Comments on: The Post-Christmas Challenge

By: Andrea

Andrea — Mon, 10 Jan 2011 20:00:16 +0000

Yep, definitely want it to be useful and not just another expense for the family. One $10 gift card to Super-Duper-Fun-Center wont do the kid much good if they never get to actually go there becuase the family cant afford to take everyone else or the tickets are $30/person. I’ll definitely give the gift card idea some more thought though and perhaps coordinate with other moms. Thanks!

By: Kate

Kate — Mon, 10 Jan 2011 18:37:28 +0000

Andrea: can you give gift certificates to things? Like the movies, etc.? I think that kids are more used to those kinds of things now and once they use it, it is gone.

By: Andrea

Andrea — Mon, 10 Jan 2011 15:07:08 +0000

I also wonder how the family members who gave these or prior gifts that will now be sold off in the spring/summer will feel knowing that their $25 item was sold for pennies on the dollar. That might be the very thing that helps convince them to either contribute to the experience fund or do things differently. It is wonderful to have generous people around, but I also struggle with the excess. My son received 17 birthday presents (one from each child who attended his party). Talk about excess, and I’m just as guilty becuase you dont want to show up at the party empty handed. We were thankful, and he wrote thank you notes for each item. Most items arent getting played with six months later. Which is a disappointing reality. This post has given me the courage to start giving $7 for a 7 year old when we start making the next rounds of parties. Then there is the opportunity for giving and saving by the recipient not just getting. Hopefully other moms will follow suit.

By: Kate

Kate — Mon, 10 Jan 2011 01:31:31 +0000

I wonder what kind of message is being sent that toys come and go so easily–that cannot be a good message.

By: mike

mike — Sun, 09 Jan 2011 08:41:56 +0000

just a thought. My nephew doesn’t want me to get him any new toys because when he gets a new toy it means an old toy of his has to get thrown out/ yard sale or donation. I wonder what kind of damage is being done here to the child’s self worth. when things he sees as his are discarded without his real and actual consent. yes i know he can be convinved that its for the best going to needy or what not but..aren’t you devaluing gifts he recieves because they create a “problem” for you. Kind of selfish isn’t it…wonder what it is doing to his ability to create attachments and empathy to people. I know attachments to things aren’t really important but its part of creating and developing a sense of appreciation of the world around us and our connections to other people and if your attached to something and mommy and daddy say out it goes anyways how much damage is done????.

By: Kate

Kate — Sat, 08 Jan 2011 21:48:00 +0000

My child and spouse expressed their desire for one present and, if we wanted to do more, to add to a college fund or savings account for our grandchild. It has been a struggle at times because it is a natural desire to want to buy things. It was easier for us than for the other grandparents–our Christmases have always been somewhat minimalistic because we didn’t hve a whole lot extra when our kids were growing up and didn’t believe in going into debt to buy the perfect Christmas.

By: Anitra

Anitra — Sat, 08 Jan 2011 16:22:21 +0000

I am so thankful that, for the most part, my family (and my husbands’) does not go overboard on gifts.

My toddler daughter is the only grandchild/niece until our baby is born later this month. She did have a pile of presents as big as the one for 4 adults… but in retrospect, a lot of those presents weren’t toys – they were clothes or consumables (candy, mostly, but that’s another story). There were also a lot of art supplies – not all of them age-appropriate, but I can store the ones that aren’t for a few months or give them away to an older child. There were a few “big” toys (60 piece block set, outdoor wagon) that will be useful for both children at the same time.

I do think I like the technique of one grandparent (my father) the best – my husband, my daughter, and I each got two presents from him: one was something to wear, and the other was a relatively big toy or “fun” item. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that he is the only adult relative who has other children to buy gifts for (two step-grandchildren).

I think this problem becomes acute once you have 2-3 children in varying stages; that’s where the mountains of toys (usually) result. We’ll probably be rotating out and donating more toys next year at this time.

By: Pattie, RN

Pattie, RN — Sat, 08 Jan 2011 15:57:41 +0000

As a grandmother who raised two boys, may I make another few suggestions?

