As luck would have it, I looked at the preacher, said “I do” and got pregnant. Just kidding. But it was that quick. I even came 3 weeks early per the doctor. Had to prove it for insurance back in the 60′s. 2 1/2 years later, same thing. Stopped bc and got pregnant immediately.

I was right. I was a good mother. I was extremely lucky with my children, though I often teased my son and said if he had been born first, we wouldn’t have had a second one. He was that hard headed. Later I even wanted 2 more, but by then my husband knew he did not want more than our two.

I was also lucky in that both my children slept all night long by the time they were one month old. My daughter would wake up an hour later than normal (3 a.m. instead of 2 a.m.) and the doctor said to let her wait 15 minutes or half an hour for her feeding. Worked like a charm. So I did the same thing with my son. No problems.

My children are now 47 and 44 and the most loving people I know, especially to me. And I have trouble believing that I actually raised 2 such smart, wise cracking kids. Must have taken after their father – smart, funny and hard headed.

I see parents posting on message boards who say that they “don’t want to miss a single moment” of their kid’s childhood and I think, “Really? Because I can name 5 in my kid’s morning I’d have happily missed.” And for the record, I’ve got a pretty happy, healthy (touch wood) easy-going kid.

But I did reach a point in my life where I’d travel (to pick up on something you’d mention) and think, “Eh. Another breathtakingly beautiful [fill in the blank -- waterfall, gothic cathedral].” Having a child to share and explore with has for me brought a novel and exciting joy to even otherwise mundane spots. But that’s not to say you’ll experience either the boredness I was nor that you’d find the same joy — just that that’s where I was. There was plenty I didn’t want to change, but important ways in which I did.

I never said, and certainly did not intend to imply that my outstanding parenting skills have created a miracle child. :). Like most kids, he is ahead of the curve in some ways, behind the curve in others.

But by your own statistics, 90% of babies AREN’T collicky, and arent gong to scream nn-stop for months. Because 10% of parents have a really hard experience doesnt mean the other 90% are necessarily going to have a hard time as well. And agan, by your statistics, 70% of babies are sleeping through the night by 9 months. The sleepness nights are finite. My beef with the media that only talks about the hard aspects of parenting is that it is overly cynical, and acts as if you will never, ever sleep again, as long as you live, and you will be covered in vomit and excrement the whole zombie like time, for 18 bankrupt years, the end! There is a whole range of experience between “parenting is a breeze!” and “parenting is a regrettable nightmare!”.

From Babycenter website : “Some infants as young as 3 months old can snooze for six to eight hours at a stretch. Others won’t sleep this long until they’re 12 months. But most babies (70 percent) do sleep through the night by the time they hit 9 months, according to the National Sleep Foundation.”

So you can see that a full 30% of babies don’t even sleep through the night by 9 months and only “some” infants do so by 3 months. If your child did so by 2 months they were certainly in a small minority.

10% of babies have colic which means they cry (scream) for 3 or more hours daily for 2-4 months.

No, the whole world is not lying about how hard babies are. It seems that your baby is not as hard as most at least in this respect and I am guessing they may be easier in many other ways too. Its also not about how great of a parent someone is. I know people who have one baby who has colic and the other baby is quiet and content. You can even have twins that are different that way.

Your experience is different and that doesn’t mean everyone is lying about how hard it is.

I know many people do these things. I also know that folks generally look the other way . . . HOWEVER if someone does report the apartment [more likely because it would be a new rental - people will notice and maybe not like it!] if it were here she would be required to take out many of the improvements she just spent money to put in, as well as pay fines and lose the tenant etc.

It may be perfectly fine where you are, but you need to check!

I chose to have kids, not because I was unhappy with my life, but because I wanted to share my happy life with children. I did anticipate some of the benefits as well as some of the hardships, but I just knew I wanted to do it. I think parents are allowed to regret their decision from time to time, too, but for me at least it is a blessing over all.

Kevin, it’s very cynical of you to say that “deep down, most parents regret having children.” Where do you get your information? Are you just assuming that because you would regret it? I really don’t think you’re right. But we’ll never know, because no matter how much I say, “Ask parents and they’ll tell you they don’t regret it,” you’ll come back with, “They’re just not admitting what they feel deep down,” and neither of us will be able to prove what parents feel “deep down,” so I guess it an un-winnable argument. :)

I think if you follow all the contemporary advice on parenting, yeah, it is going to be way harder than necessary. Your kids don’t need to be actively engaged in something “enriching” 24/7. They don’t need to be hauled to a dozen different activities. You don’t need all the crap that the stores insist you “need for baby!”. Yes, you will spend more money on the baby than before you had a kid. No, it will not be nearly as expensive as the media likes to make it out to be, unless you really insist on only paying top-dollar for everything.

Most of the parents I meet just need to flippin’ relax and not take it all so seriously!

True, your kid could grow up to be a drug addict. Or, he could grow up to be a doctor. More than likely, he’ll grow up to be a regular guy that works in one of those big, anonymous office complexes you pass driving down the highway.

