Each and every day here on The Simple Dollar, I write about personal finance tactics (or information somehow related to that general idea). I talk about my own experiences. I share information that I’ve discovered. I review books. I answer questions from readers about their finances.

All of these articles are worthwhile reads (well, at least I think they are). They all seek to share some tactic or set of tactics that can help you get your finances on the right path.

All of the tactics in the world, however, don’t matter at all if you don’t add to them the one factor that really matters.

You have to get up and do something.

Reading about financial success won’t make you a financial success. It might explain some ways to do it and give you some good ideas, but it won’t happen unless you actually do something.

It is much easier to talk a big game without actually changing anything. It is much easier to just find something minor to criticize. It is much easier to think, “That’s a great idea,” then quickly click onto another web page or email. These things merely let you avoid actually having to take action.

The only way you’ll ever bring about real change in your life is if you actually do something.

Cancel your cable bill. Make a meal at home. Negotiate with your credit card issuer over interest rates. Open up your child’s 529 account. Start actually writing that novel or making those videos you’ve been talking about. Take a class. Air-seal your home. Sign up for an activity with your city’s parks and recreation department. Open up that 401(k) account.

Success is all about taking action. Reading ideas is useful, but it only gives you a good framework for the action. Taking that action is up to you.

What are you going to do today to put yourself in a better place?

A few weeks ago, I put out a call on Twitter and on Facebook for detailed posts that people would like to see. I got enough great responses that I’m going to fill the entire month of July – one post per day – addressing these ideas.

On Facebook, Meena asks about “Cost comparison between canned beans and cooking from dry – is it really worth the extra time?”

We use a lot of beans in our cooking. Generally, our solution is that if we’re planning ahead enough, we cook our own beans, not necessarily because it’s a winner in terms of cost or time, but because freshly-cooked beans taste a lot better (at least to me). I’m able to season them as they cook, too, which subtly alters their flavor.

In order to really make this comparison, though, we need some numbers.

The Raw Data
These are based on prices found at local grocery stores, coupled with data from my own cooking.

Average cost for a can of cooked beans: $1.19
Average contents of a can of cooked beans: 2 cups cooked beans
Average cost for a pound of dried beans: $1.99
Average cooked contents of a pound of dried beans: 8 cups cooked beans

From this, a few calculations are easy.

Average cost of pre-cooked beans: $0.60 per cup, cooked
Average cost of dry beans: $0.25 per cup, cooked
Energy and water use to cook beans: $0.01 per cup, estimated
Savings per cup using dry beans: approximately $0.34 per cup, cooked

For roughly every cup of cooked beans that I prepare myself (approximately 1/8 lb. dry beans will cook into 1 cup cooked beans), I save $0.34, including the additional costs.

Now, for the times:

Average labor time, pre-cooked beans: 1 minute
Average labor time, cooking dry beans: 13 minutes (measured over several cookings)

And this gives rise to some more calculations:

Time saved per two cups cooked beans: 12 minutes
Time saved per cup cooked beans: 6 minutes
Cost savings per hour of labor: $6.80

Conclusions
There are a lot of variables here. Almost all of these measurements were done using my own local grocery stores as well as my own calculations and timings in my kitchen. The experience of others will certainly vary. All I will say for certain is that there is a cost savings in using your own beans that adds up to roughly minimum wage (after taxes).

Another factor to note is that you can cook a lot more than 2 cups of dry beans in that 13 minutes. You can easily cook up to two pounds of beans without significantly altering the labor time, which would mean that if you’re cooking a lot of beans at once, the cost savings per hour would go up slightly.

Another important element is the wait time – and this is usually the killer. If you’re cooking your own beans, your labor is spread out over a multi-hour period as your beans cook on the stove. You don’t have to be standing there the whole time – you can engage in other tasks – but you do have to be at home for a period of time to cook beans.

For many families, this restricts their ability to use beans on weeknights, as there’s no one home to actually cook the beans. The solution I’ve used in the past is to cook the beans I need the night before I need them, starting them in mid-evening, then draining the water and putting them in the refrigerator just before bed.

So, although there is some notable cost savings in using homemade beans – and, in my opinion, there’s a large flavor benefit – the big restriction really is the waiting time. You have to plan a bit more to use beans you’ve cooked yourself.

This is why we use both. We cook our own beans when we’ve planned well (because they’re less expensive and taste better), but we do keep some canned beans in the cupboard for a pinch, like when we’re throwing together bean enchiladas for dinner.

