Comments on: Should We Become Named Guardians for Several Children?

By: Golfing Girl

Golfing Girl — Thu, 17 Mar 2011 23:16:12 +0000

If they don’t commute together, and don’t both have dangerous careers, the chances of them needing you are extremely minute. Our guardians for our children probably enjoyed a big sigh of relief when I became a SAHM and we quit riding together to work every day… :)

By: DivaJean

DivaJean — Thu, 17 Mar 2011 14:57:59 +0000

My sister in law and her husband both had a very difficult in considering accepting the potential guardianship of our four kids. She and her husband have their own 2 sons- but they were terrified of the expense of raising our children should something unforeseeable happen. We sat down and crunched numbers- giving them sketches of our life insurance monies, 401K, savings, potential money from sale of our home, car, belongings, etc and it made the concept more palatable. And my mother and father in law also indicated that they would be helped as needed (my mother and father in law have popped up with money unexpectedly from time to time- they are big believers in gifting while you are alive instead of willing money).

By: tall bill

tall bill — Thu, 17 Mar 2011 03:08:21 +0000

Trent: Turn the situation around; Do you trust them to list them either as a Guardian or backup Guardian one for your three loving & cute kids? While your parents may be able at this time, the kids are young..

It’s an honor and a blessing in how they asked you & your home is certainly a happy place & could remain so with others added if that happens.

The probabily is remote, but it does happen. Who else but you in time of that crisis? ?

Talk to your Elders at Church for guidence. They’ll help to shed light onto the subject. Take Care!!

By: Lou

Lou — Thu, 17 Mar 2011 02:17:35 +0000

You didn’t consider the impact on the children, theirs and yours, of the choice. Your kids would get less parental face time, but depending on their ages, would either get mentored or get to mentor – either is excellent experience. Children from larger families don’t just have a different parent/child experience, they get a different socialization.

Does this couple currently parent in a way compatible with yours? Would you consider them good guardians for your children? The whys & whynots of those questions also matter.

And what have you and Sara done about guardianship for your own three?

By: Cindi

Cindi — Wed, 16 Mar 2011 20:36:12 +0000

We said yes in a similar situation but we requested the parents tell other family members, who might have expected to be the guardians, that they had asked us and we accepted. We did not want a bad situation to be even more tense with us having to deliver the news that the family was not going to gain guardianship of the child. If tragedy did happen, we knew we’d still help the child keep the close ties to grandparents through visits (that another area where insurance money would be a help). We also keep a copy of their will at our house so we could respond with their written authority in the case of an emergency.

By: socalgal

socalgal — Wed, 16 Mar 2011 18:58:07 +0000

Please say no Trent. You either say yes or no when the request is made, or you look mean-spirited. What are the chances that this will happen? Probably zero. These friends asked you & have financial plans in place, yet you hesitated and told them that you would think about it? Wow. And for the record, I have been asked by two dear friends to be guardian of their children & immediately told them yes. I wanted to ease their minds and let the children know that they will always be safe and welcome. It either comes from the heart or it doesn’t.

By: Tiffany

Tiffany — Wed, 16 Mar 2011 17:49:33 +0000

Trent,

Have you and your wife ever had the opportunity to babysit for a couple of days for your friends? It might give you a better idea of what the two of you could expect if the worse were to happen and you ended up with a houseful kids. If nothing else it would help you get a handle on the logistics!

By: Holly

Holly — Wed, 16 Mar 2011 17:41:46 +0000

Math is weak today…3+3+5=11. 11 kids…

By: Holly

Holly — Wed, 16 Mar 2011 17:40:44 +0000

Correction (above): I had lost count … Two of the families have 3 kids and one of the families now has 5! That makes 12 additional kids of whom we could potentially be named guardians! Yikes!

By: jill king

jill king — Wed, 16 Mar 2011 17:39:47 +0000

We agreed to do this for a couple different sets of friends. Kept us praying for those parents’ safety and good health! Most of their kids are now grown.

By: Holly

Holly — Wed, 16 Mar 2011 17:37:02 +0000

My husband and I are the named ‘emergency’ guardians of kids from three different families (three of DH’s siblings). When each sibling had asked us, none knew that we had agreements already in place with the others (we never told anyone since we didn’t want other family members to feel hurt that we were asked and not them, i.e. the grandparents);

So at the time when we were asked, we had only one child of our own. Now we have three. And when each of the three siblings asked us, they, too, had only one child. Now each family has three kids! That makes us the potential guardians for 9 kids other than our own!

Trent, what is the chance that you should have to take on the role, really? Just say ‘yes’ and make the couple happy.

I have not named guardians for mine (ages 15, 13, and 10) because we have a huge family and I know that their three sets of grandparents will all want to be guardians. Plus I don’t want any of them to feel that I favor some grands over others.

