I’ve seen it over and over again: the person in the office with self-confidence is the one that gets the plum assignments. The promotions. The raises. The recognition. The others, who sit back quietly, get left behind (and sometimes resent it).

For a long time, I was one of the resentful folks. I had a hard time speaking up in group situations and I hated presenting. The first time I had to give a major presentation to a group and interact with them, I went to the bathroom repeatedly and threw up until I was dry heaving because I was so nervous and so unconfident.

What I’ve learned over time is that the person that appears confident is often not as confident as they appear. They just simply do a few things well. They walk in a way that appears confident. Their eyes seem alert. They stand tall. They have a faint appeal that you can’t quite put your finger on. You feel fine talking to them, but not to most people.

They’re not wired differently than you. They just do a few clever things.

Over time, I’ve figured out how to make many of those things quite natural for me – and most of the techniques I use are somewhat unusual. Here are ten of them. Each of them will help if you have problems with appearing confident, as I sometimes do.

1. Pick a spot.
When you first walk into a room, look around with your head completely level. Find a spot in the room that’s exactly at your eye level. It can be something on the wall, an object hanging from the ceiling, or something else. Pick something you’ll find visually interesting, if you can find anything. Once you’ve found your spot, remember it. Then, whenever you’re nervous, sweep your eyes to that spot.

What this does is it allows you to keep your nervous tic of staring at the floor or looking away from someone – something that can be very hard for an introvert to break – and redirect it in a bit of an optical illusion. By keeping your eyes up at eye level – which they will be if you look at that object – you appear to be looking at another person. That is a subtle cue of confidence – you’re looking for others, thus you must be socially accepted.

Obviously, you shouldn’t stare at the object, but knowing it’s there and looking at it from time to time when you’re nervous is a vast improvement over casting your eyes down, which signals a complete lack of confidence.

2. Improve your posture with duct tape.
Yes, duct tape. Masking tape or electrical tape or even Scotch tape will work, too. You’ll need a friend or a spouse with this.

Stand up as straight as you can, with your back vertical and your arms at your sides, relaxed. Then, have a friend take a strip of duct tape and run a three inch strip down your back. The top of it should be on the center of one of your shoulder blades and end three inches below it. Then, that person should put a second strip, starting at the center of your other shoulder blade and going straight down for three inches. Take a third strip and apply it horizontally, connecting the tops of the strips, then a fourth strip connecting the bottoms of the vertical strips. You should have a rectangle on your back, nearly square in shape.

Here’s the thing. As you go through your day, every time you attempt to slouch, that tape will tug at your skin, resisting a poor change in posture. It’s not painful (unless you have excessive hair back there), but it is enough of a physical reminder to cause you to naturally keep a good posture.

This works great before a big meeting, but it also works great for training by doing it every day for a few weeks. You’ll naturally exercise some muscles in your back, making them stronger, and allow other muscles to relax and slightly weaken. What will happen is that your muscles will begin to find that a position of good posture is the natural one and that’s how you’ll begin to sit and stand.

Good posture gives the appearance of confidence, and this is a great little way to create that appearance.

3. Carry a flask – whether you drink or not.
I was at a conference chatting with a really solid presenter from Oracle whose name I can’t recall right now – let’s call him “Jim.” After a really great presentation, I started chatting with Jim and discovered that we knew a few people in common, so after the chat, we agreed to go get a drink together.

On the way, we both needed to stop to use the restroom. When I was finished, I walked out to see Jim taking a big slug out of a flask he had pulled out of his front pocket. I jokingly said, “Whoa, cowboy! Getting an early start?” He smiled, swished the liquid around in his mouth for a minute, then spit out some blue stuff. He grinned and said, “Listerine.”

It was a trick of his. Whenever he was about to meet with some people, he’d head to the bathroom, take a slug out of his flask, swish it around for a bit, then spit it out. He’d follow it with a bit of water to get any bad taste out, then look in the mirror to make sure there wasn’t any food in his teeth.

Doing that simple routine made him feel better. He could be sure his breath didn’t smell at all, his mouth felt squeaky clean, and he was also confident there was no food on his face or in his teeth. All around, it really gave his confidence a bump.

Good advice. I actually started just keeping a travel bottle of Listerine with me, but this is a great use for a flask since they’re designed to fit well in a pocket.

4. Go for a thirty minute fast walk three times a week.
Walking improves your health. We all know it – and it’s absolutely true. Thirty minutes walking instead of watching a television show will help you lose weight, feel better, and all that.

But it has an extra confidence booster in it as well.

If you make an effort to walk as fast as you can on your walks, the speed of your natural, normal walk will increase, too. It’ll feel more natural for you to go faster, so you will. You’ll strengthen all the appropriate muscles and, soon, the way you walk across a room will look much more confident than before without any conscious effort on your part.

5. Memorize a person’s eye color with one extra adjective.
I have a hard time looking people in the eye. Mostly, it’s because my eyes sometimes have problems focusing well, especially in the evening, but there’s also an aspect of low confidence there, too.

I’ve found a solution that works well in both regards. It gives me a reason to look people in the eye on a regular basis (making me appear confident) but not too much (making me appear creepy).

All I do is this. When I first meet a person, I look into their eyes until I can describe their eye color with one noun and at least one descriptive adjective. Their eyes are “cloudy blue.” Their eyes are “mocha brown.” Once I’ve figured it out, I’m free to look away.

Then, if I can’t recall immediately their eye color, I know I should look back. In practice, this means that I tend to look at their eyes directly several times early on in our conversation, but not too much at one shot. Instead, I alternate it with the first trick, swiveling my eyes to an object at eye level in the room.