A few weeks ago, I put out a call on Twitter and on Facebook for detailed posts that people would like to see. I got enough great responses that I’m going to fill the entire month of July – one post per day – addressing these ideas.

On Facebook, Edita asks a simple question: “Among diffrent 529 plans.. which one to choose?”

First of all, let’s talk about what a 529 plan is. A 529 plan is “a tax-advantaged investment vehicle in the United States designed to encourage saving for the future higher education expenses of a designated beneficiary.” (source) In other words, it’s an account that you put after-tax money into (meaning ordinary money out of your checking account). That account has a stated beneficiary (often your child, but it might be you if you’re saving for your own future graduate education or something to that effect). When money is withdrawn from that account for educational purposes, you do not have to pay taxes on the returns that money earned while sitting in the account.

There are two distinct types of 529 plans: prepaid plans and savings plans. Prepaid plans are less common (only 11 states have them), but they usually mean that you’re directly “pre-paying” for tuition at public universities within that state by buying tuition credits at that school. These credits are based on current tuition rates and thus are a bargain if your child is going to go to that school. Savings plan 529s are much more common. They function much like a savings account, where you deposit money, it grows within that account, and then you can withdraw it to spend on educational purposes.

Finding the right 529 plan is tricky because so many different states offer them and individual states have differing tax rules when it comes to 529 plans. For example, some states have rules where you have to pay taxes if you withdraw money from another state’s 529 plan.

The first step I would take is identifying the “must-have” features. This depends a lot on your situation and each situation is different. For me, there are four “must-have” features.

It must be a “savings”-style 529. I do not want to lock my children into a specific university or small set of universities.

Other family members must be able to make contributions. I want grandparents to be able to easily contribute to their grandchildren’s 529 accounts.

I must be able to transfer account ownership at any time. This ensures that the account will be there for my children no matter what happens in my personal life between now and when they need the account.

I must be able to meet the minimum contribution level. This can certainly be a big concern for some families who have to really stretch to make payments into the 529 account.

There are actually quite a few plans that meet these criteria. So, the first step I would take is to look at my own state’s 529 plan. Using your own state’s 529 plan minimizes the chances that you’ll be docked by having to pay income taxes on the plans in other states (of course, this is a non-issue if you live in a state without state income tax).

For me, the search ended here. I’m a big fan of College Savings Iowa, as it met all of my needs quite well while also offering strong investment choices (they’re backed by Vanguard). Which brings me to my second factor…

If you’re not completely sure about your own state’s 529 plan, start comparing them. This is particularly true if you live in a state without income tax and plan to live there for a while.

The biggest issues you’ll need to look at are the quality of the investments offered in the plan. I would not base this comparison on past performance. Past performance is not an indication of future results – it’s one factor among many. Not only that, many 529 plans have a relatively short history, meaning the past performance data is limited and not particularly valid for comparison.

Other factors that are more important (from my perspective) include the diversity of investments offered within that state’s plan (the more the better), the availability of “targeted” funds that mature when your child graduates from high school, and low fees (such as investment fees, program fees, and other expenses).

Other key factors I would look for in a 529 include easy online access to accounts (most states have this, thankfully; it’s almost a make-or-break feature for me), a good customer service reputation (Google for reports from users), and the ease with which they make rollovers into other 529 plans possible (in case I move or some other change occurs).

There are a lot of tools online that will help you compare the features of 529 plans (like this one), but the big factors in choosing a plan aren’t strictly investment based. They have more to do with you and your child’s future than anything else.

What’s inside? Here are the questions answered in today’s reader mailbag, boiled down to five word summaries. Click on the number to jump straight down to the question.
1. Stock broker help
2. Handling large private party transactions
3. Building a cottage
4. Is deferrment a good idea?
5. Unrealistic investing advice
6. Staying motivated while self-employed
7. Will housing market ever improve?
8. Putting away 10% for retirement
9. Co-owning cars
10. Recommended reading

Camping is a big part of our summer activities. We’ve camped twice this summer (once in a state park, once on private land) and intend to camp again late this summer (probably again in a state park).

Every single bit of it is fun. Our particular favorite part, though, is building the campfire and preparing food over it, often using a seasoned cast iron Dutch oven. We can make soups and stews in it, of course, but you can also make things like cake in it.

Q1: Stock broker help
I’m going to be opening a stock trading account in the near future and was wondering which one you recommended. There are so many to choose from it’s kind of confusing to make a decision.
- Brian

It depends heavily on what your needs are and how many tools you want the broker to provide for you. Generally, what I’ve seen is that the better the tools and service is for online stock trading, the higher the price is per trade.