1. As your older kids outgrow toys and games, be sure to save the good quality stuff to put away and have on hand for the next sibling down the line as they reach an appropriate age. Throughout over twenty moves on three continents and into semi-retirment, we kept the Biro wooden trains and all things Lego which our five year old grandson enjoys when visiting!

2. When my boys were stuck inside during long, cold winters, I kept about half of their toys stored out of sight in a closet [basement, attic, whatever you have] Every few weeks, I would rotate the toys, bringing out the stored toys to be played with and storing the otheer half. When they were young (under five or so) this resulted in a Christmas morning experience once a month for the little guys, and cut down on boredom with toys.

3. As a grandmother, we focus on books, old fashioned games, and wooden toys that will last forever. The “other” grandmother buys the hot toy of the season (Bouncing Tigger comes to mind) which our grandson plays with for three minutes before he is back to the blocks or begging someone for another ruthless hand of UNO!

By: Millie

Millie — Sat, 08 Jan 2011 13:29:37 +0000

All good suggestions! I have two, with purging, if one toy comes in, one toy has to go. I have to do this with my clothing or it gets out of hand very quickly.
Another suggestion is to open the toys on the big morning and then each child chooses two new toys that can be set aside for next Christmas to put in the Toys for Tots box somewhere. This will teach them to make decisions about what they really want.
I have a friend who has a granddaughter, well actually two. These are the first two grandkids in the family. The other side of the family is well off, my friend’s side not so well off but there is this huge competition between the two grandmothers. It really sickens me the amounts of money they spend on toys, trips, etc trying to “outdo” each other even though I don’t think that is the main reason, they really want to give to the kids. The first child had absolutely obscene amounts of toys and clothing the first few years until the second one arrived. I finally quit talking to my friend about it all, I suggested that they take the money they were going to spend and give half of it to a women’s shelter so their kids could have some kind of Christmas, or put it in a college fund,b but no, these children had to have EVERYTHING. And everything teaches them that they deserve EVERYTHING in life. Which of course, we all do but rarely get. Talk about learning to live with disappointment the hard way! I’ve never been to Disney World and don’t miss it although I would like to go there and to Las Vegas (and of course some other places like the Grand Canyon) just once to see what the hoopla is all about. These children go once and twice a year to Disney World for several days.
And yet, there are children out there who cannot even go play in the snow because they have holes in their tennis shoes and no boots.
I’m not saying that people should not do as they please with their money, it’s just that this oversaturation of gifts is teaching these girls that there are no “no” answers and everyone has them on little pedastals.
I have cut back so far on my gifts and my resolution this year is only handmade gifts to be given out. I have started on this project and will be working on this a few hours each weekend. It’s hard to give kids handmade gifts but a new sweater that grandma knit is a wonderful thing, too. Let others give them the bicycles, toys, etc.

By: Holly

Holly — Sat, 08 Jan 2011 10:00:41 +0000

I have 4 grands, 51/2, 23/4, and twins 13/4. All bdays are in the next 6 months. I have a set gift budget. I ALWAYS have something for them to open but anything budgeted I do not spend becomes a check for their college fund.

For Christmas they all got 2-3 items to open + 1-2 books. Most of the books came from the annual summer used book sale and were $1/less each.

Because of the age/sex spread my daughters have been trading toys back and forth from the birth of the 2nd grand.

By: Peggy

Peggy — Sat, 08 Jan 2011 09:48:53 +0000

Would any of the relatives consider giving the children money to go towards their higher education in lieu of toys? Money in an interest earning account is a gift that keeps on giving.

How about a ‘wish list’ for the kids on Amazon that includes books, puzzles, crafts, etc. Ask all those who are considering giving gifts to talk to each other so gifts aren’t duplicated and nothing that’s not on the list is bought.

If people feel the need to give a tangible gift let them rotate throughout the year as to who gives the gift/toy, and who contributes towards the college/savings fund.

The one toy I most fondly remember as a child was my doll house that had some plastic furniture, a few people, and a car the people fit in. I used to play make-believe with that for hours on end.

By: Amy

Amy — Sat, 08 Jan 2011 01:41:01 +0000

I have to say, I don’t have kids but I particularly enjoyed this post because it’s so darn sensible. And I like that the proceeds for your yard sale go into a family fun fund.

