I’m so sorry that you’re parents are treating you this way. Even if they are lending you money, it does not buy them the right to disrespect their own daughter.

I agree with most of the previous comments that you should actively pursue graphic design since you seem to have such passion for it. I know it’s so much easier to say than do, but you can NOT sacrifice your desire to create just to please your parents.

Sometimes we make a decision out of fear of making someone angry. However, it’s that same fear that clouds our judgement and usually causes us to make at least another big mistake. And it results in the other person still being unhappy with you and you feeling even worse than before.

This result happened to me when I also placed my family members’ opinions over my own values.

The lesson I learned is that if you have to suffer from someone’s disapproval, it’s better to suffer while being true to yourself rather than suffer while living a lie.

And to Jon, perhaps you should take your own advice.

Because a true, mature grown-up knows that no two persons are exactly alike. Therefore, we all have to try different things and make different choices (and even mistakes) while learning what works best for each of us.

I’m praying for you Julie. Good luck!

I’m assuming Julie is paying her own bills. If she is getting financial help from the parents then thats a different situation really. Julie is employed and has a side job, so I assume thats paying her way. Her parents say she should be ‘earning a living’ but I think thats likely just their dismissive attitude towards her job like saying its ‘not a real job’.

I do think that focusing on what you truly enjoy is a solid approach to take. It also needs to be balanced with your practical day-to-day needs of paying bills as well as saving for the future. So I see a balance here in this specfic case. But the overriding theme to me is that one should do what he or she wants to without living based on others’ expectations.

It really depends on where you live and what industry you work in, or if you work for yourself. For example, in my area designers who work for tech companies generally get paid more than ones who in manufacturing or publishing. As with any job, demand is higher in certain places than others. To say graphic designers in one’s area don’t do well doesn’t mean the situation is universal.

I wish someone had pounded that into my head when I was younger. I’ve been independent since I turned 18, but that didn’t stop my parent’s interference with MY life until it came to a head when I was 33. I am estranged from them now, and my life is actually much better. Sure, I miss having parents, but the stress of trying to live up to their demands became too much when I realized that I would have to put THEIR needs and wants above my own, my husband’s, and my children’s. Mind you, I’ve never asked for a dime from them or lived in their home since I turned 18. At 33, I was finally free to pursue career and personal interests that they “disapproved of” vehemently. I can’t even imagine how my life would be now if I’d continued to let them control it – which is what they were doing, but I didn’t really know it because my whole life had been that way.

But, I also agree with the overall sense of others when they ask if Julie has a life independent of her parents – it’s a key component here.

On the one hand lets not kid ourselves, we work to eat first, and enjoyment of ones work is important but nevertheless a blessing not everyone can have. But Julie you have both, if money is really an issue, you can do many things to supplement your steady income, especially in your line of work, freelancing for example can be lucrative.

Also consider the following:
1. Studying will require further sacrifices, and income loss, so if you went this route would you be able to recoup that money? And be better off for it in future?

2. If you choose to study something else, will you attain the job satisfaction you have now?

3. Do you have other goals that will be affected? getting married and having kids for instance? how will these goals be impacted?

The one major difference btw my situation and Julies is that I could only get an internship in my field, and never managed to find a decent paying position, so I chose to study again, I then spent the next 7 years studying whilst working, so I did get a decent paying job in the end, but it came at quite a cost.

Comparing you with a sibling is not fair on you, as we are all unique, with our own personality and talents… I know of two sisters, the one with a PHD (worked her butt off since forever) the other does nails (took a short course), and the sister who does nails is the more successful, (financially, family wise and socially). Nothing is fixed in stone, you also won’t find a silver-bullet solution to your situation, the big secret is simply finding the right balance in your life.

To the lady who had to run off to Europe to find herself and escape the pressure.. GROW UP!!

Bills? Maybe he’s living with his girlfriend, and she takes care of the bills. Retirement? Psssh… that’s not for like, 30 years. Things will work out. After all, everyone keeps telling him to “do what he loves,” and he’ll have a happy, fulfilling life, so I’m sure he’s not too worried about retirement. He’ll find a way to make it work.

I have a degree in elementary education/teaching the hearing impaired. I did teach nine years, but ‘retired’ to raise my children. My husband’s brother kept after me to get a ‘factory job’ because I could earn more money than I did teaching. But I am totally satisfied with how things turned out. Now that my children are older, I am secretary at my church, not earning what I could if I went back into teaching or even substituting, but I am enjoying what I am doing.

One only needs to look at celebrities to see that money can’t buy happiness. It’s personal fulfillment that matters most, whether you make big bucks or not. If you are happy doing what you are doing; and you are making ends meet; then stick with what you are doing. Trying to please others will only end with you being unhappy.

Best wishes to you, Julie!

However I do understand her, more so now as my children are gaining independance than ever. A parent has a broader sense of experience than their child in most cases simply by having lived longer. You see your child heading for the bad relationship. You see them heading for the dead end career of subsitance living. You see the manipulation others use on them and how they are making choices that will lead to a lot of pain. You see these future happenings because you’ve seen them before, often many times, played out among relatives, friends, children of friends, and in your own life. So I understand where the drive to “fix”, even if well intentioned, can come from.

So my advice to Julie does mirror much of what others have said with the caveat that she isn’t likely to change her parents comments, only modify them a bit. But if you understand where it comes from, you can alter your response some and hopefully take some of the sting out. If you are getting economic support from you parents, I’d recommend keep working to get off it so they can’t hold that over you as proof you need to do something else. If you aren’t then maybe you can smile, change the conversation or flat out let them know you heard them, that you’ve heard them the last twenty times, that you love them but this is what you’re doing and you’re doing fine, then change the subject.

If you want to go for the more exasperated response or are willing to have some fun at their expense to put home the point, you could pull out a little notebook, make a check and then say something like, “wow, new record, only took you thirty seconds into our chat before you told me I’m worth less to you than my brother and I’m a loser for not working at a job that would likely make me blow my brains out after six months of being shackled to it. So how about this weather?”

But we both know they won’t get that, yet sometimes you have to imagine having a bit of fun so it isn’t such a stressor when the situation does arise again.

It seems you’ve made the mistake of misreading my comments twice. I never suggested Julie should change her career to please someone else.