In other words, if you’re a low-frequency trader (meaning you buy or sell once a month or so), you’re probably better off going for a high-service high-price brokerage like TD Ameritrade or E*Trade. They’re expensive compared to the competition, but they handle problems very well, make everything really easy to do, and offer lots of tools.

On the other hand, if you’re a higher-frequency trader (meaning you’re going to buy or sell multiple times a week), you’re probably better off using a system that might be a bit less user friendly but will save you significant money per trade. If you’re going that route, I’d recommend Zecco or Scottrade. This is not to say that such sites are poor, but that in my experience their tools and interface lag the others a bit and their customer service occasionally lags, too. They make up for it with lower prices per trade.

Q2: Handling large private party transactions
I am planning on selling my car in the next few months and I am unsure how to deal with a several-thousand dollar private-party transaction. I am wary of just accepting a check and signing over the title to a stranger (with no idea of whether there is money in the account), and I don’t really want a giant wad of cash. Should I have some sort of contract drawn up for the ownership transfer stating that the car is sold as is? I have never bought or sold a car before (this car was a graduation present years ago) and have no clue what I am doing. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
- Maria

This almost exactly describes the situation we were in when we purchased our Honda Pilot off of Craigslist. We needed to make a similarly large private party transaction.

What we did is we executed the transaction at the bank of the buyer. We drew up an agreement that specified the exact exchange that was to take place (a bill of sale), then the notary public at that bank notarized the bill of sale and provided us both with copies. We also handled the title transfer there as well.

I would probably follow something similar to this arrangement. I would conduct the actual sale at your bank so that the cash can either be electronically transmitted or the buyer could bring the payment to the bank. At the same time, I would author a bill of sale describing the transaction in as much detail as possible (total payment, buyer, seller, VIN of vehicle, etc.) and, while both parties are present, have the bill signed by both parties and notarized by a notary public. Contact your bank to find out which branches should be able to offer this service.

Q3: Building a cottage
My wife and I own our home, have paid off our debt, and both contribute to our employer retirement plans 6% and 8% with 6% matching on each. We each fund a Roth IRA for $5000 each year. Our combined salary is about $55,000 and we mostly live off my half and save hers. Problem is we now have about $45,000 just sitting in a money market account earning .450% We have thought about building a small cottage in our back yard and renting that but don’t really want to take out a loan for this. Definitely want to keep about $12,000 in there for our emergency fund. Wondering if you have any suggestions.
- Josh

If you’d like to build a cottage, then that should be your goal. I would attempt to get an estimate on the cost of building the cottage that you want and use that as a baseline for your savings goal.

Since you want to keep $12,000 as an emergency fund, you currently have about $33,000 saved toward the cottage. When you have your estimate, you’ll be able to figure out pretty quickly how long it will take you to save up to that point.

If that goal is less than two or three years out (which I’m guessing it will be), I would just leave it in a savings account (or perhaps buy a certificate of deposit for the short term to get a slight interest boost). The risks inherent in investing in things that might give you a return spike also open the door to the possibility of a loss on that money. You might not have to wait as long – or you might have to wait longer. The volatility in the stock market (and other markets) over that time frame is quite large and unpredictable.

Q4: Is deferrment a good idea?
I graduated out of college with $20,00 worth of student loans, $18,500 of which are subsidized. I also got a private loan from my bank for $10,000. I commissioned into the Air Force out of college, and my plan had been to pay all my loans back within 3 years. However, I just found out that as military active duty member, I can defer my student loans for a maximum of 36 months. During this deferment period my subsidized loans, i.e. the bulk of my loans, would remain interest free. I want to do the deferment to pay back the $10,000 bank loan without having to have paid too much interest on it and then refocus all of my attention on my student loans. Do you think this is a good idea or is there something I am overlooking?
- Rachel

I think this makes complete sense. It maximizes your cash flow each month (since you only have one debt to deal with over the next three years) without causing you to accrue more interest, and it actually saves you some interest because you’re able to hammer on that one remaining private loan by itself, making it go away that much faster.

If I were you, actually, I’d probably defer that loan for the full thirty six months. I’d pay off the other loan, then start saving every nickel and dime I could in a savings account. The day that loan became available, I’d make a huge payment on it, knocking off a large chunk of the balance (or maybe all of it) on day one (and using a bit of savings account interest to help even more).

That’s probably the fastest route to paying off your loans.