What does this do? It creates an impression that I’m interested in what they’re saying and also fully engaged in the larger event – very confident – when in truth I’m not confident at all.

6. Keep a chamomile tea bag in your wallet.
Chamomile tea is an effective natural relaxant. It is the single best natural way I’ve found to calm myself down in any situation that makes me nervous. If I feel awkward, I’ll just find some hot water, put it in a cup, dunk in a bag of chamomile tea, let it steep for a couple minutes, then drink it down. Calmness washes over me.

It really helps with appearing confident, too. I tend to get quite nervous during social events – and it shows. I talk too fast, look away, and generally hide from conversation. In short, I need to calm down. When I’m calm, my speech gets a bit slower, I’m less nervous around other people, and I’m more willing to engage others – all signs of confidence.

Chamomile is a natural calming agent that’s pretty much socially acceptable in any situation, so it’s a great “secret weapon” to have in your pocket.

7. “Hi, I’m Trent Hamm.” Period.
Whenever I would introduce myself to people, I often found myself saying things like, “Hi, I’m Trent Hamm and I work on this project and I wrote this document” or something to that effect. In my nervousness, I felt the need to include what amounted to a short resume with my name.

I believed at the time that it would do a good job of laying out who I was to people, but what it actually does is shows that you’re not confident already in who you are. If the other person doesn’t know who you are, they’ll either ask for information – or they’ll hold it in and believe they should know who you are. In either case, you seem more intriguing and in control.

So, next time you introduce yourself, stop with your name. At the very least, it opens the door to more conversation.

8. Hit Google News.
Whenever I enter a group, I usually stop and check the news to see if any major events have occurred really recently. This gives me something to break the ice with almost every time – I can simply use a major news event or a popular culture event to open with.

I usually read the top stories and see if there’s anything of strong general interest there. If it’s a slow news day, I’ll check the entertainment and sports news. In some groups, I’ll check other news sections, too – technology works well in some groups, and business and money news works well in other groups. If I see something interesting but I don’t understand a big piece of it, I take another few seconds and hit Wikipedia to give myself enough context that I’m not clueless.

Having a current event or two in my head gives me something to say when I’m standing there wondering what on earth I should be talking about. Quite often, the person who comes up with conversation topics is often the person who comes off as confident, as many other people are often standing around just as nervously.

9. Take five deep breaths.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed with a situation or you’re about to step out into a room where you have to start speaking very quickly, just pause for a moment and take five deep breaths.

The intake of a lot of oxygen does several little things to your biochemistry, all of which are helpful. It lowers blood pressure. It increases alertness. It reduces anxiety. In short, it’s a very simple thing that helps in almost any situation that makes you nervous.

I find that any time I know I’m going to be speaking soon, I do this. It always helps, without fail – I feel better right after doing it.

10. When in doubt, ask a question.
So, your breath smells good. Your posture is good. You naturally walk with confidence and introduce yourself with confidence. You do a bit of small talk with current events. Then….

The best thing you can possibly do is lead the conversation. The best way to do that is to simply ask a question and then listen to the response. Ask them what they do. Ask them about their biggest project. Ask them what they think of the meeting, or of the last speaker. Ask them what hotel they’re staying at and if they like it.

Then, listen to what they say. Almost always, you can follow up on something there. You can relate your own experience or thoughts. You can ask another question. You can dig into information that you actually want to know more about.

Line this up with the other techniques (the eye technique and good posture) and you’ll look confident no matter how you feel inside.

Good luck.

In April and May, National Public Radio featured a series on inexpensive gourmet dishes entitled How Low Can You Go?” Although many of the dishes looked quite tasty, most of the dishes weren’t actually all that inexpensive, often narrowly getting below $10 to feed a family of four, and many involved arduous cooking processes. I decided to try out some of these recipes throughout the summer to see how I could take the recipes and reduce them down to a simple and very inexpensive form.

Dal is a delicious simple Indian dish, often served with rice or wheat flatbread (called “roti”). It’s often a mainstay of vegetarian diets because it provides quite a bit of protein, and the rich flavorings make it palatable to us omnivores as well. Valerie Gaino, of Pichilemu, Chile, submitted a delicious Chilean variant on the dish to the How Low Can You Go contest:

3 cups of lentils
2 cups of chopped potatoes
2 chopped carrots
3 chopped tomatoes
1 hot pepper, chopped
1 small onion chopped
2 gloves garlic chopped
16 ounces tomato sauce
1 tsp cumin
a little beer or sherry
a little red vinegar
olive oil
1/2 cup chopped cilantro
salt and pepper

1. Soak and cook lentils till soft. Drain and rinse, set aside.
2. Sautee onions, garlic, hot pepper, and cumin in olive oil. Add beer or sherry.
3. Add potatoes and carrots, cover with water, bring to boil.
4. Add tomatoes and cook till potatoes are soft.
5. Add lentils and tomato sauce.
6. Salt and pepper to taste. (I sometimes add more water or beer if it’s too thick, or vinegar if it’s too sweet.) Add more cumin or hot sauce if you like it really spicy.
7. Throw in the cilantro, take if off the heat. Serve after a few minutes.

One immediate problem I observed is that the “three cups of lentils” likely refers to three cups of lentils after boiling, which means that 1 1/2 to 2 cups of dry lentils should be more than adequate for this recipe. Three cups of dry lentils would make this recipe mostly flavored lentils with a few other pieces thrown in.

