There’ve been about 15 deaths involving Russian adoptees. Normally, I’d say the US is a big country and with big enough numbers, anything can happen a few times, but with each new case, I’m beginning to think that the Russian government does have a point and that there is something really broken in the process.

“And no, she didn’t ask us. She asked if it was financially feasible. She did not ask to have her emotional and intellectual parent-readiness evaluated by a bunch of strangers on the internet.”

90% of the stuff I wrote in my list had financial implications. If you don’t have close family and friends, you’d have to pay a sitter to watch a sick kid or forfeit a chunk of that $35k a year. It doesn’t matter how frugal you are when you have no income coming in or when you have a high-need child.

Personally, I think that if she has close, supportive family and friends, can make closer to $50k a year, can provide health insurance of some kind and is knowledgeable about emotional disorders in children, go for it. I don’t see what’s judgy about that. I’m thinking worst case scenarios because I have a fair amount of experience with high-need children, and I have to say, money is very helpful when you need to pay for psychological testing, physical therapy, occupational therapy, feeding therapy, speech therapy, visits to a psychologist, special summer camps, private school, etc. I know there is state help available, but time is of the essence in a lot of these cases, and you don’t really want to wait for them to get around to you, plus the therapy publicly offered may be quite inadequate with regard to quantity or quality. A diagnosis and treatment needs to happen right away if there are problems.

By the way, I recommend Howard Glasser’s Transforming the Difficult Child, The Explosive Child by Ross Greene, Gravity Pulls You In: Perspectives on Parenting Children on the Autism Spectrum, and My Baby Rides the Short Bus. I don’t agree with every single word in those books, but they are extremely helpful.

And how many similar stories of poor bio-parents have you heard in the same time-frame? No vetting process is perfect, but I can tell you that adoptive parents go through A LOT to prove their worthiness.

And no, she didn’t ask us. She asked if it was financially feasible. She did not ask to have her emotional and intellectual parent-readiness evaluated by a bunch of strangers on the internet.

Also, last time I checked, severance pay in the US is subject to a different federal withholding rate than regular earnings. You may find that withholdings are higher on your severance check. It should all even out when you file your tax return next year, but – in the meantime – it could be an unexpected bite.

Be prepared for a long and difficult job search that could take well OVER a year. And, as Trent said, be prepared to earn less at your next job. There is an incredible amount of competition out there for every available job. Older workers are being hit hard by the poor job market; I would say disproportionately so.

In bigger cities, childcare for an infant can cost $1200+ a month for full time. A very important thing to look into beforehand.

If you do foster to ad0pt, often children are eligible for a state child care subsidy, which saves on child care costs significantly.

get that kid on a different plan. I’m a 28 yo female on a plan w/o maternity coverage, and I pay $420 every 3 months for my pretty darn good coverage. I get $1k worth of office visits a year free, then I have a $5k deductible, and then everything is covered 100%. Plus, even within that 5k deductible, my insurance will negotiate 1 ER visit a year for me. So far, this has worked out really well in my favor. $400 a month is way too much to pay out of pocket for your kid’s health insurance unless there’s some sort of underlying issues going on.

Are you still working? It sounds like you’re not but I’m not crystal clear. FYI, if you are making more than about $1k/month, then you will not qualify for SSDI.

Assuming you’re not, no, it is not uncommon to get denied at the first level or two but go on to get approved. The cases that tend to get approved at the early stages tend to be those where the affect of the condition is objective and impacts everyone the same way. However, cancers impact everyone differently. Also cancer is disease that many, many people recover from. Some don’t miss work at all, some miss for a short time, while others are unable to go back to work. That would be my best guess as to why you were denied at the early level.

Also social security is not very good about getting medical records together. Another reason you could be denied may have been that they simply lack the information from your treating physicians.

FYI when you answer social security questions, be careful not to minimize. Rather than exaggerating, my experience has been that most people minimize their symptoms. I think it may have to do with getting used to what you’re experiencing on a daily basis over time. Try to think about how you felt and acted before the cancer even occurred, long before diagnosis. THAT is what you’re comparing yourself today to.

