Have you ever noticed that, when you’re trying a new diet or a new exercise routine or new spending habits or some other significant restrictive change in your life, it often only takes one mis-step for the entire program to fall apart? Once you’ve skipped an exercise session or eaten an entire Sara Lee poundcake in one sitting, it’s really hard to convince yourself to go back to your earlier restrictive choices. You just give up and walk away.

The reason for this is that when you “cheat,” your plan loses its integrity. Integrity basically means consistency – once you’ve set up a method for achieving a goal, the act of sticking to that method is integrity. When you break the standards of that method, the entire system loses integrity. Your goal falls apart like a balloon receiving a pinprick.

I see this time and time again in my own life. I’ll set up an ambitious goal with an ambitious plan to reach it. For a while, everything goes along swimmingly. Then, at some point, it becomes hard. I’m faced with a difficult choice between continuing toward that goal and something else. Eventually, I make the wrong choice and, just like that, the progress toward that goal seems to fall apart. I stop taking the right steps and the goal just crumbles to dust before me.

How can you avoid this? There are a few great principles you can follow, no matter what your goal happens to be.

Avoid a large number of goals
This is a personal problem that I often run into. I try hard to jam too many goals and plans to achieve them into my life and, eventually, I find that I fall short on many of them. There are only so many hours in a day, and time set aside to practice the piano, time to exercise, time to work on my novel, and so on all eat away from that time. When you pack your day too tightly with things to do, eventually you face an unexpected event and, suddenly, you’re unable to complete one leg of your plan. Your integrity fails, you feel like a failure, and you stop working.

Instead of trying to tackle seven goals at once, focus instead on the most important one. What do you most want to achieve? Toss the others overboard and don’t add new ones to the plate until you’ve achieved what you want to achieve. Not only does this clear the path for the single goal you desire, you’ll also find that the more you want a specific goal, the easier it is to achieve it.

Avoid a path to success that’s too strict
A challenging path to success is certainly a good way to achieve it, but challenging doesn’t have to mean strict.

For example, a challenging exercise regimen means that you’re committing to a certain amount of exercise each day – say, 30 minutes. A strict regimen defines exactly what each type of exercise must be on each specific day.

Now, let’s say I’m traveling, but some of those exercise types are very difficult to achieve while traveling. The simple nature of a summer vacation causes me to fail in my plans. There are countless different situations like this, where the nature of a day can keep me from following the exact tenets of a strict plan.

Instead, I try to keep the plan simple. Exercise for 30 minutes each day. I try to mix it up if I can, but if I’m traveling, a long walk is a perfect fit.

Don’t go it alone
Most personal goals are solitary activties and, on some level, you do have to go it alone.

At the same time, though, no matter your goal, there are (almost) always others out there attempting to achieve the same goal. Seeking them out, talking to them, sharing your goals and your progress, and even practicing with them can make a tremendous difference.

Seek out people in your own social network who are attempting similar goals and use them as a springboard and a motivator for your own progress (and you for them). If that doesn’t work, seek out online groups of people who are attempting the same goal as you, using Google.

Use the power of “the chain”
Often, my route to success for a goal involves doing a simple thing each and every day to improve myself. Eat certain foods. Take my vitamins. Exercise. Practice the piano. Avoid spending money frivolously.

One effective way to keep yourself moving forward with such goals is to start a “chain,” something I’ve mentioned in the past. The technique is simple. Just print yourself off a calendar page and mark a big X on each day that you manage to accomplish your daily task. Leave that page up somewhere where you can see it.

Over time, you’ll start to have a long row of Xs with no interruption – and you won’t want to break it. That “chain” of Xs will itself motivate you, as you don’t want today to be the day that breaks that chain. It’s a subtle push, but it’s often strong enough to get me going out the door.

It’s all about maintaining the integrity of your goals. Goals are like a stack of children’s blocks that you achieve only through careful stacking. If one of them is removed, the stack is likely to fall down. Keep the stack from falling and you’ll find success.

What’s inside? Here are the questions answered in today’s reader mailbag, boiled down to five word summaries. Click on the number to jump straight down to the question.
1. Car trade-in question
2. Preparing for marriage
3. Used car buyer’s remorse
4. Credit score questions
5. Child cost question
6. College savings question
7. Handling house sale profit
8. Preserving digital records
9. Switching insurance companies
10. Baby sleep tricks

Because of the influx of family members visiting this past week, I made the decision to essentially move my weekend to Wednesday and Thursday to accomodate them. I didn’t mind this at first because the weather forecast for the weekend looked awful at the time.

However, it’s now late Saturday afternoon as I begin to assemble this mailbag and the weather outside is gorgeous. I can hear the kids playing in the yard with their friends from the neighborhood and I can smell the sweet fresh air.

