“Listen to others. Don’t just wait for them to take a breath so you can interject your own thoughts.” I never thought of that kind of conversational style as greedy, but I guess it is. I get very impatient, and find myself doing that way too often. One of the things I remember the clearest from Last of the Mohicans (the book – I remember pretty much everything from the movie since it had Daniel Day Lewis in it!) was how it talked about the way in which Hawkeye and his Indian brother and father spoke with each other, especially in disagreement – with thoughtfulness, pausing to absorb the other’s statement and really think about it with an open mind, being willing to be convinced, not just listening enough to make a counterargument and thus win the argument. I read that 15 years ago, and it stuck with me.

I think the type of anger you refer to is better called righteous indignation. Without anger, even outrage, there would never have been a civil rights movement in this country. And women would still be considered property. It is because those treated unfairly got angry enough to act, not because people just calmly looked around and said, hey, you know what? Maybe women should vote too, and maybe all our kids should go to school together. Heck, let’s pass an amendment today…pass the coffee, please.

On the subject of anger I sometimes wonder if there isn’t value in distinguishing between two different types: Anger that raises adrenaline and causes someone to say or do something they later regret, versus anger that motivates someone to take action against a wrong in a constructive, long term manner.

I occasionally get angry, and have been told time and again, “You shouldn’t be angry,” while there are good reasons for me feeling this way. (For the record, I am a woman, and a lot of people seem to feel uncomfortable with female anger especially.)

Feel it, express it in a mature way, communicate it as needed and make changes as necessary. Take a walk to blow off steam if you need to. Repressing anger (and other strong emotions) is what leads to blow-ups and serious dysfunction later on.

And it seems like you’re suggesting people bottle up their emotions. This is bad advice. People should communicate their emotions, and express them, but they should do so in a mature and responsible way. Blowing up isn’t a mature way to behave, but to suppress your emotions and not share your feelings isn’t healthy.