Q5: Unrealistic investing advice
Here’s a thought a struck me as I was reading through yet another respectable “how to retire wealthy” type book. These books all seem fine up until the point where they tell you to save regularly for a number of years and just get an 8-10% rate of return. Right, easiest thing in the world. In the current day and age 8-10% is really not so trivial to achieve. Whats your take on this?
- Barry

I agree completely. Most of the time, stock market quotes like that are reflective of the time in which they were written. If you’re writing during a time when the stock market has steamrolled for several years (say, 2007), you’re probably going to be very optimistic about the long term future of stocks.

I tend to trust the words of people who make their living with stocks and have been successful over the long haul. Warren Buffett, for example, estimates that 7% is a good long-term estimate for domestic stock market returns, so that’s the number I often use.

Values higher than that might happen over some time periods, but they’re unrealistic as an assumption for the future. Use something lower.

Q6: Staying motivated while self-employed
When you’re working at home, how do you keep yourself from just doing things like taking care of household tasks when you should be working? What keeps you focused and motivated in such a distracting environment?
- Linda

One of the upstairs bedrooms in our house has been converted into my “office.” When I go in there, I close the door (usually) and I basically forget that the rest of the house is even there.

I’m lucky in that I can focus really well on a task at hand. It is fairly easy for me to get in a “zone,” where all that matters is the writing and I basically lose track of time.

If this were not the case, I would consider having a small office somewhere outside the home that was solely devoted to work. On the rare occasions when there are too many distractions at home to write (like when my wife is home, all of our kids are home, and one of our kids has some friends over), I’ll just go to the library.

Q7: Will housing market ever improve?
My family is like most everyone right now; watching the equity in our house drop every month. We are fortunate to be “above water” on our mortgage but honestly our house no longer suits our growing family and needs some improving, such as new carpeting and painting, if we were to try to sell it. Should we do the improvements and take a bigger hit if it will help us sell the house or live in a house that we don’t like and is inconvenient for us until the housing market improves? Do YOU think it will ever improve?
- Rachel

Your question sounds like you’ve already made up your mind to move, so I’ll not address that part.

Instead, I’ll say that I do think the housing market will improve, but it won’t be immediate. The housing market is still correcting right now. Part of the problem is that too many houses were built by overzealous home builders, so it’s going to remain a buyer’s market for quite a while. Prices only go up when demand exceeds supply and there is simply a glut of supply right now.

When will that supply dry up? It’s just going to take a while. Either some homes will have to be removed from the market (by destroying marginal homes or some other means) or prices will have to drop enough that people who couldn’t previously afford homes now can afford homes. The very low rates on fixed rate mortgages are helping with that at the moment, as I know a few people who are getting into houses right now that would have never been able to (realistically) a few years ago.

If you’re wanting to sell soon, I’d probably ask a few realtors in your area how much more you’d realistically be able to get with the improvements you’re talking about and whether that would make it sell faster or slower. If it creates a better situation for you, do it; otherwise, skip it. It depends on what the market wants.

Q8: Putting away 10% for retirement
I work at a state university and am a part of my state’s Public Employees retirement savings plan. 10% of my paycheck goes into PERS then I have another 9% that is split between a Roth IRA and a 403(b). So I tell myself that I am saving 19% of my income for retirement. But then I think if I were still working for a private employer, I would only be savings about 9% because I would not mentally count the FICA deduction (since the future direction is questionable). What is you opinion, am I saving 19% of my income for retirement or only 9%?
- Maggie

You are absolutely saving 19% of your income for retirement. That 10% you’re putting into that PERS plan certainly will provide you income in retirement. The challenge is figuring out how much it will help.

How much it will help depends heavily on how your PERS is arranged. While I’m not familiar with how all PERS plans operate, most of them seem to essentially be pension plans, where you’re paid some steady amount upon retirement that’s influenced by number of years of service and other factors.

If I were you, I’d use the estimate calculators and see how much your PERS plan will provide for you in retirement. If you don’t feel as though that plus Social Security plus the return on your other retirement investments will be enough, then increase it. Otherwise, I think you’re doing very well for retirement.

Q9: Co-owning cars
A coworker of my girlfriend’s advised her that we could both save on car insurance if we assigned each other joint ownership of our respective vehicles and retained only one auto-policy. Have you ever heard of this? I haven’t found anything online so far, so I’m a little suspicious. That being said, do you see any risks to this strategy other than the obvious stuff that would come about from either of us being untrustworthy and taking advantage of the changes to title?
- Mike

It’s not suspicious. You’d simply be bundling insurance policies, which usually earns you a reduced rate from insurance carriers.

