About surliness and “bad days” — well, I’m sorry but I think the stat is that first impressions are made in about 15 seconds or something like that. I may be able to remind myself to look beyond appearance, but if you’re going to take your issues out on other people you’ve barely met, that’s a whole other story. How exactly are you going to make that up to them? Most of the time you only get one shot.

Also, an interesting statistic was printed in the Orange County Register just prior to the start of the recession. One of the largest Mercedes Dealers in the country, which is located in Newport Beach California, disclosed that about 70% of their business came from leases. The reason the dealer stated as most common for a lease was that a customer could not afford to purchase the car. Leasing was their only option. This would seem to support the theory that most (most equals more than 50%) people who are driving expensive cars really can’t afford them… I wonder if the dealer was “judging” their customers???

I am with you. I think that some people are incredibly over sensitive to virtually any comment that Trent makes. His comments are generalizations and best selling books, such as “The Millionaire Next Door” have been written on this exact same subject. That doesn’t mean Trent is judging anyone. He is merely stating that not everything is as it appears to be.

When you live in the heart of Orange County California you would have to be an idiot to not realize that very little is what it appears to be. This doesn’t mean that you are judging people. You are just making observations. Making observations and coming to conclusions is a daily part of life, and I am coming to the conclusion that many readers of this post just don’t share the same opinions on frugality as Trent…and it is time that they move on to a post that is better suited to whatever it is they want to hear and won’t leave them feeling so terribly offended.

The advice about asking the other person two or three questions about themselves to put him/her at ease and to focus on finding something positive to say about the other person’s situation are wonderful ideas. I guess that another tip is to be comfortable with who you are and not be insecure about yourself — it’s okay to talk to a senator even if you’re wearing comfy jeans and a sweatshirt. I will certainly keep those tips in mind when I am out and about.

I wonder if Trent would write a longer article with tips like this, perhaps giving examples to illustrate the point. I would certainly enjoy reading that and trying out the tips to see how good I can become at communicating with other people.

I have read and re-read The Millionaire Next Door and I also believe there is little correlation between appearances and net wealth, a subject that has certainly be beaten to death lately.

For me, the most interesting part of the blog is how the “rapport” is established by “Dave” – and here Trent jumps to the precarious conclusion that Dave “achieves the respect” of the people he successfully converses with, and goes on to say that Dave is successful and “has a bunch of money in the bank.”

Rapport may not always equal Respect, but it would seem that for Mythical Dave, Rapport may well equal Success/Money/”the ability to greet congresspeople by name”.

This reminds me that back in the Woodward/Bernstein/Watergate Era I read that successful investigative reporters and detectives who go out to interview people and investigate a hidden subject found that they NEVER were very successful if they came on to the interview subjects or neighbors as too “polished, well-dressed or (emphasis mine) educated…” –
their grammar couldn’t be too perfect, either…
One is instantly reminded (and here I am REALLY revealing my age…) of Peter Falk as “Columbo” with the rumpled trench coat. The investigators and reporters were, of course, manipulating the subjects into giving up needed information and were often “successful” at it.

At least he has consistently in the past said that people who have nice cars, nice houses, and wear nice clothes are probably in debt and over their heads.

The main point of Trent’s post is, it doesn’t matter how you dress. It’s how you treat people. If you dress in clothing from Saville Row because you love dressing that way, and can afford it, great. If you dress in clothes from Kmart and enjoy it, fantastic.

IT DOESN’T MATTER.

If you are dressing to impress OTHERS, you won’t impress anyone (or you’ll impress them for the wrong reasons). If you are dressing to INTIMIDATE others, you really need to take a better look at yourself and figure out why you feel the need to intimidate.

If you love the way you dress, that’s the best way to be. Now, go out and treat others well, no matter HOW they are dressed.

Best line in the post.

I’ve found that you need to dress for the occasion and depending on how well known you are to the folks you’re talking to. If “Dave” came into a venture capital meeting at a corporate office looking for ten million to invest in his business wearing a baseball cap, old sweatshirt, and jeans, chances are he would have a tougher sell than if he put on a decent suit and tie. If he was talking one on one with the owner of a marina up for sale out on the dock he could probably swing a deal easier dressed more casually than wearing a suit.

Either way, good or bad.