Q1: Car trade-in question
My husband and I (foolishly) bought a new car in 2009 with no down-payment and no pre-approved loan with from our credit union (also foolish). The car cost $16,995. We ended up paying roughly $20,000 for it through the dealership’s loan office. *shakes head* Talk about rookie mistakes. I kick myself for this one regularly. We currently owe $15,726 on it, and KBB.com says it’s worth $12,775 trade-in value (it’s in Good, but probably not Excellent condition, although we have taken very good care of it). Considering we’re underwater on it for $3,000, I’m trying to figure out what our options are. Our monthly payments are $376 right now, and the interest rate is 8.5%. I would love to get a used car that the trade-in would completely pay for, so we’d only have to deal with the $3,000 excess. Is something like that even possible?

I know you’re not a financial adviser, and I’m not necessarily looking for specific advice (although if you had some, and were willing to take the time to give it, I would be extremely grateful). Mostly I’m just looking for places to start looking. There’s a lot of information out there on the web, and while I’m more financially savvy than some (mostly through mistakes I’ve made and the lessons I’ve learned from them), I could still use a guiding hand.
- Megan

If you’re underwater by $3,000, you have to come up with that money just to break even on selling the car for cash. In other words, if you can find someone to actually write you a check for $12,775 for the car right now, you’ll still have to come up with just shy of $3,000 to pay off the debt, leaving you with no vehicle but, thankfully, no debt.

The only way a car has trade value is if it’s worth more than is owed on it. Otherwise, selling the car only serves to eliminate the outstanding debt on the car. You won’t even be able to sell the car unless you’re able to come up with the cash to make up the differences.

If you want to get rid of this car loan, your only option is to buckle down, save every dime you can, and wait until you have enough saved up to make up the difference between the value of the car and what you owe on it. At that point, your best bet is a private sale via Craigslist or eBay Motors.

Q2: Preparing for marriage
I am 27 and I have been in a bad financial situation for several years, but thanks to some personal reflection and your website, I have been turning things around in the past few months. I have previously never had a savings account (I know), but I have saved almost $1,500 at this point.

Here is the situation. I make about $40,000 a year but I live in a city with a high cost of living. However, my rent is very cheap and I drive a beater car and mostly use public transit. Most of my money goes to savings and paying down student loans. I have two government loans that total about $25,000 and I am up to date on these payments.

My biggest issue is a credit card that was charged off at almost $7,000 in 2008. Long story short, I was a recent college graduate and back at home and my mother (who is also very bad with finances) had just lost her job. Neither one of us had any savings and we ended up using the credit card to pay rent and for basic living expenses. Long story short, I moved away for a job, and I trusted my mom (who had access to both of our checking accounts) to continue paying the balance on the card. This was my mistake. After reviwing my credit report, I realized that my mom never paid on the bill and never told me and the account was charged off. I am really at a loss as to what to do about this. The statute of limitations on my debt is seven years in my state, but that is still a long time to wait. I would really like to pay the debt off completely, even though it will still be on my CR but I definitely don’t have $7,000. I have also considered using Consumer Credit Counseling Services and possibly settling the debt. I just want to improve my credit, but I don’t know how to do that. I have considered getting a secured credit card to pay for gas to help rebuild my credit. But I am extremely wary of credit cards.

I am in a very serious relationship, and I am pretty sure my boyfriend is going to be proposing within the year. I really want to get things in shape so my mistakes don’t affect him. Thoughts on how to do this?
- Eileen

In your situation, a secured card is a good first step to take. You might be eligible for a low credit limit unsecured card if your credit is otherwise strong – all you can do is apply. I don’t know how bad the rest of your credit report is, so I’m uncertain whether or not that move will work.

If you do choose to repay the debt, it will become “fresh” on your credit report. In the short term, it will make your credit score worse, as it places more emphasis on current debts than older ones. Mostly, time is the best cure for credit mistakes like this.

Your best route with regards to the relationship is openness. Don’t be afraid to talk about this situation with him. If he’s a man worth marrying, he’ll understand and be at your side regardless.

Q3: Used car buyer’s remorse
I recently purchased (less than a week ago) a 2009 Volkswagen GTI for $23,000 + taxes, etc. I did some research while I was at the dealership and the car seemed to be well priced for the make of the car and all of its options. This is the car I’ve been drooling over for some time and mine is loaded with leather, heated seats, turbo, etc. The catch is that these are all the things that my personal finance/minimalist journey in recent months has helped me to realize that I don’t really need. I can say with certainty this car in itself does not make me happy. When I was at the dealership, however, I quickly forgot about my self-established target price ($10-$12k) and apparently threw caution to the wind for what I “wanted”.