As far as why I wanted to change my life completely, I really don’t have a good answer other than “I just wanted a kid”. I wanted a family of my own. I had a good partner, we had an ok amount of money, we seemed to be on the same page as far as values, so we had a kid. I had my son the week before my 36th birthday, so I spent a long time as a childless person, and knew what that life had to offer. It was nice, but I wanted something different. I have changed a lot as a person since having my child, and I think those changes are positive. I am more patient, I don’t take myself so seriously. I am better at stepping outside myself and considering some one else’s view point now. I am not saying you can only accomplish that by having a child; of course not! But these were pleasant “side effects” of raising my son.

Overall, the experience so far is great. Yes, I know, whatever stage is coming next is always ominously called “the hard stage!”. We’ll figure it out; it will be ok. I’ve certainly put in more effort for less worthwhile endeavors in life!

And it’s quite true that if nobody had kids, society would be in trouble. But. The idea that ‘if everyone stopped’ = ‘if one couple chooses not to have kids’ is completely bogus. Some people have more than two, some don’t have any.

My husband and I are happily childfree. We will not be contributing our genes to posterity, it’s true, but we are socially responsible in other ways. That’s our choice, and we don’t regret it. And we are not alone–google ‘childfree’ and you’ll find there are a lot of other people out there.

That having been said- if you had kids anyway, you’d likely find that your feelings had changed. That’s because the act of having children triggers all sorts of neurochemical reactions that affect emotion and bonding. My mother always told me, ‘you’d feel differently about children if you had them’, and I don’t doubt her for a moment. Personally, I find the idea of hormones screwing with my head so drastically rather creepy, but hey, that’s me.

I sincerely do not understand why anyone would want to put themselves through that. Moreover, I’m convinced that deep down, most parents regret having kids. I believe they were “sold” on the idea of parenthood by other parents, because misery loves company. They bought into the propaganda, and by the time they realized what a bad deal it was, it was too late. So they can either complain, or try to convince themselves that they never really liked being well-rested anyway.

I think parenthood is one of the greatest marketing snow-jobs in history. Obviously, SOMEONE has to have kids, but I think a huge portion of people go into parenthood expecting it to be something it’s not. Not every kid is an obedient, loving, thoughtful productive member of society. Every homeless drug addict out there is someone’s kid. Everyone in prison is someone’s kid. Every “problem child,” every Autistic/Turette’s/ADHD high-maintenance person is someone’s kid. It’s not all rainbows and lollipops.

I just don’t get it.

I am in the same situation as Kevin in that I am happy with my current life and have no desire to turn it upside down by doing something that “changes everything”.

Do most people who have kids think about it in the terms that Kevin proposes? From what I have observed, most people are more likely to say something along the lines of “I am happy with my life. I want kids” rather than “I am happy with my life. Kids change everything. I want to change everything about my life, even though I am happy with how it is now”.

I would love to hear some input from parents who were happy with their life before having kids, yet made the decision to have kids, knowing it would change the happy life they had created. Did you think it would make you happier with your life? Or did you suspect it would make you less happy, but you felt there were benefits to having kids that outweighed that change?

And if everyone stopped having children, well, I think you know the eventual outcome. You may love your life as it is right now but I guarantee it won’t last. Both you and your life will change, having a small army of loving helpers one, two and three generations younger is a blessing as you age. Family is highly underrated.

I liked my life before I had my baby, but that didn’t stop me from wanting children. Children bring other joys, other great things, and yes, a lot of extra work. Can you not grasp the concept that some people want to have children? Why should we “change our life and find happiness in some other way”? I guess I’m not sure what you’re asking. No, some people won’t want to give up their current lifestyle, but others feel like the change (even the negative parts) is worth it. I suppose we could all just be happy where we are, but then no one would procreate. :)

To those of you who say having a baby changes your life completely: were you unhappy with your life BEFORE you had the baby? Why did you WANT to “change your life completely?” Do you think it might have been possible to change your life and find happiness in some other way, besides making an 18-year commitment to living in service to another human?

One other thing- do not discount the possibility of post- partum depression. It is real, and devastating to the mom, and dangerous. If you think it is more than mild baby blues and sleep deprivation, seek help, immediately.

I read a great book about this, ‘what mothers do; especially when it looks like nothing’ by Naomi Stadlen (herself a mother and a counselor for mothers groups).

The gist is that a young mother is working IMMENSELY hard but all the work is invisible and can only be seen months or years later when you have a well brought up child with no mental traumas. If you have not been a mother you have no idea of what goes into bring up a baby and this book explains some of it. The main idea is that without words to describe the HUGE amount of work done even the mother, never mind bystanders, may completely underestimate what is required. When the mother underestimates the work she is doing it is easier to get depressed because you feel like you are spending the whole day getting nothing done, when really you are working harder than you ever have in your life.

Another author described a hypothetical job where you have to work 24/7 for a year and then you get $1million. Obviously you would turn down that job as no one can work that hard, yet every mother does work (very nearly) that hard. By that argument $1million worth of man hours goes in to making a one year old.