It’s not a situation we’re very comforable with, but there just doesn’t seem to be a good choice available based on the limited number of options we have. Those that have several choices for guardianship are very blessed and I hope this article helps them to make the best decision!

I realize that I made the same mistake as Dad. My husband and I did not make any guardianship choices. We did not need them, they are now in their mid-40′s, but any in both our families would have taken charge. Isn’t it amazing, when we look back, how much we missed?

Now…we are the guardians for our five year old grandson and his soon-to-be born sibling. My parents were 70+ when I was expecting #2, whereas DH and I are in our fifties with our son and wife at this crossroads. We have a large but modest home in a great school district. And, if truth be told, my soldier-son and his wife have excellent life insurance, so we would not have to face poverty to add these kids to our household. We pray that this will be a moot point for them as for us, but we are young enough to give our grandkids what they need in case of tragedy. (The other grandmother lives hand-to-mouth, as she has all her life, whcih has been filled with poor judgement. As far as we can tell, raising the lovely woman who our son married is the only thing she didn’t screw up. Her other daughter is following in mom’s footsteps of single motherhood and minimum wage jobs. I would kill before our grandkids ended up with her. Thank God, her daughter agrees…)

I don’t really want to imagine how “switching” would work in this situation… How do you tell someone you wouldn’t want them to raise your children anymore?

With my own children, we picked someone with the same moral values and that our children knew and liked. They also were good with how they handled their money, even though they didn’t earn a lot. At the time we chose them, they didn’t have children (and were pretty much set on the idea that they didn’t want children..mainly due to the fact that he was an adult parole officer and she was a social worker, so they saw the ‘bad side’ of people) But as time went on, they did have two children of their own, who we are guardians for. My youngest child will turn 18 this year, so we are past this delima, but I still feel we made the right decision in choosing guardians.

Proximity (sp?) to family shouldn’t really be a huge factor because people do move with their jobs. Family stability, moral values, and financial responsibility/dependability were our major factors in choosing.

And for a side note: we were chosen as guardians by two sets of friends…both ended up having four children around our children’s ages, but at the time lived in two different states. They both ended up in the Houston area, so I am glad that no huge hurricanes or other disaster has hit that area or we could have ended up with much more than we bargained for! (but now all but 3 of these children are also over 18)

“Choosing The Best Guardian For Your Kids” can be read at http://organizemyaffairs.com/blog/?p=84

Trent, you’re welcome to reprint the entire article here as a guest post, if you’d like.

Values are indeed important, but no guarantee that your children will embrace them, just as it is no guarantee with parents that are alive.

A very thoughtful and thought-provoking post. I wish more people would give this much thought to this extremely important decision. I have a nephew and my brother and sister in law just assume that HER family members will raise my nephew as her family is a close family and it’s only my brother and I. (I’m 20 years older and in no position to raise him, plus I am far far away geographically from the only real relatives he has and knows. He also could never live in a big city.)

My nephew has PPD (on the autism scale) and while he has made incredible strides, due to the incredible work of his mother, I don’t know anyone, myself included, who could duplicate/replicate her relationship with him. My brother in no way is able to really care for him as he has his own issues and is just not able to accept my nephew’s condition and its logistics.

The fact that neither parent has taken this aspect into consideration is mind-boggling to me. (Her family is fairly large, close but not well off and to put it frankly, highly dysfunctional, including addiction and other serious issues. Not judging them, but just to state that they don’t have their own acts together and their own kids have developed severe problems.

It is amazing to me that so many people, including highly educated and intelligent folks, have done next to no real planning about this key issue. They just assume that their blood relatives will automatically get custody. Something that may 1/not be true legally and 2/not be in the best interests of their children.

Several people have told me that aside from values and trust, the key is knowing that one individual (if a couple) would do anything/everything needed to raise the kids in their absence–basically, they chose people who were close to being carbon copies of themselve. No parent is perfect, so it’s not possible to find perfect “replacements” if needed. You just do the best you can. You never know what life will bring.

And if you are honest, you look for people who may not “mirror” you but who are adult enough and responsible enough and flexible enough to mindfully engage in parenting.

As others have said, don’t rule people out because they don’t have kids. And don’t assume people with kids are necessarily good parents!

I don’t have children yet, but I am an only child so just thinking about this presents some concerns. At this point, my parents would be nearly my only option. However, if my future husband had wonderful siblings then I guess they would be potential guardians as well.