The only concern I would have from this is the issue you mentioned – concerns about the car titles. With both of your names on the title, you’re going to wind up with a pretty nasty disagreement if you guys decide to separate at some point in the future. It’s usually a bad idea to financially entangle yourself with someone without knowing for sure that there’s a long term future with that person.

Really, it comes back to your relationship. Where is it honestly heading? This is something worth talking over together.

Q10: Recommended reading
I know you’re a voracious reader. What’s the best book(s) you’ve read so far in 2011?
- Emily

The best fiction I’ve read this year so far was easily my re-read of the four books (so far) in the Song of Ice and Fire series, starting with A Game of Thrones. I re-read them in anticipation of both the miniseries and the fifth book in the series, and re-reading them reminded me of how much I enjoyed them and how much I enjoy well-written fantasy.

The best nonfiction I’ve read this year so far was Colonel Roosevelt by Edmund Morris, the third part of a trilogy of biographies focusing on the life of Teddy Roosevelt. This volume focuses on his life after leaving office in 1909, including his third party run for the presidency in 1912, the assassination attempt on his life, and his later exploration of the Amazon with his son. All three volumes in this series were great. I’m almost sad to see the series finished up.

I read voraciously, so I’d fully expect these choices to be different if I were to revisit them in December.

Got any questions? Email them to me or leave them in the comments and I’ll attempt to answer them in a future mailbag (which, by way of full disclosure, may also get re-posted on other websites that pick up my blog). However, I do receive hundreds of questions per week, so I may not necessarily be able to answer yours.

Every Sunday, The Simple Dollar reviews a personal finance or other book of interest. Also available is a complete list of the hundreds of book reviews that have appeared on The Simple Dollar over the years.

On My Own Two Feet by Manisha Thakor and Sharon Kedar is subtitled A Modern Girl’s Guide to Personal Finance, meaning that it joins a group of personal finance books targeting young(ish) women (such as Smart Women Finish Rich, You’re So Money, and Emotional Currency).

I find this area of personal finance books – ones directly targeting women – to be quite fascinating. Why is that even necessary?

Usually, the content is pretty straight personal finance with a few asides to women’s culture, which I think is a big clue. Many cultures often insert a big wedge between the roles of women and the roles of men, but over the last fifty years in the western world, that wedge has eroded quite a bit. My wife can do anything that a “man” can do, and I see nothing wrong with men enjoying tasks that are traditionally seen as women’s tasks, such as knitting and so on.

I’d love to see a world for my daughter where there’s no expectation of how roles will be defined in her relationships and they can decide those roles for themselves without any criticism from the outside world.

So, having said that, I’m actually glad that personal finance books exist for women that simply give straight-up personal finance advice without modifying it much at all for cultural needs. The asides to women’s culture in this book (and others like it) are minor and, in most cases, are practically an afterthought. It’s all about getting in control of your finances, something that’s useful to both men and women.

So, what’s actually addressed in the book? It’s broken down into three major sections, with each section subdivided into a number of short chapters and sections.

The Tools for Financial Empowerment
The first third of the book is all about getting you to the point where you’re spending less than you earn, you’re halfway secure, and your net worth is going up each month. Start saving now. Use your credit cards wisely. Understand your credit score. Get insurance. Build a basic budget.

This isn’t really a “get out of debt” book, though. It assumes that you may have a bit of credit card debt, but if you’re finding that your debt situation is bone-crushing, you may want to look elsewhere.

Instead, the book focuses on people who are what I would call drifting. They live mostly paycheck to paycheck, but they don’t have a lot of debt built up. They splurge a lot, but not excessively.

If you’re in that category, the best step you can take is saving for yourself first. Open up a savings account and set up an automatic transfer from your checking account to your savings account each week. Sit on that account until you actually need the money. This can prevent a lot of debt down the road.

The Path from Saving to Investing
Of course, once your debts are largely cleared and you’re saving a significant amount each month, you’re going to want that money to start working for you. The transition from “saver” to “investor” is covered in this section.

Why invest? Investing simply means that you’re putting your money someplace where it will (ideally) generate more money. If you buy a stock, for example, you hope that it goes up in value and that it issues you dividend payments regularly. Sure, a stock isn’t a fun purchase, but it is an income-generating purchase.

The best steps are baby steps. Start with one type of investment. Learn about it and make an initial small investment that doesn’t sacrifice your cash savings. Make that investment regular.

When you feel more confident, diversify. Invest in something else. The more different kinds of investments you have, the easier it is for you to survive a bad crash in one market.