Keep up the good work!

By: Stephanie

Stephanie — Sat, 08 Jan 2011 01:26:10 +0000

We have 2 boys ages 4 & 6 and a little girl age 2. I totally understand where you’re coming from. We have both boys with birthday’s in January. So, we have the Christmas toys and then birthday toys about a month after. I have been considering a “gift optional” line on the birthday invitation. Some people are for it and some staunchly against. What do you think? The boys don’t need another truck, car, or train, honestly. But people feel a serious NEED to buy things for our kids.

By: Cynthia

Cynthia — Fri, 07 Jan 2011 23:37:13 +0000

We are right in the same boat as you. We are inundated with toys. It’s time for us to go through them too but it’s always at the bottom of our to-do list! We have our kids go through them with us and choose which ones they want to part with. Then they help us price them and sell them at our summer garage sale. They get the lessons of less is more along with money lessons at the same time! (I have a 6 year old, 3 year old and 8 month old.)

By: Stephanie

Stephanie — Fri, 07 Jan 2011 20:59:20 +0000

I am glad to hear about parents teaching their kids that old stuff eventually has to go. There were a few people in my family that thought that just because they bought something for a child, that it had to be held on to forever. There are no more children in the family since they have all grown up. Because of that kind of mentality though, I give money at friend’s baby showers and their kids birthday parties. The parents can do whatever they want with it, but I express the intention that it is for the child’s savings account. I got access to one my grandparents started for me when I turned 21 or so and it was way better than an addition to my toy collection as a kid!

By: Jane

Jane — Fri, 07 Jan 2011 19:31:17 +0000

Boy oh boy does this post resonate with me! I actually had a bit of a mini-meltdown this Christmas when I saw how many toys and things my infant and toddler received from family this Christmas. We tried to focus the gifts this year and have both practical and fun suggestions. But even this can be problematic. For instance, I told people to get them socks. I believe my infant ended up getting thirty or so pairs of socks and roughly ten onesies. Since he is the second boy, this is really excessive. I already can hardly close his drawers they are so stuffed. We also got six hooded towels – practical but excessive when you add it all up.

It’s so hard, because I think in some respects it is disrespectful to return items that people have lovingly picked out. But we have a small house, and like Trent, I am bothered by the potential message that so much consumerism send to my son. By the end of some present opening sessions (we have several with various branches of the family), he almost had this half-crazed look on his face.

We ended returning at least $100 worth of things that truly were not necessary or wanted, but the rest just has been stuffed in an already crowded house. I can’t wait until I can begin to get rid of some things, but of course, then they will get more to replace those toys!

By: Kris

Kris — Fri, 07 Jan 2011 17:54:33 +0000

When I was a kid, I had a large toy chest. My mom was a neat freak, so if it didn’t fit in the box, it had to go. Every year after Christmas, my mom would have me decide which toys to keep and which ones to give up. Since I’d always done it, it was normal to me and not a huge crisis. I still do this in my own house. Bringing things in means taking other things out.

By: Carmen

Carmen — Fri, 07 Jan 2011 17:38:48 +0000

I really like to use Freecycle to pass on many of the outgrown clothes and toys. It’s a nice, convenient, community based concept and when you are in need of something reasonable, you can often get it for free.

By: Jen

Jen — Fri, 07 Jan 2011 17:33:48 +0000

When my nephew was born, he was the first grandchild on both sides. My sister laid down the law from the beginning – one toy from each gift giving unit (my husband and I as example) and something else (book money to college fund clothes, etc) This has been pretty successful for the last four years. We give him a toy and slip a gc to my sister for whatever he needs for clothes, etc. She saves it and uses it during the between times – July birthday and Christmas.

By: cv

cv — Fri, 07 Jan 2011 17:13:27 +0000

Unfortunately, many Goodwill locations and other thrift stores no longer take toys thanks to the new laws about lead testing that were meant to control cheap toys coming in from China but have affected secondhand shops as well. I hope the law is amended to fix this problem, but in the meantime, you might have to call around to shelters and other places to figure out how to pass along your used toys.