder simply does not yield such decisions. Further, you’re worrying about your weight, and have a history of bulimia, a life-threatening disorder.

Getting competent treatment and sticking with it should be your first priority. Deal with vacation planning and SmartyPig accounts later.

By: MrPogi

MrPogi — Wed, 22 Sep 2010 14:55:34 +0000

Regarding the TV, I told DirectTV to take a hike when I found out how great free OTA tv is. Yea, sports are lacking… but are they a “NEED” or a “WANT? Can you get what you need on the internet?

Dump the cable, put up an antenna. It will cost you about 1-2 months worth of cable cost at most. A complete primer on how to get free tv with an antenna is here:
http://cachefreetv.blogspot.com

By: SLCCOM

SLCCOM — Wed, 22 Sep 2010 07:11:15 +0000

Ben, I would keep a close eye on the general economy before dumping a good job. If the economy is still in the toilet then, I would rethink your plan or that $3000 for post-travel expenses will disappear fast.

By: Michelle

Michelle — Wed, 22 Sep 2010 03:10:13 +0000

Every time I read these mailbags I find at least one response where I wonder if Trent actually read the question. In this episode, it’s Ben, the wannabe traveler. He clearly said he wanted to save $3000 for post-travel expenses, but Trent then asked if he had a plan or if he was going to mooch off his parents. I enjoy this blog, but it often seems hastily written. I would actually prefer less content with better editing.

By: Monroe on a Budget

Monroe on a Budget — Wed, 22 Sep 2010 01:12:53 +0000

On the scholarships: even the adult students need to think much farther in advance than you might expect.

The application season is just starting for scholarships that will be awarded in 2011-12 school year – one that came to my newsroom desk today was for non-traditional students. And April 1 is the deadline at the community college in my city for the scholarships it awards during the following academic year – regardless of how old the students are.

By: Vikki

Vikki — Tue, 21 Sep 2010 23:31:43 +0000

@kymm
ask around your circle of friends for people facing the same specific challenges you are and set up a buddy system to help meet goals like budgeting and wiegh loss. I have a budgets buddy (we check in around spending/savings goals every 3 days). I find it incredibly helpful because it reminds me of my real proirities, and talking out my rationalizations/promises helps me be real about them. Maybe a therapy group for depression/bi-polar would be helpful and less expensive the individual sessions. I have some experience with bounceing between the poles, and moderating/treatment for that has some concrete impact on spending/saving as well as weight.
and the buddy system for excercise and grocery shopping is always easier. With some friends really on board for your life changes, you’ll have the life perservers around when the drownding feelings strike again.

By: Stacy

Stacy — Tue, 21 Sep 2010 20:20:13 +0000

Trent–Have you researched the hair donating charities? I have read some conflicting things about what they actually do with the hair donated. Most of them just sell it.

Also, I LOVE She and Him!

By: Daniel

Daniel — Tue, 21 Sep 2010 20:11:18 +0000

@Jeff:

Freaking out over $150 can’t be healthy! Sure, it hurts to lose money, but it sounds ilke this is a one-time honest mistake on your part. Don’t beat yourself up too much.

By: Amanda

Amanda — Tue, 21 Sep 2010 15:36:58 +0000

Ryan-we got a hauppage win tv dvr for our computer. Saves a little over the box from cable company and makes games go so much faster! You can hook up to antenna or cable.

By: Tom

Tom — Tue, 21 Sep 2010 15:13:04 +0000

Andrew, others have said it, but to reiterate, if you’re using in-network doctors, you still get a negotiated discount from the insurance while applying money to the deductible. Who is to say whether you could get a better cash rate yourself?
I have an HDHP/HSA program, and for some simple lab tests, the negotiated discount was significant (like 50-80%). Doctors visits were more like 30%. Maybe if you’re a good negotiator, you could come up with a fair price for service, but I’d be willing to bet your group insurance is just as good if not better.

Also, my plan will start charging fees in the HSA if you drop the HDHP insurance. It didn’t sound like you were thinking about that, but just a heads up that something like that could happen.

By: Brittany

Brittany — Tue, 21 Sep 2010 14:02:23 +0000

Jess– Check out FastWeb . com. It’s a website of scholarship opportunities–some are kind of sketchy but many are legit, and you fill out a profile so it tried to narrow the ones it offers you to ones you’re actually qualified for.

Apply for everything–especially the small scholarships. Your chance of winning a bunch of $500 and under scholarships is a lot higher than your chance of gettign one $5000+ one.

By: Jessica

Jessica — Tue, 21 Sep 2010 12:52:37 +0000

FYI on the hair donation – you need a 10-inch PONYTAIL, not just ten inches of hair. It must be braided and held together with a hair elastic on both ends. Anything shorter than that won’t get used, since so much is lost during the wigmaking process – they are generally for young girls (via Locks of Love, anyway) who want the long princess hair look.

I donated three times in 6 years (first when I was 16, then 20, then 22)!

By: Emily

Emily — Tue, 21 Sep 2010 12:18:47 +0000

Trent, I love “Wagon Wheel”! Can’t get enough of it!

By: Courtney

Courtney — Tue, 21 Sep 2010 02:43:46 +0000

Oops, I just re-read Kymm’s letter and saw that she does mention getting child support in the last paragraph. Never mind!

But Kymm, I would make sure that he is truly paying his share of your son’s expenses. If he is, then that should lighten your load considerably when it comes to paying for your son’s dental work, medication, extracurriculars, etc.

By: Courtney

Courtney — Tue, 21 Sep 2010 02:21:06 +0000

Kymm – You didn’t mention getting any child support from your child’s father. Why not? He should be contributing at least half of your son’s expenses.

By: Leah W.

Leah W. — Tue, 21 Sep 2010 01:26:21 +0000

Um, yeah. You can use money from your HSA for medical expenses, and those expenses count toward your deductible. All you have to do is submit the claim.

Read the fine print!

By: valleycat1

valleycat1 — Tue, 21 Sep 2010 01:06:25 +0000

Jess – I assume you are employed at this point – does your employer offer any assistance to employees furthering their education? Also, check with local service organization chapters (Rotary Club, Lions, etc) – many offer scholarships or might be willing to raise funds for you – amounts may be small, but every little bit helps! Also, some public libraries have grant and scholarship research sections, including $ available to individuals – your local library should be able to point you in the right direction (either within the library or to a regional library with the resources).