The Strategies for Real-Life Situations
Your home. Your car. Your income taxes. Your love life. All of these things have enormous impacts on your money, so Manisha and Sharon devote significant parts of the third section to each issue.

In large part, it’s all about saving first and protecting yourself. If you want to buy a house, start saving for a down payment (and live in a modest apartment until you have it). If you’re looking at a car purchase in the future, start saving for that, too. Don’t forget to file your income taxes in April (that’s the biggest piece of the tax advice here, as it seems to encourage the reader to either use software or hire a tax preparer). Protect yourself in a relationship so that, if things go bad, you have a financially stable way to exit that relationship.

It’s all great advice and it all boils down to one thing: plan ahead.

Is On My Own Two Feet Worth Reading?
Like many personal finance books these days, On My Own Two Feet takes really sound personal finance advice and packages it with cultural asides that target a particular audience: college graduates, young professionals, stay-at-home moms.

Who does this book target? Young professional women, perhaps with a slight materialistic bent. If you’re in that group and you want a personal finance book that speaks directly to you, this is the book for you.

The further you are outside of that group, the less impact this book will have on you. While the personal finance facts are quite good, the cultural asides make less and less sense the further you are from being in that target audience.

Check out additional reviews and notes of On My Own Two Feet on Amazon.com.

A few weeks ago, I put out a call on Twitter and on Facebook for detailed posts that people would like to see. I got enough great responses that I’m going to fill the entire month of July – one post per day – addressing these ideas.

On Facebook, Edita asks an entertaining question: “which parenting books you found most valuable?”

I’ve read a lot of parenting books over the last several years. I’m quite deeply committed to being the best parent I can be and I want to do everything that I can to raise creative, self-reliant children who blossom into creative, self-reliant adults who feel unafraid to tackle anything that the world throws at them.

Of all of the books I’ve read on parenting, six of them really stand out for me in terms of making me think specifically about approaches and angles on parenting. These books were so profound to me that, in many ways, they also changed my approach to my own life.

The Read-Aloud Handbook by Jim Trelease
I first read this book shortly after my first child was born, expecting to mostly be a primer on reading aloud to children along with some suggested books for each age group. It turned out to be much more than that.

The book recast the simple act of reading to children as a central part of their intellectual development, from teaching them basic verbal skills, basic reading skills, presentation skills, and eventually abstract and creative thinking. Because of those changing needs, your techniques also need to change as your child ages so you can continually challenge them intellectually. It also provides a daily opportunity to sit down and simply relate with and connect with your children.

Not only that, it also (as a secondary theme) carried the idea that reading effectively to children amounts to working on the same skill set that can make you an effective presenter to adults. The same skills – clear speaking, impromptu interactions, expressing complex ideas simply – are at work in reading to children and presenting to adults.

I actually wrote a detailed review of The Read-Aloud Handbook several years ago.

Bringing Up Geeks by Marybeth Hicks
The key realization of this book is that many of the traits that we would like to see in our own children as adults are traits that will make them appear to be a “geek,” particularly while in school. So why not embrace that idea and just go with it? Are you raising someone whose societal and intellectual success will peak in high school or will peak in adulthood?

The book’s central premise is that you should encourage your children to pursue whatever they’re passionate about, even if it’s “different,” and also be ready to help them deal with the inevitable conflicted feelings they’ll have in the culture of adolescent children, where “different” tends to be ridiculed. Encouraging conformity isn’t the answer here. Instead, the answer revolves around techniques for handling those situations effectively.

I honestly wish my parents would have had a copy of this book twenty five years ago. It might have made a profound difference on my middle school and high school years.

NurtureShock by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman
I was given this book as a gift a few years ago, shortly after the birth of my second child. The book’s primary focus is on how, in an attempt to nurture our children and make an idyllic childhood for them, we often create adults that aren’t ready to handle the realities and demands of the real world.

The book is broken down into chapters that focus sharply on specific issues. One chapter, for example, focuses on why you shouldn’t over-praise your children and, when you do, you should praise the hard work they put in, not the result. Another chapter focuses on the value of an early bedtime, even one other parents would consider strangely early, because children tend to intellectually thrive when they get plenty of sleep. In other words, using later bedtimes as a reward is going to backfire and eventually cause worse results.

The writing is backed up by a truck load of psychological studies that support the points made, but it’s not particularly dry. Most of the ideas are translated into a very conversational style that makes this book a surprisingly quick read for the number of powerful ideas in it.

Mindset by Dr. Carol Dweck
The idea behind Mindset is that there are two fundamental mindsets that people address the world with.

