Firstly, if your daughter she weren’t there, I’m guessing you wouldn’t be renting the room out at your age. So there’s no “lost rent” involved here. Instead, what you have is a case of just needing to establish an arrangement of economic equality between you three for contributing to the household upkeep.

The marginal cost you refer to is the cost of gas and the intangible of the lack of use of the car while she is using it.

There is no reason whatsoever to be feeding her for free, unless she literally doesn’t have $50 a week for groceries. I suspect that this arrangement goes back more to a pattern of parental support (feeding the kids) than it does to her desire for a free ride. It makes more sense to share the grocery expenses, so I’d suggest having a family meeting about bills and splitting up those costs each month. Same thing with the house bills–have her cover one third of the utilities.
If she’s financially able, I would suggest having her pay for one third of the monthly property tax in lieu of “rent”. That seems fair enough and puts her on an equal plane of responsibility with you two for the house upkeep. rather thatn in oesn’t put her in, rather than the one-down position she is currently in by not being asked to contribute equally to those expenses.

Are there other readers out there that are recent college grads encountering this same experience?

No we can’t assume they’ll get max benefit. Working 10 years will only qualify you to get social security benefits. To maximize benefits you have to work 35 years at max contribution rates.

Your SS benefit is based on the average wages over 35 years so if you work fewer than 35 years you’ll have lower wages on average.

@Q8: My dad was a Depression child, and very much a hoarder, and I’ve inherited some of those tendencies. I find disposing of things isn’t that hard if I can convince myself it’s being useful. But starting the process is extremely hard! My suggestion: you and your siblings choose one room/area, go through and put everything for disposal into a pile. Your parents check there’s nothing they *really* want in there, and you take it away to somewhere appropriate. The reminiscing idea is a good one too!

@Q9: Can you organise your joint finances so he has his own ‘fun’ money that you have no claim/say over? My fiance sounds similar to yours, and earns much more than I do. I have x amount each month, he has 2x to spend. He gets to buy a new toy or game or gadget every so often, and I can still feel like we’re saving something. Sometimes it’s hard to bite my tongue, but he’s always quick to remind me it’s *his* fun money.

@Q7: As an non-American living outside US, I’m *EXTREMELY* glad Trent doesn’t talk about politics! And your Social Security does not affect me in the slightest, nor any other reader outside US. I reckon there’s more of us than you’d think!

Q2 – Yes, your pessimism is coming through. Not that it is entirely misplaced, but there’s a big difference between cautioning someone against taking out $100,000 in loans to be a social worker, and telling every student you run across to put themselves through community college part time while working 3 jobs to avoid student loans. I don’t think you want to present student loans and college costs as the be all end of the experience, just provide a realistic viewpoint – that most history majors don’t make $80K out of the gate, for example. And I love the idea of pointing out that they need to multiple the cost of college times 4.

Q9 – I think you need to cut him some slack. You already said that he’s “cut back on most of the big spendings” and now you’re going after him for the small ones. Give him some time to adjust. My DH was the same way – and while he still spends more on Dunkin Donuts and computer games than I’d like, he has curbed the big spending – he won’t come home with a gaming system or something that big un-announced.

And the Starbucks gold card – I’m sorry, I go there on average once a week, and I usually get just the regular coffee (maybe once a month I’ll get a “fancy” drink – and I was upgraded to the gold card last year. Just having the “gold card” doesn’t mean he’s spending $20 a day there.

Like someone else commented. Know yourself before committing to this person. While a lot of commenters said they changed, gradually, years later… realize that there is a potential THAT YOUR SO WILL NEVER CHANGE! Don’t be too optimistic and then find yourself stuck in a relationship that’s frustrating to you.

The reason I say this? If my DH did what some of my friends DH’s do I couldn’t married to them. I’m pretty controlling of the finances and my DH has willingly given up that control and agrees with the choices we make for our future.

In a tax update class we discussed the social security system. Wage earners will get the best ratio of benefits for work done by working for 10 years at 70% of the max withholding amount (Currently over $106,000/yr). If the poster has in fact worked 10 years at the current rate of income (based on the note that $225k retirement was 3 years gross) she’s going to get that max benefit! Like she says, her industry is changing. Instead of being forced out of the market why not take a year off! Then, refreshed, she can come back to work for awhile. Maybe even part time or 3/4 time! She’d have plenty left in her cash reserve fund and rental emergency fund if she spent a year away! Not to mention that although she “only” has 225 k retirement the rentals may eventually net an income while she’s living in the back house for free!!! Or the market could come back and she can sell a home (remember, tax benefit only if you live in it the last 2/5 years!) Of anyone, Melinda, you are in an excellent position to take a year off. =)

You may have enough to do it if you include the value of the two homes. You currently have $300K in cash or equities, and if you have $300K in equity in the two homes (and it could be realizable), that amounts to a sum of $600K. At 3% withdrawal per year, that should last a pretty long time. The question is, can you live on 18K per year?

I think you can. With a motor home and only gas and food expenses and some entertainment expenses, why not?

There are issues of obtaining health care etc, as well as whether you can maintain your lifestyle permanently (what happens when you get significantly older?) but I think you are in striking range of what you want if you value it highly and are willing to live withoug lots of frills.

I would recommend checking out EarlyRetirementExtreme.com.

She mentions he has a Starbucks gold card. So? That doesn’t mean a lot. You’d assume he probably spends a fair amount on coffee but who knows how much. Does he still use it regularly?
If she said that he goes to Starbucks 2 times a day every day then that would mean something more specific. But having a gold card in your wallet is an implication that he probably spends too much on coffee. That kinda seems like Linda is putting together clues about his spending and jumping to conclusions rather than knowing concrete details of his spending. Its not a unsafe conclusion that he spends “a lot” on coffee but for all we know he spends $300 a year on coffee and the 10% off via that card saved him $30.

Not to criticize Linda. But if I’m right I think its probably important that Linda and her fiance should sit down and talk about finances in more detail. What % of income do each of you save? If he’s saving 10-20% of his income then fine. Thats pretty good. If he saves nothing and actually has a giant credit card debt then thats not so good.

Drawing up a budget, as Trent suggests, may be a good idea. If you do that, though, then once you agree to save a certain amount per month for the wedding, for buying a home, and for other goals, then that’s it. No more pestering him that you could be saving even more than the amount you agreed on, if only he’d give up his frivolous (to you) spending on this, that, and the other thing.