Sarah (my wife, for those of you new to The Simple Dollar) handled most of the food preparation for this dish, so most of the notes that follow come from her. Here are the ingredients we used:

First, you simply boil some dry lentils, easily found in the bean section of any grocery store. We only used two cups of dry lentils to start with. Just boil them in a large pot with plenty of water for about thirty minutes or so and they’re fine, then drain the water off of them. This can be done a day or two in advance – store the cooked, drained lentils in the refrigerator. Here are the lentils we had after boiling:

While the lentils are boiling, you’re going to be spending that time chopping vegetables – again, something you can do a day or two in advance. The potatoes, carrots, tomatoes, onion, and garlic all need to be chopped.

We use a special knife called an ulu to make this process easier. An ulu is an all-purpose knife used by the Inuit for many different purposes, but it works really well for quickly chopping small amounts of vegetables. You simply grasp it by the handle and rock it back and forth on a cutting board with the vegetables underneath.

Of course, you can use pretty much any knife to chop vegetables – this is just a recipe where the ulu really comes in handy.

Next, I sauteed the onions, garlic, pepper, and cumin together, with about two tablespoons of white sherry. The same amount of a mild beer would be fine.

Next, add the potatoes and carrots, then add enough water to cover everything, then raise it to a boil. Once the water is boiling, add the tomatoes and then let it boil for ten minutes or so. Check a piece of potato and see whether it’s soft enough for your tastes – if it isn’t, let it boil for another five minutes and check again.

Once the potatoes are finished, it’s basically done. Just add the tomato sauce and the lentils, stir it a bit, season with some salt and pepper, and serve it!

Of course, you’ll want to serve it on something. If you have access to a flatbread, that’ll do just fine. Alternately, you can simply use rice. Here’s our rice steamer in action, steaming while the dal was cooking:

You might also want to have something else on the side. We had a very simple chickpea curry – basically just chickpeas (garbanzo beans) loaded up with curry paste. Yes, we love our chickpeas at the Hamm household!

Here’s our final plate:

This made a huge amount of dal. We had enough for our dinner that night, lunch the following day, and lunch two days after that for all four of us, and we still wound up freezing some of it.

Did we like it? All of us liked it quite a bit. Sarah perhaps liked it the least, particularly on reheating, and strongly suggested trimming the amount of cilantro, which I agreed with. It was delicious, though, and I was happy eating it even the third time.

Our total cost (ignoring fractional items we had on hand): $8.29, almost entirely on fresh vegetables. Given the amount we made, though, the cost per meal was $0.69 – pretty nice!

Changes I Would Make to Save Cost and Time
First of all, I’d trim the entire recipe by half. This made far too much food for us as is. Without some significant changes, you’ll either be freezing it – not a great option, since the texture will be ruined – or eating it all the time for days.

Second, I’d cut the remaining cilantro by half – and use dried cilantro. Fresh cilantro has a stronger flavor, but dried will work fine.

Third, I’d chop the vegetables and boil the lentils the night before. Turn on a radio in the kitchen and take care of these tasks in the evening so you can toss the meal together very easily when you arrive home from work the next day.

These changes modify the recipe a fair amount, making it cheaper and perhaps slightly faster. Here’s what the new recipe would be, as modified by me:

Trent’s Chilean Dal

1 cup of lentils
1 large red potato, chopped but unskinned
1 chopped carrot
2 chopped tomatoes
1/2 hot pepper, chopped
1/2 small onion chopped
1 clove garlic chopped
8 ounces tomato sauce (small can)
1/2 tsp cumin
1 tbsp beer or sherry
olive oil
1/8 cup chopped cilantro
salt and pepper

Night before:
1. Chop potato, carrot, tomatoes, pepper, onion, garlic, and cilantro.
2. Soak and cook lentils till soft. Drain and rinse, set aside.

Next day:
1. Sautee onions, garlic, hot pepper, and cumin in olive oil. Add beer or sherry.
2. Add vinegar, potatoes, and carrots, cover with water, bring to boil.
3. Add tomatoes and cook till potatoes are soft.
4. Add lentils and tomato sauce.
5. Salt and pepper to taste. Add more water or beer if it’s too dry, or add hot sauce if you like it spicier.
6. Throw in the cilantro, take if off the heat. Serve after a few minutes.

Over the past week, my wife, my children, my parents and I all went on vacation to the Dallas/Fort Worth area (we had planned a longer road trip, but we made an on-the-fly decision to just stick around DFW). While there, we visited family and saw a large number of sights and events in the area.

Before the trip, I collected suggestions for free things to do in the area from both readers of the site and on Twitter. The response was pretty surprising, with lots of great suggestions thrown our way. I collected all of the ones suggested by multiple people, selected the handful that I was sure would be a hit with my family, and we tried out several of them.

So, here are the great free things to do in the Dallas/Fort Worth area.

Free Things We Enjoyed
Here are the four free things we really enjoyed on our trip. We tried several things, but these stood out from the pack.

Pioneer Plaza

Pioneer Plaza is a beautiful park in the middle of Dallas that features a life-size bronzed cattle drive – three cowboys herding a lot of cattle across a stream. The setting is beautiful and the sculptures are fantastic.

We wound up spending almost two hours here, even on a hot summer day. We admired all of the bronze statues, walked across the stream a few times, and my children petted a horse ridden by a Dallas police officer. It would have been a perfect place to have a picnic had we been more prepared.

You can find out more about Pioneer Plaza from the Texas Trees Foundation.

Dallas Farmer’s Market

What can I say? I love farmer’s markets. There are tons of fresh food samples, opportunities to buy delicious produce at a very low price, and almost always a surprise or two. The Dallas Farmers Market, on the quiet Wednesday morning that we were there, was sparsely crowded but had a lot of vendors happy to talk and offer samples of all kinds.