The car is very nice and is the best I have ever owned in my life but I can’t seem to settle with the idea of the payments I’ve gotten myself into.. nearly $400/mo. Fortunately, I can make them and still have some extra to save (still have student loans and mortgage) but I can’t keep thinking that this is such a frivolous waste. If I took the $25,000 (after tax, title fees) and bought myself a $10,000 car and put the rest toward debt or saved, I could still accomplish my goal of a reliable vehicle. Everyone else says “Everyone has payments. It’s not that big of a deal”.

Question is: I do think it is a big deal; are there any options now?
- Sarah

“Everyone has payments. It’s not that big of a deal.” Really? I haven’t had a car payment in literally years, yet we have two fairly new cars (the oldest one is seven years old). Everyone who enjoys debt has car payments, perhaps, but not everyone has car payments. Statements like that let people justify their own debts.

I agree that a $10K car will meet your needs quite well and you’ll find yourself with lower payments to boot, allowing you to save the difference for other things.

Unfortunately, you probably don’t have a lot of options now. Likely, you’re either underwater or just barely above water on your car, so if you were to sell it, you’d mostly just pay off your debt on it. You’re probably going to have to live with your purchase for the time being.

Q4: Credit score questions
my husband and I are on the road to fixing our financial state (yay!) and I have a question about using a credit card to help raise my credit score. My husband has a credit card that he pretty much kept maxed out ($2000.00, though they lowered his credit limit to $600 the second we paid it off). We just paid it off a couple of months ago and he currently uses it sporadically (a few very small charges a month), which we then pay in full. Currently I don’t have a credit card, so I’m thinking of trying to get a card to use for my regular monthly purchases (say, at Target), which again, I would pay in full each month. It would only be used for things I need to buy and have the cash for anyway. Since my credit score is low, I assume I’m going to have a hard time getting a card, maybe I’ll have to get a secured card to start, but either way I figure my limit will be low. My question is if I charge close to the limit, and pay it off right away is this ok? My understanding is that while I’ll get good “points” for not carrying a balance and paying on time, but what about the debt to credit ratio? For a time (even if it’s only a week or two) the card would be almost maxed out before I pay the bill. That cycle would continue each month. Is it such a short window where the card is “maxed out” that the debt to credit ratio won’t hurt me in the end? I just want to raise my score and establish good credit, but I’m confused on this point.
- Nicole

If you pay off your balance in full each month, it’s fine to use the card until it approaches the credit limit. For example, if you have a card with a $500 limit and you fill it up with $450 in groceries and gas, then pay the thing off in full, it won’t have an adverse affect on your credit.

What likely happened with your husband’s card is that he kept it close to the maximum for so long, giving him a poor debt-to-credit ratio and driving his credit score downward. As soon as the balance was gone, the credit card issuer likely re-evaluated him, saw his low credit score, and adjusted his limit accordingly.

If you just focus on paying off the card in full each month, you’ll be fine using that card with an eye on improving your credit score.

In Nicole’s long email, she actually had two more questions worth addressing.

Q5: Child cost question
We are probably 9 – 12 months away from even trying to get pregnant and in that time I have a concrete plan to save up the necessary “start up” money needed (I’ve done lots of research and thinking about the basics of what we’ll need for a baby). We’ll be the first of our family/friends to have kids, so no second hand furniture or baby gear will be handed down to us, though I know we’ll receive some gifts from our generous family. Even taking gifts and some second hand purchases into account, the start up costs are high! As I said, I do have a savings plan begun for these beginning expenses, but how do I determine what the child care costs will be once the child arrives? It’s easy to say they’re “expensive”, but how does one figure out how to financially fit a child into their family? One child expense calculator suggested we’d need an extra $1500.00 to cover just ONE child! This seems crazy to me – I know we’ll need to spend more if we begin a family, but I can’t seem to get a reasonable handle on how much. If everything goes according to plan, I plan on breastfeeding and cloth diapering, so some money will be saved there. Also, I plan on staying home (financially it wouldn’t make sense for me to pay for day care so I could work, it’d be a wash, though I probably will work extremely part time – when my husband was able to be home with our child). I have no problem looking for second hand clothes/toys/books at thrift stores and the like (though I’m sure some things will be purchased new). I imagine our utilities will increase at least a bit with an extra person. There are doctor co pays and higher insurance to consider. But does all this add up to an extra $1500/month?? I know you can’t give me a magic figure, and obviously costs change as the child grows, but do you have any insight into a reasonable figure I can expect? Or a better way to formulate the projected costs on my own? Am I missing some key element that ups the monthly costs?
- Nicole

$1,500 for startup costs? That’s really unnecessary. All you really need for a newborn baby are clothes, a place for the baby to sleep, diapers, and feeding equipment. Toys aren’t necessary, nor is an ultra-expensive crib or the tons of other things that marketers try to convince newborn babies that they need.

