Comments on: 20 Ways to Start a Conversation and Build Into a Connection

By: Ruth Ann

Ruth Ann — Thu, 28 Apr 2011 14:48:30 +0000

I spend a lot of time with teenagers at my church and quite regularly have all kinds of awkward conversations. Some ways that I start conversations include:
- “What exciting is going on in your life?” Followed up by, “What not exciting is going on in your life?” when I get a blank stare or they say “nothing really exciting”.
- Rather than asking where someone works or what they like to do with their free time, I try to ask something like “What do you do when you’re not ________” and fill in the blank with whatever we’re currently doing…eating crawfish, attending a baby shower, sitting in church waiting for Sunday school to start, etc.

By: Eugene

Eugene — Wed, 27 Apr 2011 12:58:00 +0000

“Living in a vacuum sucks.” – Adrienne E. Gusoff

By: Paula

Paula — Wed, 27 Apr 2011 00:00:56 +0000

Good topic, Trent! I am an introvert also. In fact, I am quite shy. I do find that if I ask people about themselves, that seems to work well for me as I am a good listener who remembers details. However, I have found that people don’t want to feel like I am a reporter conducting an interview with them and and a question like, “Where do you see yourself in five years?” is one that I would not personally use for that reason. Complimenting can work, but I have found that asking someone about their family/kids works better for me, as when they ask about my child that is something that is comfortable for me to talk about!

By: MattJ

MattJ — Tue, 26 Apr 2011 20:24:06 +0000

A meal is an inherently social occasion…

We can make our meals social occasions if we would like, but there’s nothing ‘inherently’ social about them. I eat most of my meals alone.

By: chuck

chuck — Tue, 26 Apr 2011 19:44:29 +0000

probably best to avoid some polarizing topics such as politics and religion. unless you are at the dem/repub convention or at church.

By: done that

done that — Tue, 26 Apr 2011 17:37:04 +0000

Lately I’ve had people who come up to me and say “I’m so and so. We met last week and I don’t remember your name” It’s direct and takes the awkwardness out of finding a way to ask the name of a familiar face. I’ve tried it a few times and it is working for me.

Also, I find the cell phone is replacing the business card as a person just puts your contact info directly into their phone. Then you don’t have cards or bits of paper to keep track of.

By: valleycat1

valleycat1 — Tue, 26 Apr 2011 17:29:34 +0000

alternate questions/conversation gambits – compliment the other person (clothes, hair, jewelry, tie, shoes, sparkle in their eye, or whatever you genuinely notice about them); mention something you like and get their opinion or advice (gaming, reading, fishing, sailing, movies, etc), or something you’re planning to do (go to ______’s concert, take a vacation in _______; thinking about taking a safari or cruise); people are always happy to talk about their pets. If at a party, how they know the host/hostess (with appropriate follow-up questions).

By: friend

friend — Tue, 26 Apr 2011 17:12:23 +0000

I think these ideas are thoughtful and useful, too. I’d just note that the questions in #14 seem pretty awkward and artificial to me. If someone in conversation asked be about what I wanted to be doing in five years, I’d feel as if I were on a job interview. Seems too studied/unspontaneous. Now I need to think of some better questions to suggest. … Anyone?

By: Meg

Meg — Tue, 26 Apr 2011 17:05:52 +0000

Great article! I am the same way, but great tips! Thank you.

By: Sonja

Sonja — Tue, 26 Apr 2011 16:47:44 +0000

These are good tips for everbody, whether you are introverted or not. I especially think #4 – LISTEN is excellent advice. And I agree with valleycat1 that you have to be present. If you want to multi-task, fine, but I don’t consider myself a task.

By: chuck

chuck — Tue, 26 Apr 2011 16:25:55 +0000

another good reason not to eat alone. if u choke theres no one there to save u.

By: valleycat1

valleycat1 — Tue, 26 Apr 2011 16:24:55 +0000

I’d add that when you’re interacting with someone, turn off or at least ignore your cell phone for the duration. There are few things more irritating to me than having someone interrupt a conversation while they take a call or text. Borderline acceptable if we know each other well, but otherwise unacceptable. I can count on less than one set of fingers the # of true emergency/important calls someone’s received while in my hearing.

By: Kathryn C

Kathryn C — Tue, 26 Apr 2011 16:20:11 +0000

Hi! for being an introvert you’ve got it nailed id say.

One I’d add is “look people in the eye”, uber important. When I’m talking with someone and they’re looking over my shoulder or looking down at the ground, anything they’re saying really loses credibility.

As for #9, people not remembering you – there’s this weird thing where people pretend like they don’t remember you when they really do; they don’t want to be the first person to say “hi, good to see you, we met at x, good to see you again” because they’re worried that you’re gonna say “I have no idea who you are get out of my face!”

I’d say that happens about 50% of the time (where people pretend like they don’t remember you, but really they do), then the other 50% of the time they truly don’t remember us. weird, I know.

By: Tyler @ Dividendmoney

Tyler @ Dividendmoney — Tue, 26 Apr 2011 14:12:18 +0000

I quite like these tips and will be using a lot of them.
I especially like #18. It is amazing how people brush off an initial interaction – especially busy people who are always meeting new people. The follow-up, even if nothing spectacular, shows a genuine interest in pursuing the relationship further and is very important IMHO.