In the picture above, my daughter was discovering that she loves watermelon – she was trying a (free) piece of yellow watermelon. We wound up buying quite a few fruits at the market, which provided afternoon snacks for the family and some breakfast food as well.

You can find out more about the Dallas Farmers Market at their website.

Dealey Plaza
This is the area where President Kennedy was assassinated in November 1963. You can stand outside the School Book Depository and observe the route that Kennedy took. There’s also a lot of public works projects in the area, built in the 1930s.

Although there is actually a very nice museum nearby in the School Book Depository, I found that the actual setting outside the Depository had much more of an impact. I walked along the route that Kennedy took, absorbed the area, and thought about that tragic moment.

Wikipedia has an excellent entry on Dealey Plaza.

Fort Worth Stockyards

Over in Fort Worth, we visited the Stockyards. While there are a lot of shops in that area, there’s also a ton of free things to see and do – walking around the stockyards themselves, for starters. There are several free special events each day as well.

The highlight, though, was seeing the longhorn steers being leisurely driven down the street by three or four cowboys (pictured above). My son loved this part and kept talking about it for days afterward.

This is a great way to spend most of a day in Fort Worth. You can find out more at the Stockyards website.

Things Recommended By Two or More Readers
Here are five free activities recommended by multiple readers that we simply didn’t have time to make it to on our trip. All of these sounded like quite a bit of fun – and we would have likely done all of them had our trip been a few days longer.

Jazz Under the Stars
Each summer, the Dallas Museum of Art has a free concert series – in 2009, this series is called “Jazz Under the Stars.” Each Thursday at 8 PM, people gather at Ross Avenue Plaza, spread out blankets and picnic baskets, and enjoy a free outdoor concert by some very good jazz ensembles. More information is available at the Dallas Museum of Art website.

Crow Collection of Asian Art
The Crow Collection of Asian Art is a beautiful art museum located in the Dallas Art District that several readers raved about. It’s right in the heart of the city and features a stunning collection of Asian art, both historical and modern. Outside, there’s an extensive sculpture garden, which includes 20 statues from the French masters. Find out more at CrowCollection.org.

Farmer’s Branch Historical Park
This is a large collection of historical buildings from the 19th and early 20th century, maintained in a state as close to the original as possible. For people into folk history, this is apparently an exquisite place to visit. You can find out more about the Farmer’s Branch Historical Park here.

Morton H. Meyerson Symphony Center
The Morton H. Meyerson Symphony Center is a spectacular concert hall with extremely impressive architecture and acoustics. Built by I. M. Pei, the Center also features one of the best pipe organs in the United States. Check it out at MeyersonSymphonyCenter.com.

Thanks-Giving Square
This is an open area in the center of downtown Dallas dedicated to the idea of giving thanks as a universal human value. The location features an interfaith chapel, a stunning courtyard, and an impressive array of nature and art. Find out more about it at ThanksGiving.org.

Believe it or not, our summer vacations for the next five summers are penciled in right now. For each of those trips, I intend to do the same thing: ask around for free things to do, try out as many as I can, and report on the ones we didn’t make it to.

A few years ago, I first read David Allen’s seminal book on time management, Getting Things Done (here’s the skinny on what it’s all about). To put it bluntly, it was an epiphany for me.

Let me make it as clear as possible: without the insights from Getting Things Done, I would have never found the time to launch The Simple Dollar, nor would I have been as involved in my children’s life as I am today.

Since reading it the first time, I sit down about once a year and re-read Getting Things Done, hoping to add some new insights to my repertoire. On my first few readings, I mostly found value in reiterating the big points. Lately, though, I’ve found that the book contains a lot of hidden lessons that aren’t directly placed front and center.

Here are seven more subtle aspects of the book I’ve found useful in my life recently.

1. The best way to get things done is to “pre-work.”
The single biggest thing that constantly derails one’s effort to get to an empty inbox (i.e., to whack everything off of one’s to-do list) are deadlines. You have to get this item done by 4 PM today, so you toss aside all of the other stuff you might be working on – some of which is likely more useful than the task you’re doing – and get to work. At the end of the day, you have a full inbox/to-do list and you realize that this isn’t working too well.

Thus, one of the hidden goals of GTD is to pre-work – put in effort so that there are fewer and fewer of those urgent tasks that interrupt your work. The best way to do that is to “pre-work.” I do this by writing articles in advance. At my previous job, I used to fill out forms as early as I could, often filling them the rest of the way out with estimates, so that I wouldn’t be tied to the clock later on filling out that form. I’d write lots of “library” code that will likely have use in the future so that when the time came, I could quickly prototype things that were pretty nifty instead of burning the midnight oil.

“Pre-work” helps keep your schedule free of at least some interruptions and makes it much easier to bear down and focus on the more important tasks at hand, like the large projects that you’ve always wanted to accomplish.

2. Keep an active “someday” list – because “someday” arrives sooner than you think.
I take special effort to write down every project idea that crosses my head. Once a week or so, I’ll go through them and toss out a few of the truly frivolous ones, but for the most part, I keep that list. It’s usually between 50 and 100 projects long at any given time – and I may or may not ever do any of them.

So what’s the point? The reason is that “someday” arrives more often than you think. If I’ve managed to work through my inbox and have an empty afternoon ahead of me, the first place I turn is my “someday” list – and there’s always something worthwhile to do on there. My “someday” list produced this and this and this, among many other things.