One is the “fixed” mindset, where someone believes that the person they are is already defined and the outcomes produced by that person are indicative of the person they are. A person with a “fixed” mindset can’t change, in other words.

The other mindset is the “growth” mindset, where people recognize that a failure isn’t necessarily a poor reflection on them. Rather, it’s an opportunity to see where exactly they fall short and what exactly they need to work on and a reminder not of where they cannot go, but an insight as to what they need to do to get there.

Obviously, a “growth” mindset leaves a person more prepared to deal with the ongoing diverse demands of the world, and the focus of Mindset is on how to cultivate that type of perspective not only within your children, but within yourself.

I actually wrote a detailed review of Mindset a few years ago.

Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman
The premise behind Emotional Intelligence is that we are driven much more by our emotions than we even realize, and that success in many avenues of life come from not only controlling our own emotions, but also understanding how much others are driven by emotion.

Most of the actionable ideas in this book boil down to simple skills that we often fail to practice. Listening to what the other person is saying. Being able to calm yourself down quickly when you’re upset. Giving constructive and non-hurtful feedback. Controlling your short-term desires.

Virtually everyone has problems doing these things, but with practice, all of these things do become much more natural and easy, and with that comes success in many different dimensions of life – even unexpected ones.

The biggest challenge with Emotional Intelligence is that it’s not really written from the perspective of a parent wanting to instill this in their child. Goleman co-wrote a separate volume focusing on this angle, Building Emotional Intelligence, which is sitting in my to-be-read pile as I type this.

Born to Buy by Juliet Schor
Children are inundated with marketing messages from their infancy. It is virtually impossible to raise a child today without them being constantly faced with extremely clever marketing, from the use of toys and collectibles as an element of peer acceptance to the arrangement of packaging on the shelves of a grocery store – and don’t even get me started on television.

Born to Buy focuses on the almost shocking depth of these messages, which can deeply alter the entire worldview of a child if they’re not prepared to handle them. They can easily lead to a distorted value system and an inability to distinguish between wants and needs.

Much of this book focuses on exposing the depth of the messaging, but the latter portion of the book offers some very strong advice for minimizing the impact of media messages on your children. It was very powerful and eye-opening.

I wrote a series of posts covering Born to Buy a few years ago.

I consider these six books essential reading for any parent. If you’re a new or expecting parent, now’s the time to hit your local library or use that gift card you received at the baby shower.

A few weeks ago, I put out a call on Twitter and on Facebook for detailed posts that people would like to see. I got enough great responses that I’m going to fill the entire month of July – one post per day – addressing these ideas.

On Facebook, Patsy asked about “Spouses with disabilities… how can you help your spouse by earning extra income? Also, when you have funds for bills only, should you invest in starting a home business by not paying on a bill that month?”

Patsy is asking a number of interrelated questions here. However, the situation she describes is not an uncommon one. Many households involve one disabled spouse while the other spouse works outside the home. Their finances are often challenging, and the disabled spouse often has a big desire to do something to contribute to the income level of the household.

This brings us to the first question implied here.

How can a disabled person earn extra income?
There are several key factors to consider when thinking about this question.

First, is the disabled person able to earn an income? Some disabilities enable a wide variety of activities, while other activities may be completely out of the realm of the disabled person. A realistic assessment of what work can be done is a vital first step.

Second, how much additional income can be earned? Many disabled households have deep restrictions on additional income lest their disability benefits be cut. Before you start engaging in an income-earning activity, know exactly what your limits are on additional earning.

Often, disabled individuals have a hard time finding suitable employment because of their disability, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that they can’t produce useful work. A great option for individuals in this situation is piecework at home, where they can produce up to their physical or income limits with great control.

One option for this is Amazon’s Mechanical Turk. This is piecework broken down to a very simple level, with quick tasks to perform, but you don’t tend to earn a strong hourly rate (you’ll earn less than minimum wage). However, you can do it whenever you want at whatever rate you’re comfortable with.

Another option, particularly if you have writing skills, is freelance writing jobs. Usually, you’ll be asked to write an article (or a number of articles) for a website and are paid a small amount per article. Many such services exist, including freelancewritinggigs.com. Again, you won’t earn a mint from this, but it has incredible flexibility with time and energy restraints, which are often chief concerns with disabled individuals. If you are successful with this, you may eventually reach a point where you will want to launch your own website.

Of course, some of these options inherently have startup costs. For starters, many of these options require a home computer and internet access. For many households with a disabled person, finances are tight. How can you make that transition? That really hits on the second part of Patsy’s question.