Most states have two levels of review before a claimant has to go to a hearing with a judge. If yours does, then there’s no harm in going it alone. However I would encourage you to use an attorney if you have to go for a hearing, and to choose that attorney long before your hearing date. There are a few reasons for this. First, while you have a right to represent yourself, as a practical matter some judges do not like to hear cases from unrepresented claimants, and will pretty much order you to get an attorney. Not having one in the first place could cause your case to be delayed by more than a year, depending on the backlog in the hearings office. Second, it is very difficult to get an attorney once you have a hearing date. If you line up your attorney in advance, then social security will call that attorney and schedule the hearing with them. If you do not, they will just assign you a date and time. Most folks who do these cases keep a very busy calendar and fill up months in advance. So if your attorney is not able to work with the judge to schedule it for a time when they are available, you may not be able to get anyone who is open that day.

Good luck. Try not to take the denial personally. They deny a LOT of people who deserve to be on disability in the beginning.

Sure, but she asked us.

Also, there have been some very bad placements over the past couple years, like that kid whose adopted American mom put him on a plane back to Russia with a backpack full of candy. I wouldn’t count on the adoption process itself to take care of everything.

I don’t know how much experience you have with adoption, but numbers 2,3,5, 7 and most of 4 are dealt with by her adoption worker during the home study process. The people who place children want to know that the potential parent has enough room, money, health, experience, and a proper support network in place, and they pay particular attention when the parent is single.

Everyone seems so distracted by the fact that she is single and adopting that NO ONE has really answered Mindy’s question. This woman is 32 and has saved (at least) $35k on a $35k income. I know plenty of two-parent households that have not accomplished that feat.

Mindy – Is it financially feasible? Yes, of course, and it sounds like you have done a good job with what you have. Is it financially a good idea? Of course not, children never are. You are obviously a good saver (assuming it wasn’t a gift or anything) and that is awesome. But, your income is well below the household average in the US, and that is going to be a challenge. Child care alone in my neck of the woods is $600 per month, per kid. YMMV.

As someone else noted, there isn’t enough information available to know what kind of shape this will put you financially. Based on the numbers you gave, I would think you will either need someone that can watch your child while you work (a parent, perhaps?) or a better paying job. I wish I could be more encouraging (as a pre-adoptive parent, I sympathize with you).

Mindy’s done very well to accumulate $25k for the adoption, but I have a lot of concerns about ongoing expenses. Also:

1. We don’t know what the cost of living is in her area.

2. We don’t know what her family situation is, how much back-up she has in case of extended illness, etc. If the child couldn’t go to daycare or school for a week, who would take care of the child? How much help can you count on from friends and relatives? Does Mindy have friends or relatives who have a child of that same age?

3. What would the health insurance situation be for Mindy and the kid? Is Mindy in pretty good health?

4. Does Mindy own a home? What’s her rent? What’s the mortgage? Is there a room available for the kid? What’s the school district like? Where do you want the kid to go to school?

5. In case something happened to Mindy, is there somebody in her life who would raise the kid?

6. I think Mindy should find parents with kids at different ages and discuss what the level of expense is that she needs to expect (it will change a lot).

7. How much experience has Mindy had with children? I think some babysitting of children of different ages would be a good idea (and you can make some money, too!).

8. How is Mindy’s retirement investing going?

A lot depends on the answers to those questions (not all of which are really questions!). I think Mindy may be very close to being able to adopt, but I’d be happier if Mindy were making a bit more money.

I already conceeded that point. I also said that being raised by a single stable, loving parent is preferable to being raised by no parents at all or foster homes. And yes, also preferable to an abusive household or a household that has parents that stay together but should be divorced due to their fighting all the time. I fail to see how that is a red herring, just bringing up a point that you can’t apply the logic of “studies show that” to every situation.

Anyway, I’m sure people are taking lots of notes on my debate skills! You win at the internet. Except you don’t because you’re taking stereotyping and prejudice and making sweeping pronouncements based on nebulous statistics. Almost like a troll would?

Apparently lesbian couples produce the best kids of all, according to some study I read about some time during reading on the gay marriage debate. Should therefore only lesbian couples raise children? The study says children born to hetero couples aren’t as well adjusted as lesbian raised children.

Of course not, because even if you don’t get the ideal start in life you still have children who grow up happy and healthy and successful. And if a stable loving person wants to adopt a child, why would you deny them that right? Because statistically, that child would be better off having been born to two married parents?

That doesn’t make any sense.