3. The more you delete, the better.
I used to use services like Tumblr and Delicious to store piles upon piles of bookmarks for future reference. What I found, though, is that I rarely looked at them – and when I did think of trying to find something, it was like finding a needle in a haystack. It was far faster to just Google for it.

The same thing is true for paper documents. When I read a magazine, I toss it. I’ve stopped actively updating a recipe box since virtually any recipe I want is out there in the cloud. I don’t keep many books – I can just use PaperBackSwap to get any book I want again pretty quickly. Why store mountains of music when I can just use Pandora from pretty much anywhere? Sure, I keep a few of each type of thing – but why keep so much stuff when it’s easy to retrieve it again from the cloud when you want it.

Thus, I keep only the minimum amount of stuff – and it’s made my life far, far easier. Very little time is spent filing or organizing the stuff – and is instead spent getting stuff done. Erin’s right – clutter is the enemy of success.

4. Post-It notes as task reminders are useless.
Whenever I see a person with Post-It notes all over the place with task reminders written on it, I usually expect to find that person is good-hearted but surprisingly disorganized. Why? Because Post-It notes wind up all over the place. There’s no consistent place to go to find the next task that needs to be done.

The fewer places you have to look for the next thing to be done, the more successful you’re going to be. Spreading your to-do list across a bunch of websites, notebooks, sticky notes, and other things does nothing more than ensure things will slip through the cracks and also that you’ll spend a lot of time just figuring out what to do next – both are enemies of getting things done.

A single system, even if it’s nowhere near the best system, is better than three or four great systems.

5. Hands-free collection of ideas and to-dos is a winner.
I go back and forth between using a voice recorder and using a small microphone attached to my iPod Touch, but in either case, I find that having the ability to record thoughts while my hands are otherwise engaged (or at least one hand is) is absolutely amazing for productivity.

The key, though, is to make sure these thoughts are actually saved and processed somewhere. I listen to my voice recordings every day and jot them down in their appropriate place so that they don’t get lost in the shuffle.

What’s the benefit? Many of my best ideas come up out here:

I’m pushing one of my kids on the swing and an idea pops into my head. If I try to hold it there, I tend to forget it. If I stop pushing my kid to write it down, the moment is often broken and the child runs away to do something else. Instead, I just pull out that voice recorder with one hand, speak my thought, and keep going in the moment.

6. If you feel negative about something, address it immediately.
Sometimes, I get the sense I’m forgetting something important. When that feeling comes up, I pay attention to it, because it’s usually right. I almost always stop, check my calendar and my inbox, and almost always, I find that there was something that needs to be taken care of.

Trust your instincts, particularly when you’re going through daily routines that are familiar to you. If something sets off your radar and gives you a feeling that something’s not right, listen to it. Address it now rather than later.

This is actually a great principle for life in general. If you feel like something’s wrong in a relationship, address it sooner rather than later. If you feel like something’s wrong with a larger project, spend some time evaluating the project as a whole now before a bunch of work goes to waste.

7. The mechanics of the system itself are not all-powerful.
Every time I’ve run into problems with keeping track of the things I need to do, it’s because I’ve made things too complicated. For me, it’s simple. I jot down things I need to do wherever I’m at. When I’m at a computer, I record them all in one central place (I use Evernote). I keep an “inbox,” a calendar, a project list, and a “someday” list. And that’s it.

For some people, this is overkill. For others, this is not nearly enough. Everyone has a different level of organization that works. The point is if you find yourself fighting your system, then your system isn’t working. It’s either too simple or too complex – and I usually bet on too complex.

No system is all-powerful. No system is perfect for everyone. Instead, mix and match elements until you find what works for you.

Good luck!

All of us have things we don’t want and, at the same time, want or need other things. Usually, the transition between the two requires selling what you don’t want and buying what you want or need – but often, you lose value on both transactions.

A better solution is bartering – exchange something you have for something of roughly equal value that someone else has. This works quite well in some environments, but it’s often difficult to find like-minded people to barter with.

That’s where the internet comes in handy. Here are fourteen great services for bartering, most of them operating by mail and from the convenience of home. I use most of the services listed below and I’ve mentioned quite a few of them before – some of them, particularly PaperBackSwap, are part of the fabric of my life at this point.

Let’s dive right in and get bartering! (One quick note: the sites that trade “everything” aren’t necessarily the best places to go – often, it’s difficult to find things you want on those sites. I find the niche sites have a much higher level of success for that specific area.) For a few links, I’ve included my email address in the link if you click on it so I can quickly touch base with any readers who sign up for the service.

BabysitterExchange
http://www.babysitterexchange.com/
What you can trade: babysitting, carpooling, pet-sitting, tutoring, etc.

This website essentially helps you set up a babysitting, tutoring, pet-sitting, or similar neighborhood sharing cooperative online. Here’s how it works: you get a small group of families who all know each other, then you all sign up for BabysitterExchange. The site helps you schedule exchanges of common tasks like babysitting and so forth, enabling all members of the cooperative to essentially have those services for free (and with easy access) in exchange for providing the service every once in a while.

BizXchange
http://www.bizx.com/
What you can trade: business services and goods

Quite often, businesses are heavily involved in fairly similar marketplaces but aren’t in direct competition with one another. In those situations, it makes a lot of sense for those businesses to cooperate strongly with one another with regards to many specific business elements – sales, marketing, and so forth. BizXchange helps businesses interested in such exchanges to find each other and help set up healthy relationships.

Craigslist
http://www.craigslist.org/
What you can trade: everything

Craigslist is a three ring circus – newspaper classifieds gone wild. There are countless items and services for sale and trade. Digging through it is kind of like walking through a carnival – there are all sorts of interesting sideshows and you may or may not find what you want, but you’ll enjoy the trip!