By: Charlotte

Charlotte — Wed, 16 Mar 2011 17:22:44 +0000

Several years ago a young couple in our town died quite unexpctedly. An aunt in another state became guardian to their young children. She said that when they had asked her if she would be willing to take on this responsibility, she said yes and meant it but, at the same time, she never really believed her niece and husband would really die so young and unexpectedly. Her advice to others: BE ABSOLUTELY SURE BEFORE YOU SAY YES!!

By: Chris P.

Chris P. — Wed, 16 Mar 2011 15:55:10 +0000

My husband and I were in the exact same situation many years ago. We went ahead and agreed to take their 3 children if anything happened to them. Well, nothing has happened so far, and the children are all in their 20′s now and doing well. There is every possibility that nothing will happen to your friends either.

By: Joan

Joan — Wed, 16 Mar 2011 14:48:53 +0000

I’m glad to see this issue addressed. This is still an issue for my son. My mother is the first choice, but if anything happened to her; I still have to have a backup choice. Thanks to everyone who had comments concerning this issue. Please update us on what you decided and why you came to that decision. I have plenty of relatives, but no one I want as guardian for many reasons. Some reasons are their spouses, their lack of money sense, the way they are raising their own children, and the fact that they have made the decision to forgo being parents. I have provided for my son as far as money is concerned.

By: GM

GM — Wed, 16 Mar 2011 14:14:15 +0000

I’m actually glad to hear you’re thinking it over and weighing the pros and cons. This is one of those areas that you shouldn’t just jump into. Parenting changes you. There’s no reason to believe that parenting their children wouldn’t too. That doesn’t have to be a bad thing. I think that by writing about this and taking your time to process your facts and emotions you guys are making the responsible decision. Just do what you feel is right. This isn’t a black and white issue.

By: Marle

Marle — Wed, 16 Mar 2011 13:24:06 +0000

Seconding Johanna. “Female” is an adjective, it shouldn’t be used by itself. “Female friend” is find, but if you don’t have a noun to use for her just say “woman.”

If I was asked to care for a child if something happened to their parent(s), I would feel morally required to say yes, and I wouldn’t give a second thought to any doubts. When my birth mother was pregnant with me, she asked her sister if she’d take me if anything happened. Well, something did happen, and she took me in and adopted me. We have a very small family, and I’m not sure if anyone else could have taken me in. I’ve known people who lived in foster care for years, and I am very glad that I didn’t have to.

If there was someone better to take the child, the parent would ask them instead of you. The likelihood is that nothing would happen, but if something did, what would happen to the child and could you just stand by? I probably sound really hard-line here, so sorry.

By: GayleRN

GayleRN — Wed, 16 Mar 2011 12:51:14 +0000

What no one has mentioned here is that you will also be responsible to the courts for these kids. This means filing a ton of paperwork, and possibly being subjected to home inspection and intrusions by social workers and so on. As a guardian and conservator (two different things BTW) I have to file reports on at least a yearly basis detailing conditions and what has been done that year. As a conservator, I must file reports on finances, monies received and how they were spent and invested. In addition, you have to deal with Social Security and file reports with them. It is not just a matter of child care. There are legal requirements that can be quite onerous.

By: honey

honey — Wed, 16 Mar 2011 11:55:55 +0000

As a single mom, this is a subject that I have spent considerable time thinking about. My child’s dad will be next in line to get her if something happens to me (he is very involved & a good dad). I have listed him and then multiple back ups in my will JUST IN CASE. Would not want his family to have her full time if something should happen to him. I have also set up all finances in a trust & named the executer of the trust as my sister. He would get our child but not one penny of my money intended for the child. He is not good with finances…. my sister is kind & fair & would ensure that my child has what she needs & that the she would get the money. It would also be an incentive to not cut ties with my family should something happen to me…don’t think it would be necessry, but just sayin’ you never know!

By: Grandparent

Grandparent — Wed, 16 Mar 2011 10:10:30 +0000

this is a decision that has ramifications which change over time…no way to know what one’s age, stage and circumstances will be when the possible need to enact the guardianship might occur. Plus, as painful and heart rending as the decision might be, one isn’t forced by the courts to actually assume the responsibility of guardianship stipulated. If, for instance, at the time a tragedy strikes family #2 and the children are in need of guardianship family #1 is coping with a tragedy of its own there are real and legitimate reasons for declining even though the original intent to assume this responsibility was genuine. But…it is a decision that deserves considerable thought. Finally, while we don’t know how many “several” is, it goes without saying that the number of children has significant bearing on anyone’s ability to assume responsibility for “several” versus fewer.

By: deRuiter

deRuiter — Wed, 16 Mar 2011 09:29:42 +0000

At that dinner, the couple asked Sarah and I…” Do you use this because you don’t know “me” is correct? How about, “…topic of discussion between Sarah and myself…” where you also don’t know it should be “me”? Trent, take some of the money you’re harvesting from this site, and buy a book on English grammar. For a “passionate” writer you sure churn out a slew of typos, bad editing, poor grammar.