When the baby comes home, make sure you have a simple bassinet or crib, several changes of clothes (which you can get very inexpensively at a children’s clothing consignment store), whatever you need for feedings (depending on whether you’re breastfeeding, using formula, pumping, etc.), and some diapers (cloth diapers are far cheaper over the long run, but they require some work and have a startup cost). You really don’t need much else.

For the first year or so, your upkeep costs will mostly revolve around clothes (which you can get for cheap at consignment), child care, diapers (if you’re using disposables), and formula (if you’re not breastfeeding). Babies really don’t need that much, and child care is the biggest part of the equation by far.

Q6: College savings question
I’m curious about college savings. We’d like to put money into a college savings plan, though I’m planning on making sure our retirement is fully funded first. While I’d like to be able to help our future children with their college expenses, I’m of the mindset that if they have to pay for some of it as well, it’ll make them more responsible and conscious of how they spend their time there. Also, I feel that our retirement must come first. My question is bout how much to shoot for when saving. I’ve recently heard that by the time my potential child goes to college, the costs for an undergraduate degree will be around $250,000. Crazy! I can’t imagine being able to save that much, much less half that, with all of the other expenses we’ll have. In your opinion are these figures just crazy, something to scare us all into saving? Also, do you have a percentage that you think is reasonable to shoot for? Say, 50% of college expenses? 25%? Assuming we’re fully funding our retirement, we have an emergency fund and all our bills are paid, the money we have left over will have to be split among college savings and “fun” money. I think that’s where I’m getting tripped up. We can’t do it all, so do I forgo, say, saving for a short family vacation in order to put extra into the college savings plan?
- Nicole

I think the figure you’re looking at assumes four years at a rather expensive school. It’s not looking at the cost of four years at your state school or two years at a state school with two years at a community college on the front end of it.

Still, it will be expensive. A college degree from a four year school, earned without any scholarships, is a pricy proposition, no matter how you slice it, and it’s not going to get cheaper unless politicians change how they value higher education. I’m of the belief that the best thing we can be funding for our future isn’t the military or paying off the debt, but great education at all levels that reduces classroom sizes and increases teacher quality at the lower levels while reducing the economic burden at higher levels.

My wife and I are planning on paying for roughly one third of our children’s education at that level. If they get a scholarship that covers all of it, the money will “trickle down” to a younger sibling (after covering books and other necessities).

Q7: Handling house sale profit
My husband and I are attempting to do a short sale on a new house, and we offered 290,000. We owe approximately 80,000 on our current house. When we sell the current house, I would expect to get around 225,000. We also have two rental properties. One is paid off and is worth about 200,000. We still owe around 190,000 on the second one and the mortgage is 15 years at 6%. Combined we make approx. 150,000 per year and that is with me working part-time. I will most likely go back to working full time in a year or so once our kids get a little older.

Our offer on the new house is not contingent on selling our current house. We have about 80,000 saved up in cash. If the short sale goes through, we are thinking that we will use that cash to pay off our current house and get a mortgage for the 290,000 we would be paying for the new house. Our new house mortgage would be for 15 years and about 3-4% interest rate. The dilemma is what to do with the profit from selling our current house. I think we should put that entire amount on the new house mortgage. We value financial security and my reasoning is that since it is our home, we should take care of that debt first, as compared to the rental property debt. My husband thinks we should put that money toward the mortgage of the second rental property since the interest rate is so high. Our general goal is to have all of our properties paid off in about 8-10 years when my husband retires.
- Bonnie

I agree with you in that putting most of, if not all of, the profit from your house sale towards your next mortgage is a good idea. It’ll reduce your monthly payments or make it easy for you to get into a 15 year mortgage without exorbitant payments.

The only exceptions I can think of is if you have nothing set aside for an emergency fund (in which case you should take some of the profit and build one) or if you have other outstanding debts that are at a higher interest rate than your mortgage (in which case you’re treating this mortgage as a home equity loan at a very low interest rate).

If neither of these are true, I’d dump it all into your mortgage.

Q8: Preserving digital records
I was just curious, as you’ve scanned most of your records and disposed of the originals, how are you planning to preserve the digital records past your current computer? As someone else with an old clunker of a computer and incompatible software with more recent developments of technology, I would be curious to find out how you plan on keeping your digital files for the required 7 years.
- Mary

I store all of the documents on the hard drive of our primary family workstation. Every day, that hard drive is backed up to an external hard drive that is attached by USB.

Once every month or so, I back up a copy of all documents on that external drive to a pair of DVDs (right now, the documents I want to save fit on two DVDs) and I store those off-site, which will help in the event of a house fire.

I considered using a backup service like Carbonite, but the security made me uncomfortable. I don’t like sharing my data with third parties unless I absolutely have to.