Should you skip bills to fund a microbusiness?
No. Do not skip bills in order to fund a microbusiness. If you do this, you are putting yourself and the rest of your family in a very precarious financial position because, if you’re in this situation, you don’t have enough resources to keep the bills paid.

You shouldn’t start a microbusiness on credit, either. Don’t use a credit card to buy a newer computer because you dream of using it to make money. Again, you’re putting yourself in a more precarious financial position than you were before because of the dream of making money, not the reality of it.

The solution, as always, is frugality. Shave your spending in every way you can. If you need money for a basic piece of equipment to make this happen, start by cutting back spending every chance you can. Each time you do that, put away some of what you saved for that purchase. Even if it just means putting a dollar in a jar, that’s still a positive move.

Also, don’t invest in high-end equipment unless you’re upgrading low-end equipment that you’ve used to death. For starters, never overinvest in starting a business in an area where you don’t have a proven track record. If you’re trying to start an online business, don’t buy a top-end piece of equipment. Buy a low-end piece of equipment, as it can do most of the things you’ll need to do. Always minimize your startup expenses in every way you can.

Similarly, this is a perfect situation to ask for help with. If your financial reality is this tight, consider asking your church for help or look for help with other community groups. Many people would be happy to donate older equipment to you for just this type of use.

Very rarely will you improve your situation by buying something, particularly when you can’t really afford it. If you’re in a state where you’re deciding between a purchase and paying your monthly bills, you can’t really afford it.

Each week, I highlight ten things each week that inspired me to greater financial, personal, and professional success. Hopefully, they will inspire you as well.

1. Black Button
This is a really interesting short film about a choice.

Would you push the button? I wouldn’t.

2. Winston Churchill on remaining true
Winston Churchill delivered this as part of a commencement speech at his old school (Harrow) in 1941, just as the tide was gently beginning to turn in the second World War.

“Never give in. Never give in. Never, never, never, never – in nothing, great or small, large or petty – never give in, except to convictions of honor and good sense. Never yield to force. Never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy.” – Winston Churchill

It is so easy to be overwhelmed by the expectations of society and of the community around you. Don’t give in, except to what you think is right and wrong.

3. Lonely Tree by Julie Berlin
I think we all feel like this sometimes.

There is a big part of me that’s drawn to trees like this. If I were in that field, I would have a very hard time resisting walking toward that tree.

4. Thoreau on aiming high
What are you doing to make the world a better place?

Aim above morality. Be not simply good, be good for something. – Henry David Thoreau

One of the challenges I always had at my previous job is that I couldn’t connect it very well to improving the world. All I felt like I was doing was setting up resources that were mostly used by companies to increase their profits. Although I liked the work, when I thought about the end product of it, I often felt empty.

5. Chris Anderson on technology’s long tail
The “long tail” refers to the fact that even relatively unsuccessful creative works will often sell slowly for a long time, picking up fans and viewers and readers along the way.

Part of the reason I enjoy writing online so much is because online writing has a tremendously long tail. People are regularly stumbling on things I wrote in 2007 and 2008.

6. J. M. Barrie on life and humility
If we ever begin to think too much of ourselves, life will inevitably slap us in the face.

“Life is a long lesson in humility.” – J. M. Barrie

Be glad with what you have and don’t come to expect that the world owes you anything.

7. Mencken on the depth and width of life
What is the width and depth of your life?

“You can’t do anything about the length of your life, but you can do something about its width and depth” – Henry Louis Mencken

Width is all about how many people you affect with what you do, how many valuable relationships you have, and so on. Depth is about how deeply your life affects others. Every time you build up a relationship or help someone in need, you add to the depth and width of your life.

8. StartCooking
This is a YouTube channel filled with great instructional cooking videos, particularly aimed toward beginners. I particularly like their short instructional videos, like this one on preparing garlic:

Short, sweet, to the point, and upbeat. It’s exactly what you want in a cooking video.

9. e.ggtimer.com
The name really says it all. This is simply a very flexible timer for whatever your needs may be.

I actually have a series of bookmarks to various specific timers for my own use: 45 minutes for uninterrupted writing, a 2 hour reminder to get away from the screen and stretch, a nice morning routine, and a teeth-brushing timer.

10. Woman at Her Toilette: Madame Poupoule (1898), by Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec
For the longest time, I thought this was a woman sitting in a cafe reading a book. I didn’t know the title of the painting, but I saw it once many years ago and it stuck in my mind.

I found it again this week, and to say I was surprised by the actual name of it is an understatement.