Freecycle
http://www.freecycle.org/
What you can trade: everything

Freecycle is kind of like Craigslist’s DIY libertarian cousin. It revolves around people wanting to give things away – items they have that they just want to find a good home for. It has its own culture – it’s generally considered good form to both give and take, not just take, making it more of a laid-back bartering site.

Game Trading Zone
http://gametz.com/
What you can trade: video games

Game Trading Zone is a service that lets you set up trades for video games and video game accessories. Instead of listing what you have and receiving credit for those listings, Game Trading Zone allows individual users to trade with each other. They browse each others’ libraries, set up trades, possibly throw in other items, then ship things to one another.

Goozex
http://www.goozex.com/
What you can trade: video games, computer games

On the other hand, Goozex also allows trading of video games and computer games, but instead of requiring users to set up trades, it assigns a point value to each game or peripheral you list. Trades are made basically by moving those points around – if someone with enough points to request an item you have requests it, you send the item away and receive those points, which you can then use to request any other items that are listed. More efficient – but sometimes less fun – than the Game Trading Zone system.

PaperBackSwap
http://www.paperbackswap.com/
What you can trade: books

What can I say? I love PaperBackSwap. I’m an avid reader, and that often means that my shelves get overstuffed with books. I used to take piles of them to the used book store, but I’d get at best a 2-for-1 exchange and the selection at local used book stores was limited. PaperBackSwap works much more efficiently. You just list ten books you want to trade and the site gives you two credits. A credit essentially represents a single book that you can request, so you can immediately request two books out of the more than a million books listed on the site. Want more credits? When someone requests a book you’ve listed, send it to them and receive a credit when they receive it. Shipping is easy, too – you can print off complete shipping labels directly from the site. For me, it beats used book stores in selection, convenience, time, and cost.

SwapACD
http://www.swapacd.com/
What you can trade: CDs

This service works much like PaperBackSwap, except with CDs. You receive a credit for each CD sent out; requesting a CD costs a credit and $0.49. You can swap credits between SwapACD and PaperBackSwap and SwapADVD, so you can effectively make trades in each type of media (send out DVDs and get books in return, or send out CDs and get DVDs in return, for example).

SwapADVD
http://www.swapadvd.com/
What you can trade: DVDs

Again, this works much like PaperBackSwap, except for DVDs. When you sign up, you list ten DVDs for trade and receive two credits. You receive a credit for each DVD sent out and requesting a DVD costs a credit. It’s also “credit compatible” with SwapACD and PaperBackSwap, meaning you can move credits back and forth between the sites.

SwapStyle
http://www.swapstyle.com/
What you can trade: clothing, fashion accessories

This is a perfect place to go if you’re a clothes or fashion junkie. You can swap clothes, cosmetics, shoes, handbags and so on. Although the items are all women’s fashions, several readers have told me that the items available here are quite great.

SwapThing
http://www.swapthing.com/
What you can trade: everything

SwapThing is basically a giant swapping free-for-all, where swaps are individually negotiated between two people. You simply list items you’re willing to swap, then negotiate with the lister of an item that you want. Once you come to an arrangement that makes you both happy, you send out the items.

SwapTree
http://www.swaptree.com/
What you can trade: books, CDs, DVDs, video games

SwapTree facilitates one-for-one trades of the CDs, DVDs, books, and video games you no longer want. Make a list of the items that you have and are willing to trade as well as a list of the ones you want and the site will look for people who have the item you want and want some of the items you have. The wait is sometimes long, but when you actually do make a swap, it usually feels like a great swap.

U-Exchange
http://www.u-exchange.com/
What you can trade: services such as carpentry, cleaning, electricity, etc.

U-Exchange facilitates face-to-face bartering in specific locations. Visit the site, browse through the proposed swaps in your area, and see if there’s anything that you want or can trade. It’s fun to browse, if nothing else, and you might just find a great bartering situation for you.

Zwaggle
http://www.zwaggle.com/
What you can trade: kid’s stuff: clothes, toys, accessories

Lately, I’ve become a huge fan of Zwaggle. Zwaggle is a swap site for stuff for children – in other words, a treasure trove for parents. You can swap kids’ clothes, toys, furniture, and so forth. For every item you shop, you receive a number of points (roughly equal to the dollar value of the item) which you can then spend on other items. Virtually everyone involved with the site is a parent who just wants to find bargains on high-quality items – something I can certainly identify with.

Over the last few weeks, quite a few readers have written to me asking about Angel Food Ministries. I’ve been very hesitant to discuss Angel Food Ministries on The Simple Dollar for a handful of reasons, but this is clearly a topic that many readers are interested in hearing about, so I’ll do my best to navigate this minefield (meaning, I’m pretty sure I’m going to say something that’s going to set someone off, though I’m not intending to). I should also point out that I have a bit of experience in the past with Angel Food Ministries on the ground – I’m personally aware of the type of items that they distribute.

What Is Angel Food Ministries?
Angel Food Ministries is a non-profit group that distributes low-cost food options in many communities (a typical basic box from Angel Food Ministries costs $30 and has approximately $55 worth of groceries in the box).

Most of the funding and organizational structure of Angel Food Ministries is handled through evangelical Christian churches in the United States. Many churches serve as distribution centers in local communities, and each box contains a leaflet that outlines some of the teachings of Jesus Christ.