Q9: Switching insurance companies
My wife and I currently have a question about who should manage our supplementary investments. We like to keep things simple so we decided to do all of our investments outside of work through State Farm because we carry insurance through them. We have no relationship with our agent and don’t really feel connected or updated with what our accounts are doing. However, a very good friend recently moved over to a different insurance/investment company and I am considering being one of his clients. I would much rather my commissions go to someone I know and make regular contact with than a stranger.
- Brad

If you prefer having someone manage your investments (something I’m not convinced is necessary for anyone except for the excessively rich) and you feel more comfortable with someone you have a personal relationship with, there’s no reason not to move the investments.

I manage my investments myself. I don’t feel that an adviser gains me anything too significant for my own money.

If you’ve decided to make that move, talk to your new adviser. He (or she) should be able to help you move the investments over quite easily.

Q10: Baby sleep tricks
How do you consistently get a newborn baby to sleep? Our baby was born last month and I haven’t had a good night of sleep since!
- Bob

The first trick I use is to hold the baby close while rocking in a chair (or bouncing the baby gently while standing) and whisper in his or her ear. I just make a “whooossh… whooossh…” sound in time with my heartbeat. This seems to always calm babies during their first two months or so of life.

Another trick I often used is to use my finger as a pacifier. I’ll clean my hands well, then allow the baby to suck or gnaw on my pinky. This usually worked well, particularly when they’re just starting to cut teeth.

I would often sing a very repetitive song to the baby while rocking the baby, like “99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall.” The repetitive rhythm often seemed comforting to them.

Sometimes, though, nothing at all works. Don’t ever get angry at the baby. If you find yourself reaching your limit, don’t be afraid to lay the baby down in his or her crib, then go into another room for a while. The baby won’t have any problems if they’re not old enough to crawl or pull themselves up and you’ll get a breather for a while. This is vital for your sanity – don’t feel bad about it.

Got any questions? Email them to me or leave them in the comments and I’ll attempt to answer them in a future mailbag (which, by way of full disclosure, may also get re-posted on other websites that pick up my blog). However, I do receive hundreds of questions per week, so I may not necessarily be able to answer yours.

Every Sunday, The Simple Dollar reviews a personal finance or other book of interest. Also available is a complete list of the hundreds of book reviews that have appeared on The Simple Dollar over the years.

A while back, I reviewed Steven Pressfield’s wonderful book The War of Art. In it, Pressfield discussed not only the challenge of creating something new, but the challenge inherent in earning money from it.

The core of Pressfield’s argument is that earning money isn’t a matter of simply having a great idea. You have to add work to the equation – and, often, it’s a lot of work that needs to be added.

That’s the idea behind this short book by Pressfield, one which I quite enjoyed. You only succeed at what you want to do if you actually buckle down and do the work. Thinking about it isn’t enough. “Positive thinking” about it isn’t enough. You have to do the work if you want success.

The book is filled with a lot of great ideas, but they’re delivered in very short bites. This is a book that’s wonderful to pick up and dip your toe in if you’d like (or dive in quite deep), but it’s not a good one to discuss in a chapter-by-chapter form (because it’s not in a chapter form). Instead, I just pulled out a few pieces from the book that I found particularly thought provoking.

The three dumbest guys I can think of: Charles Lindbergh, Steve Jobs, Winston Churchill. Why? Because any smart person who understood how impossibly arduous were the tasks they had set themselves would have pulled the plug before he even began.

Most tasks that we have before us in our lives seem almost overwhelming. Dig out from under a mountain of debt? Write a novel, revise it, and get someone to publish it? Launch your own business? Rise to the top of the hierarchy at work?

We’ve all got big mountains to climb in our lives, and it’s often very easy to just say they’re impossible and that we’ll never climb them. They’re not impossible, though. One only has to search for a little bit to see that it is possible to climb that mountain. Someone is the boss. Someone has published a novel. Someone has reached debt freedom.

You’re next – if you’re willing to work.

Don’t prepare. Begin. Remember, our enemy is not lack of preparation; it’s not the difficulty of the project or the state of the marketplace or the emptiness of our bank account. The enemy is Resistance. The enemy is our chattering brain, which, if we give it so much as a nanosecond, will start producing excuses, alibis, transparent self-justifications, and a million reasons why we can’t/shouldn’t/won’t do what we know we need to do. Start before you’re ready.

It’s incredibly easy to give into resistance whenever we meet it. It’s much easier to do nothing. It’s much easier to criticize the works of others than to produce your own. It’s much easier to pass the work off to someone else.

It’s hard to accomplish that thing you’re facing. It’s hard to produce your own thing. It’s hard to simply do the work yourself.

Yet, who’s rewarded in the end? The critics or the doers? The people who do nothing or the people who accomplish something? The people who take on the task or the people who look for a way to pass it on?

Stephen King has confessed that he works every day. Fourth of July, his birthday, Christmas. [...] How much time can you spare every day? For that interval, close the door and – short of a family emergency or the outbreak of World War III – don’t let ANYBODY in. Keep working. Keep working. Keep working.

