Uh, I think the point was you don’t see Grandma once a year to give her an obligatory gift, you spend time THROUGHOUT the year with her. You make time because the last thing she needs is another trinket and a once a year visit.

With our familes we give a picture of our children each year (the first in a frame meant to be changed every year).

I’m a major fan of practical+silly gifts. My preferred wedding gift combination is something small off the registry, and then something personal and mildly frivolous that I think the person will appreciate–a common combination is kitchen stuff + a goofy cookbook (favorite: The Star Trek Cookbook!).

I do want to add that if you want to give a material item as a baby gift, please do look at the registry. Moms spend a lot of time and effort researching products and figuring out what they need to put that registry together. And if you don’t have a lot of money to spend consider banding together with other people to all chip in on a large item. I would rather 10 people contribute to buying the carseat that we MUST have than get 10 newborn onesies that my baby will only wear for a couple months. Just my two cents.

@Johanna – I agree, you don’t actually *have* to like the sweater! ;)

Certainly. You keep the ugly, ill-fitting sweater that Aunt Sally took the time to knit you, so you can put it on when she comes to visit, because you know it means a lot to her. But even an obligation to do all that is not an obligation to actually *like* the sweater.

Johanna acknowledged that people are taught to *act* appreciative. That is just common courtesy. The question is are they beholden to the giver to cherish and *actually* appreciate the gift. The Miss Manners answer to that would be No. Anyone may give any gift they want, but the flip side is that the receiver may then choose to do whatever they want with that gift, be that love it forever or throw it in the garbage, without any guff from the giver. Your only obligation upon receipt of a gift is a proper and polite “Thank you.”

(Technically, that is. I think we would all agree that in practice there is usually a social obligation to keep and use certain gifts from certain givers. Does that say something about so-called etiquette masters that their advice doesn’t work in real-life situations?)

http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/article.aspx?cp-documentid=22755312

Notice Miss Manner’s answer to both questions, but especially to the first question where she states, (in answer to the question asking why is it improper to write “no gifts please” in an invitation) “it is impolite because it shows you have been thinking about getting presents.”

You are never to expect gifts, period. The company of your guests is all you should be thinking about getting.

“nobody’s ever obligated to give a gift, but recipients are always obligated to appreciate what they’re given”

Actually, yes. This is technically correct, and Miss Manners, I’m 100% sure, would heartily agree with Amy. Gifts are *never* obligatory, no matter what the occasion. And when someone does go out of their way to gift you something, you are you smile and say “thank you.” That’s not something that ends when you are no longer a child, regardless of your true feelings about the gift. It is simply rude not to at least act appreciative, even if you’re not.

For some people who like to give physical things, it’s hard to understand though. If we told some of our family members that we just wanted to spend time with them instead of a physical gift, or asked for something like babysitting coupons, they just wouldn’t get it.

Would you consider yourself a pedantic person? Just curious.

If this were true, then you’d be right. But in our culture, there are a number of circumstances in which gift giving is both customary and expected. Trent seems to acknowledge this, with his mention of “gift-giving occasions,” so it sounds like he’s talking about how to get out of gift-giving occasions without spending “unnecessary cash.” The idea that gifts of time are always more meaningful and useful to the recipient than material gifts comes across as a rationalization, because it’s clearly not true.

If you’re taking this approach to gift giving because you’re struggling financially and you really can’t afford it, that’s one thing. But if your money is good enough to spend on (say) a new Prius for yourself, or to save up for a house in the country for yourself, but not to spend on thoughtful gifts on appropriate occasions for the people you care about, then yes, that’s cheap. That’s the definition of cheap, I’d say.

What rather amazes me is the number of people who suggest that a recipient is somehow obligated to appreciate any old gift, even an unwanted one. Of course, we’re all taught as children to say “thank you” and *act* appreciative, but that’s not the same thing as actually *being* appreciative. Your view of things seems especially weird – nobody’s ever obligated to give a gift, but recipients are always obligated to appreciate what they’re given. Huh?

It was priceless.

I second or third home cleaning and meals for new parents. Come over, clean the bathroom, bring something to eat (that can be eaten with one hand!), hold the baby while she has a shower, and then leave. If there are older kids, take them to the park for a couple of hours. They will be deeply grateful.