Comments on: Dependency

By: Lou

Lou — Mon, 30 Apr 2012 18:41:46 +0000

I too have seen addiction ruin lives, but I have also seen people come back from addiction and build good lives. In my experience, that takes both professional help and lots of support from loved ones.

I suffer from PTSD, so severe that I am on disability. Sometimes I end up hiding under the furniture or in the back of the closet, weeping, for days at a time. The people who love me (not my family, by the way) drag me out, feed me, take me to my doctor or therapist. Eventually, I am more or less back in the normal range.

Without these people, I would probably be living on the streets and self-medicating with any substance I could find. They have, quite literally, saved me. I can only be grateful. Strangely enough, they have no use for my gratitude; they say that when I am myself, I enrich their lives.

I guess my point is that people who most need help can’t always get it for themselves.

By: DannyD

DannyD — Mon, 23 Apr 2012 16:03:08 +0000

We need a war on addiction, not a war on drugs.

By: BV

BV — Sun, 22 Apr 2012 18:37:34 +0000

Wonderful article. You can replace “drugs” with any other addiction or personal issue. Getting help is not only responsible, but removes your ego just long enough to get help and get on the right track.

By: Matthew

Matthew — Sun, 22 Apr 2012 11:41:55 +0000

This was a very touching post. I am still not over losing a cousin to meth amphetamine addiction and my college room mate to alcoholism. he is homeless now. I feel they have been stolen from me. Thank you for sharing.

By: Carolyn

Carolyn — Sun, 22 Apr 2012 04:56:28 +0000

This is very true about people being willing to help when you ask. They are often aching to help you. I’ve been on both sides of the equation and find them each humbling.

By: Susan

Susan — Sun, 22 Apr 2012 03:03:11 +0000

As someone who has been in therapy and also participated in 12 step programs I can tell you that therapy is not for everyone. Not everyone has insurance, finds the right therapist or feels comfortable within that type of system. Psychology is newer than family and building community. Having good and solid relationships keeps people connected and healthy for the most part. There is no reason to put it down.

By: mike

mike — Sun, 22 Apr 2012 00:16:13 +0000

“The single worst thing you can do for your finances – and much of the rest of your life – is put yourself in a position where you no longer have full control over your decisions.”

You sold the website that you built. I don’t blame you for doing it and I hope it’s working out exactly like you hoped it would…but you made the deal.

I consider your advice interesting, considering the situation.

By: Vonnie

Vonnie — Sat, 21 Apr 2012 23:13:41 +0000

Wow. That is a great post on so many levels. I see the slide into addictions around me too, and it’s heartbreaking. Thanks, Trent.

By: Paula

Paula — Sat, 21 Apr 2012 19:21:26 +0000

When I married my husband 25 years ago I found out he was addicted to cocaine. I have found I really hate drugs because I saw firsthand how the took a very good man and nearly tore apart his life and family. Luckily I stuck with him and it took 2 years to get him to stop. Fast forward 20 years and he is now an alcoholic that thankfully is sober. It’s been a long road but am very glad we stuck together. He is still a good man and his personality has not changed much. I understand the feeling of betrayal and don’t know if I ever could fully trust him again but I do love him and we now have a good life together. It is like you said, I don’t hate him for the mistakes he has made, but respect him for what he has overcome. Thank you for a great article.

By: MizLoo

MizLoo — Sat, 21 Apr 2012 17:29:59 +0000

Clear, compassionate and useful.. The mention of friends and family is important – sometimes knowing you need help and finding it don’t coincide. A trusted clear-headed friend can make the difference.

By: Joan

Joan — Sat, 21 Apr 2012 15:10:37 +0000

#4 Angie, I agree completely.
Trent, I had the opportunity to observe what drugs can do to a great person. The person in question had many (I mean MANY trophies) from his high school years. In college he got ahold of some bad drugs and at the time I met him, he had a hard time putting simple items together. I had taken him to his house to get something and he showed me his trophies. His father couldn’t hardly stand to look at him. It was a really sad waste of a good person. No amount of professional help would ever replace his lost brain cells. This is a very important column. Thank you for writing it.

By: Sandra

Sandra — Sat, 21 Apr 2012 15:07:10 +0000

Trent, thank you for writing this column.

By: Jo

Jo — Sat, 21 Apr 2012 14:58:39 +0000

A deeply felt and truly meaningful post. Thank you for writing it.

By: EJ

EJ — Sat, 21 Apr 2012 14:23:39 +0000

Best article Ive read in my years of reading TSD, great job Trent.

By: Angie unduplicated

Angie unduplicated — Sat, 21 Apr 2012 13:45:53 +0000

Trent, this may be the most important column you’ve ever written.

By: ~ Sil in Corea

~ Sil in Corea — Sat, 21 Apr 2012 12:33:07 +0000

Not really, Tracy. Friends and family who have passed through the same problem and come out successfully are the best helpers. They generally will share what worked for them and encourage the person. It helps to have a positive role-model when one is struggling with changing old habits.

By: Marta

Marta — Sat, 21 Apr 2012 12:22:36 +0000

Time and time again you write articles that keep me coming back.

By: Melissa

Melissa — Sat, 21 Apr 2012 11:45:54 +0000

Very well said message!

By: Alan

Alan — Sat, 21 Apr 2012 11:33:16 +0000

This reminds me of myself. I think I can say I have a few harmful addictions (Is it redundant to say that?) I’ve been a few weeks now drinking only water (and one lapse of soda) so I feel a bit empowered by that, but I still have a large, hm, ‘dependence’ on video games.

I do count myself as a gamer and love the positive aspects of our community, but sometimes I can feel myself relying on the artificial relationships & feelings of ‘reward’ typical to video games. I know my social interactions suffer for this, which I hate about myself. Recently I have tried to be veeery cognizant about interactions with others while they happen, so as not to be mindlessly offensive by accident, but I know I come off weird or awkward sometimes; to say nothing of my behavior with women and “ability” to flirt (hah)!

Whoops I spilled my guts to the internet. Well, this site’s followers seem very positive and supportive, and I’ve got to say it was an easy choice to favorite (lured in by the oatmeal article, which had a zillion comments, hah). Anyway, this article really spoke to me, and I like your candor in writing. An idea I just now had was to keep a notebook of Daily Embetterment (made upa word, yup), in which I keep ideas I think will be helpful down the road, especially as I become more stable in life. This site’s probably going to give me a huge leg up in that project. So, thank you.

By: Sandy

Sandy — Sat, 21 Apr 2012 07:12:52 +0000

Wow. Occasionally we get something decent to read and this is one of them. I had the same situation when I was a kid. Alcohol got someone whom I loved dearly, and he became so morose that towards the end of his life he wouldn’t even talk to me ( or many others). I became scared of him, and tended to avoid him anyway.
Same thing happened to my marriage of 21 years. Alcohol got him, and the marriage died. I had met him at 16 and he was the love of my life. We have four kids.
I have since remarried, to a wonderful man who doesn’t drink at all. Alcohol and drugs wreck people. Simple as that.