I have a novel in my head. I have a piano piece I need to learn. It’s so easy to put them off.

Instead, I think I’ll just shut the door for an hour each day and see if I can make these things happen.

When we ship, we’re exposed. That’s why we’re so afraid of it. When we ship, we’ll be judged. The real world will pronounce upon our work and upon us. When we ship, we can fail. When we ship, we can be humiliated.

The single scariest thing about starting The Simple Dollar was the criticism. It can be very hard to hear the negative statements of others.

Over time, I’ve learned that you only get those negative statements if you’re doing something of worth. Negative statements either come from people who genuinely care enough about your work to contact you or from people who are jealous enough of your work (or insecure enough in their own work, having little or nothing to do with you) to waste their energy firing at you instead of making their own dreams come true.

Embrace the criticism. Don’t use it as an excuse not to do whatever it is you dream of doing.

Is Do the Work Worth Reading?
If you’re having a hard time getting started on that big thing you’re wanting to accomplish, Do the Work is like putting gasoline on the bonfire and handing you a match. It’s pure “get out and do it” motivation with a lot of strong ideas mixed in there for getting it started.

The core truth of this book is very simple, though. You can’t succeed at anything if you don’t do the work, and there’s no better time than right now to get started.

Check out additional reviews and notes of Do the Work on Amazon.com.

Yesterday, my oldest son (who is about to start kindergarten in the fall) and I were looking at his portfolio from his two years of preschool work. His teachers collected quite a few of his art projects, photographs of his activities, and other materials and presented it to our family after his graduation from preschool.

We had a lot of fun looking through the book together, cuddled up on the couch. He told me about many of the things they did over those two years. He talked about some of the things he learned, some of his favorite art projects, and which teachers he really liked (he actually seemed to like all of them quite a bit).

When we got through the book, I looked over at him and asked him what he thought would happen next. He was quiet for a bit and then he told me that he’d ride the bus and go to school in August. He thought school would be like his preschool, except with more time spent learning and not very many recesses (I told him I thought that was probably pretty close to right).

I told him that, in thirteen years, he would graduate from high school and we’d have a big party. After that, he might do anything. He might have started his own business, for one, or he might go to college. I told him that college was like school except that you didn’t live at home any more and you have to pay a lot of money to go there.

He looked at me. “I don’t have a lot of money.”

I put my arm around him, pulled him close, and told him that he’d have more money than he thought and that we’d help him pay for it.

And I meant every word of it.

I was extremely lucky that I wound up having more opportunities in life than my parents had. They didn’t have a lot of money, but they gave me the things they had to give. For example, my mother kept my nose to the grindstone and didn’t let me waste away my time getting into trouble as a kid. My father showed me the value of human relationships and connecting with other people.

I’ve taken the things that they’ve given me and built a life on that foundation, and now I have children of my own. Can I give them a foundation even better than my parents gave me?

I want the world to be their oyster. I want them to wake up when they’re in their twenties and feel like the world offers them an abundance of opportunity.

What do I need to do to get them there? I need to make sure that they have every opportunity possible to succeed along the way. They need to never worry about having the things they need to grow, like a musical instrument or money for a field trip. I need to expose them to the world through travel and experience. I need them to not worry about money when they’re considering what college to go to: the question should be which one puts them where they want to be in four or five years?

Those things all require money. They each require you to have some degree of financial stability, most likely in the form of both a steady income and a significant amount of savings. The only way to get there is through good financial behavior.

Which brings me back to that interaction with my son as we’re both kicked back looking at his portfolio. When he asks me about his future with a bit of worry in his heart, I can look at him and, with complete honesty, I can tell him that I’m doing everything I can to make sure that his future is everything he hopes it will be.

Good personal finance tactics simply underline my ability to be a good parent. I can give my child the honesty and the emotional reinforcement he deserves, simply because I’ve learned to keep my spending in check and I’m prudent with the money I have.

That’s a big win in a dimension that I never really expected when I first sat down five years ago to address that pile of debts in front of me.

When I graduated from college, I was lucky enough to have a job that I more or less walked straight into. I had about two weeks off between graduation day and the start of my new job.

That new job paid far more per hour than any job I’d ever had – and it was full-time, too. Up until that point, all of my jobs had been part time jobs.

The result? I was suddenly bringing in many times more per paycheck than I ever had in my life up to that point. I was flush with cash for the first time.

Unsurprisingly, I spent it. I bought lots of unnecessary things. I put down a solid down payment on a big pickup truck. I bought a bigger television and a new video game system. I took my wife on a trip to London where we stayed in a hotel within walking distance of Westminster Abbey. I eventually wound up establishing a spending precedent that got me in a lot of financial trouble.