What’s in the Box?
The May 2009 menu provides a clear example of what a box from Angel Food Ministries will provide:

.5 lb. Lean Chopped Beef Steaks (5 x 8 oz.)
5 lb. Leg Quarters
2 lb. Chicken and Corn Bread Stuffing Casserole (Ready to Cook)
28 oz. Salisbury Steak Dinner Entrée
1 lb. Boneless Pork Chops (4 x 4 oz.)
1 lb. Corn Dogs (6 ct.)
12 oz. Deli Sliced Ham
5 oz. Chunk Light Tuna in Water
32 oz. French Fries
1 lb. Sweet Corn
15 oz. Musselman’s Apple Sauce
15 oz. Pears (Product of U.S.A.)
8 oz. Dinner Roll Mix (Makes 8 Nice Rolls)
7.5 oz. Mac ’n Cheese
32 oz. 2% Shelf Stable Milk
Dozen Eggs
Dessert

This box is available for $30.

At first glance, this is a pretty good deal, and if your primary concern is getting food on the table at a very low price, this is likely a great option for you.

However, if you dig a little deeper, some of these options may not be the best value for your dollar. For example, I would be hesitant to feed several of the options on that list to my children on any sort of consistent basis, at least not without some careful inspection of the actual nutrition facts and ingredients of those items (the corn dogs, the “dessert” item which is often something like Twinkies or Moon Pies, etc.) Under that perspective, though, if I were to get the box, then throw out a third of the items, I might as well simply go to the grocery store at my own convenience and choose the exact items I want for my $30. Other writers have come to largely the same conclusion – it’s a value on the surface, but the quality of items may not be up to many personal standards.

Some would argue that I am somewhat looking a gift horse in the mouth here, and I agree that I am. From my perspective, this box is one option for spending $30 in food for my family. Depending on your financial situation and your food priorities, this can be a great bargain. It mostly depends on the type of value you’re seeking.

What Angel Food Ministries Does Right
One area where Angel Food Ministries hits a home run, in my opinion, is with some of their optional packages. You can choose an optional package as an addition to the basic package, as listed above. For example, one of their optional packages for May 2009 is the “Fresh Fruit and Veggie Package”:

1 head Premium Fresh California Iceberg Lettuce
1 head Premium Fresh California Romaine Lettuce
1 5 oz. Package Fresh Gourmet Classic Caesar Croutons
1 Package Wiley’s Citrus Garlic Salad Seasoning
1 lb. California Cello-Pack Carrots
2 each Premium Jumbo Vidalia Sweet Onions
1 each Premium Jumbo Red Onion
1 6 oz. Bag Premium Fresh Florida Red Radishes
1 head Premium Fresh Green Cabbage
3 lb. Premium Idaho Baking Potatoes
3 lb. Premium Tree-Ripened Valencia Oranges
3 lb. Premium Washington State Red Delicious Apples
1 each Premium Large Vine Ripened Honeydew Melon
AFM May 2009 Fruit and Veggie Recipe Sheet

For $22, that’s a very strong deal, especially if you want to get fresh produce on the table and you’re struggling to make ends meet.

Another strong advantage of Angel Food Ministries is that they often distribute in central community locations (like churches) that are quite accessible for many families that may not have access to transportation to get to the grocery store. Using a church as a distribution center means that the distribution often occurs in the middle of a residential area, making it easier for many people to access the food – particularly those who need it the most.

Is It Right To Use This Service?
In terms of using this service, my biggest question is whether it’s a justifiable option. Quite obviously, this service is trying to target lower-income families who can really use the savings provided by the options made available through the ministry.

The question is whether or not it’s ethical – or socially appropriate – for a person with a higher income level who is simply trying to maximize every cent to take advantage of this service.

On the one hand, the service makes it clear that it’s intended for everyone. There are no requirements at all for people to take part in receiving food from Angel Food Ministries, and they claim that there is plenty of food to go around.

On the other hand, if you’re in a situation where you have a reasonably large monthly food budget, why would you choose to use this service? If you are making it your goal to feed yourself and your family a well-rounded, high quality diet, many of the options in the basic box from Angel Food Ministries probably do not fit the bill, making it much less of a savings for you.

Thus, I think the question really comes down to your own personal food choices. If you are in a tight financial place and the goal is to get sanitary and diverse food options on the table at the lowest cost possible for your family, Angel Food Ministries is where you should go – and you’re exactly the type of person the service was designed for. On the other hand, if you have enough of a food budget that you can make detailed conscious choices about what goes on your table and what does not, you’re likely better off going to the grocery store and the farmer’s market – which, again, is appropriate.

In other words, Angel Food Ministries somewhat self-regulates – if this is a good deal for your life situation, they’re ready and willing to help. For me, though, I’ll stick with my own meal planning, which gives me much more control over what goes on my table (albeit at a higher price – a price I’m willing to pay).

Angel Food Ministries as a Charity
As you can see, in large part, I support the work that Angel Food Ministries does on the ground in getting low cost foods to people who really need them. In fact, I had considered donating to Angel Food Ministries in the past – and, as I’ve mentioned before, that means I sat down to research how the charity itself worked.

What I found sent up a few pretty big red flags for me.

First of all, the charity is not listed with Charity Navigator, an impartial service that evaluates charities in terms of how they manage themselves internally and how much of their revenue actually goes towards charitable work. This is a basic step that many charities of any size take on – it’s the honest way to conduct a charity.

Second, the charity is being investigated by the FBI for reasons that are not being made clear by either the charity or the FBI. Here’s some details on the investigation.