Simply put, I didn’t handle my first time of being flush with cash very well.

What should I have done?

First, I should have respected that desire to spend. It’s something that happens for almost everyone. They get some cash. They celebrate because of it. They buy a bunch of things. Often, they end up regretting it a bit. If you ask anyone about their first job where they made real money, most of them will tell you some version of this story. The more you know, the more you can be ready for it.

Second, I should have put a plan in place, right off the bat. I don’t think there’s anything implicitly wrong about spending that money. However, if you plan for it a little bit, it doesn’t have to turn into a situation where you endanger your financial future just to have a little fun.

I recommend putting a simple automated budget in place when you get your first paycheck. Here’s what I would do.

1. Choose a bank that has robust online banking services. These services should include the ability to set up automatic transfers to other linked bank accounts. I use ING Direct, which offers these services.

2. Set up a series of transfers based on your goals. I would suggest a setup in which you have two checking accounts. One of them is the primary place where your paycheck goes, while the second one is the one where you can spend freely without any worries. Set up an automatic transfer of some portion of your paycheck from the first account to the second. You should also set up automatic transfers from that first account into savings accounts for your various savings goals, like saving for a car, saving for a house down payment, and so forth, depending on your plans.

3. Spend from the “free spending” account to your heart’s content. Buy whatever makes you happy – for a while. Eventually, there’s a good chance you’ll reach a point where your values will shift a bit and you’ll start to desire long-term security and the elimination of debt. At that point, just reduce the amount you transfer into that “free spending” account and increase the amount you’re transferring to other goals.

There’s nothing inherently wrong with wanting to spend more when you get your first good job. There is something wrong, though, if you spend most of – or all of – your newfound income. Get yourself in control of the ship right off the bat and you can have a lot of fun without putting yourself on a dangerous path.

Each week, I highlight ten things each week that inspired me to greater financial, personal, and professional success. Hopefully, they will inspire you as well.

1. Flying a kite
Our family spent a long afternoon at the park this past week just flying kites. We’d toss them up in the air, let the wind catch them, and let the string roll off of our spools.

So often, the simplest things can just be incredibly fun.

2. Online filter bubbles
One of the most dangerous things about the mixing of online filtering (think of Facebook and how the friends you interact with most tend to be the ones that appear at the top when you log on) and marking our preferences everywhere is that we eventually find ourselves only seeing the things we agree with. We’re no longer challenged if everything we don’t agree with or don’t understand is just filtered away.

This video explains this idea very, very well. It’s something that worries me – and has given me a lot to think about lately.

3. Albert Einstein on intellectual growth
Learning is a lifelong experience.

Intellectual growth should commence at birth and cease only at death. – Albert Einstein

It helps you to understand what’s going on in the world around you. It creates a broader skill set for you so you can earn more or have a greater impact on the world. Learning is something that always pays off, whether you’re 5 years old or 50.

4. Quora
Quora is a giant question-and-answer session. You can ask a question and get answers, and you can provide answers to others. Unlike other such services like Yahoo! Answers, Quora does a great job of filtering the answers based on user reputation and voting on the various answers that questions receive. It’s like a “smart” Yahoo! Answers.

I’ve been dabbling in it a lot off and on over the past month or so. If you’re interested, you can follow me on Quora.

5. Howard Thurman on doing what makes you alive
Howard Thurman is a theologian who eloquently summarizes what everyone ought to do with their life.

Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive. – Howard Thurman

How do you make money doing that? If you find what makes you alive and pour enough hours into it (fueled by the joy it gives you), you’ll eventually reach a skill level that others will pay you for – often handsomely.

6. Victory over art
After about twenty minutes of painting with (non-toxic) finger paints, our one year old son decided that his masterpiece was finished. He grabbed the piece in hand and raised his arms in victory.

Enthusiasm, joy, and pride, all wrapped up in one.

7. Poetry read by Tom O’Bedlam
This is some of the best reading of poetry I’ve ever heard. It’s not flashy at all, just the beauty of the words as stripped down as possible. I turn on some of these selections and just listen with my eyes closed, letting the words paint a world for me.

His reading of All Lovely Things by Conrad Aiken is a sweet and short example.

8. Do schools kill creativity?
This is a very thought-provoking perspective on public education.

It inspires me because it challenges me to do something different for my own children to make sure they’re encouraged to be creative.

9. Elise Boulding on the joy of frugality
Elise Boulding was a Quaker sociologist and author.

Frugality is one of the most beautiful and joyful words in the English language, and yet one that we are culturally cut off from understanding and enjoying. The consumption society has made us feel that happiness lies in having things, and has failed to teach us the happiness of not having things. – Elise Boulding

There is joy in not having everything because it affords you the opportunity to truly appreciate some of the things.

10. Georges Lemmen’s Beach at Heist (1891)
This makes me want to wander along a beach at sunset.

Dinner With My Family will return next week.

Right now, I am in (arguably) the best financial shape of my life. I’ve paid off all of my debts except for my mortgage and I’ve got a healthy amount in savings as well. Each month, I’m bringing in more than I’m spending.

Many families in this situation might find themselves eyeing more expensive things. Why not go to the nicer restaurant? Why not buy that thing you’ve had an eye on? Why not go on an expensive vacation?

I call this the “rich act,” and it’s usually a no-win proposition. I know from experience how it can end up costing you desperately. When I was a young professional, enjoying the largest amount of income I’d ever known, I played the “rich act.” I bought expensive things. I went to expensive restaurants. I went on expensive trips.

The worst consequence of that “rich act” was that I wound up in financial trouble. As I accelerated my lifestyle, it became very easy to accelerate it more and more until I found myself outstripping what I was actually earning.

Beyond that, though, I stopped enjoying many of the simple things I’d enjoyed my whole life. This turned out to be the worst consequence of all.

For example, I took the “rich act” into food. I didn’t make much food at home and, when I did, I was constantly trying to make something “amazing.” On the other hand, back in the old days, I would be extremely happy with a bowl of simple soup and a simple sandwich – delicious, quick, inexpensive comfort food.

Another example: I took the “rich act” into my enjoyment of music. Rather than really enjoying an album and listening to it dozens of times (as I did in college), I’d buy CDs, listen to them once, and then move on to another one. Rather than enjoying the music, I enjoyed being a music snob and a collector.

That “rich act” not only cost me financially, but it took me away from many things that I enjoyed when I wasn’t affluent. Those things didn’t change at all: the enjoyment of listening to a familiar album and discovering more of the subtleties, the challenge of reading a difficult book, the pleasure of a simple meal made at home, the joy of eating a meal at an old familiar restaurant, and so on.

Today, I find myself spending time on the things that I spent time on when I wasn’t making a cent. I’ll spend a few hours reading an engrossing or challenging book from the library. I’ll make a great meal with ingredients that only cost a few dollars. I’ll put a familiar album on the stereo and let the music chase me around the house as I clean. I’ll go for a walk in the bright sun and enjoy the fresh air. I’ll play an old familiar board game with an old familiar friend. I’ll spend my summer “vacation” staying at someone’s house or pitching a tent in a state park.

Just because you make $100,000 a year doesn’t mean that the things that brought you pleasure when you made peanuts stop bringing you pleasure. Don’t walk away from the meals you loved, the old friends you’ve made, the dive restaurants you’ve enjoyed, or the simple pleasures that you could dive deeply into.

Money doesn’t change who you are or what you enjoy. If you allow it to do so, you end up feeling empty and trapped. If you feel like you’ve lost touch with those earlier pleasures, make an effort to get right back in touch with them.

It’s the middle of spring. We’ve seen our first 90 degree day in central Iowa. That means, of course, that it’s time to take stock of our clothing. The winter stuff largely heads to storage, as we don’t need thick long-sleeved shirts at this point and our pants are mostly skirts and shorts without many pairs of jeans or other pants necessary.

With growing children, though, that means new summer clothes are needed. Here’s exactly how I shop for them, since it’s what I did on Tuesday afternoon, after visiting some yard sales the previous weekend and finding very little.

First Stop: Goodwill
My first stop was at a pair of local Goodwill stores, in Ames and Ankeny, IA.

I used Goodwill as my first stop as they often have the lowest prices around. However, the selection there is often atrocious, with a lot of items in poor shape with some gems mixed in. You have to really browse through the clothes there to find items that you’re looking for and the clothes are often disorganized.

This time around, I didn’t find anything like what I was looking for. The summer clothes had been picked over fairly well and I wasn’t satisfied with what was left. In the past, however, I have found some great items hidden away in the racks, but it wasn’t to be this time.

Second Stop: Consignment
My next stop was at a children’s clothing consignment shop, the place where most of our children’s clothes come from. I went to Duck Worth Wearing in Ames, Iowa.

A good clothing consignment shop will feature high-quality used clothing items that aren’t threadbare. The items are things that you’d generally have no problem wearing and the items are well-organized. It’s not all that different than shopping in a normal clothing store.

Well, there is one difference – the prices are very nice.

I picked up the clothes you see above in my stop there. This amounted to multiple outfits for each child, a couple of wonderful dresses for my daughter, and all of the items in very good shape and well-made.

Total cost? Around $45, plus a $5 off coupon for any purchase the next time I’m in the store.

I have used other consignment shops in the area, but in terms of quality children’s clothing, Duck Worth Wearing provides the best clothes for the price.

This isn’t the end of our summer clothes buying, of course, but it’s a good start. We’ll keep looking at yard sales as they wear these items on nice days and we’re likely to return to that consignment shop in the future.