Perhaps the biggest red flag, however, comes from MinistryWatch, a watchdog group for Christian-affiliated charities. It issued a “donor watch” for Angel Food Ministries, stating the following:

Angel Food Ministries is marketing to help individuals that are on the low economic side of the scale and in “need”; however, the leadership for the organization has higher salaries than the norm. In addition, the higher salaries consist of the leadership of individuals that are related. This is just for the known year of 2006, it is unknown of the more current years.

1. Wesley J. Wingo: $588,529
2. Linda Wingo: $544,043
3. Andrew Wingo: $529,014
4. Wesley Wingo: $454,673
5. L.M. Wingo: $384,694

Let alone the fact that these five people are related, the individual salaries are above and beyond what charities typically pay their employees, even large charities at the highest management levels.

Obviously, these discoveries are much more of interest to people who are considering donating to Angel Food Ministries. This should in no way prevent you from using Angel Food Ministries in your community.

My Final Take
On the ground, Angel Food Ministries provides a good service that many people really need – a lot of food at a very reasonable price at the expense of flexibility. For someone in a poor financial situation, Angel Food Ministries can really be a godsend.

However, as a broader charity, I would not donate to Angel Food Ministries when there are many highly ethical charities out there to contribute time and effort to. In many larger cities, there are local versions of Angel Food Ministries that you can donate to or be involved with – just ask around in your own community.

Every other Sunday, The Simple Dollar reviews a personal finance book.

Rich Like Them by Ryan D’Agostino follows in the tradition of The Millionaire Next Door and The Difference: it interviews a large group of millionaires in order to figure out what traits they have in common.

Rich Like Them takes this tactic and runs in a slightly different direction with it. The author, Ryan D’Agostino, identified the fifty richest zip codes in the United States and went to forty nine of them. He quite literally went door to door, knocking on the doors of people in these communities, and asking them if they’d be willing to discuss how they “made it.” Surprisingly, he got a roughly 10% success rate, even including the droves of people that weren’t home or avoided the interview.

The result of these interviews is Rich Like Them – a collection of the advice that D’Agostino collected on this journey. In fact, he codifies all of this advice into five general areas.

One: Open Your Eyes
We’re all almost drowning in opportunities. The problem is that many of us simply don’t see them. We’re either too focused on the specific little thing at hand or simply aren’t keeping our mind open when we’re “off the clock.” Every person you meet and every situation you’re in is an opportunity not only to improve yourself, but to connect to others and open the door to money-making possibilities.

What steps can you take? Build relationships with people – and, even better, try to connect those relationships to each other, because bringing people together in a useful way is one of the best things you can do. Listen to what people are actually saying and doing – and try as hard as you can to keep your own conclusions out of the mix.

Two: Luck Doesn’t Exist
Luck is mostly about preparation. If you have the ability to record great ideas and to take immediate advantage of opportunities that come your way, you’ll seem much more lucky than the guy who never writes anything down and doesn’t have a hefty savings account.

What steps can you take? Write down ideas as soon as they come to you. Have an “opportunity fund” in the bank in cash form that you can use when something great comes along. Surround yourself with people who are doing useful and interesting things.

Three: The Economics of Obsession
Find something you’re passionate about and throw yourself in head first. Become obsessed with what you’re doing. Read everything you can get your hands on. Meet everyone even remotely related to your passion. Try it all. Practice, practice, practice.

What steps can you take? Figure out what you’re truly passionate about, then when you find it, make it central to your life. Surround yourself with people and activities that reinforce that passion. Become so obsessed, in fact, that others sometimes find it almost scary.

Four: The Myth of Risk
Risk is real, but most people use risk as an excuse not to try things. Instead, you should build a safety net for yourself and take that leap sometimes. A risk that others aren’t willing to take is often the source of an incredible opportunity for someone who is passionate and is prepared.

What steps can you take? Make your own life as financially secure as you can. Dig into opportunities and figure out their real risks. Realize that if something is truly in your wheelhouse, you’re likely to face less risk than someone less impassioned.

Five: Humility
Above all, no matter what happens, be humble. Humility takes you far in life – you can mess up and you will. The way you treat others often winds up matching the way they treat you, especially at that key moment when you really need their help.

What steps can you take? Treat everyone well. Don’t complain about the behavior of others – instead, set your own example. Be humble about your accomplishments instead of bragging about them.

The Best Part: Little Points of Wisdom
The part of this book that really stuck with me was the short principles and quotes inserted throughout the book every few pages. I collected these pieces together, simply because I thought they were so incredibly worthwhile:

Don’t forget your goal – even when you’re on vacation
Where others see death, imagine life
When you hear someone say “If only I could…,” you’re hearing an opportunity
Connect the people you meet
Even when you find the sure thing, save some money for a rainy day
Once you connect the dots, follow through
Choose your purpose, and don’t let anyone tell you you’re wrong
Remember: with time comes free money
Watch your pennies, no matter how many you have
Keep your cool – it’s a big part of persevering
Don’t deviate from your planned path to get a quick gain
Perseverance doesn’t take forever
Once you find your calling, persevering is easy
Remember that you can’t do a business transaction with yourself
Prepare to get lucky
Find a driver other than money – it’s usually more lucrative than money alone
Do one thing and do it well
Obsess over whatever job you have
Take your mind off the money – you’ll earn more
Don’t plan a career – plan a life
Obsession makes you work harder
If you look forward to going to work, that’s a good sign
Discover love through immersion
Turn fear into passion
Never stop being a student
Calculate every risk – even the one you live in
Look for your window to go solo
You want autonomy? Let it motivate you
Be cocky when it counts
Don’t worry about what other people think
Reduce risk by believing in yourself
When you fail miserably, rejoice
If you hate your career, um, change it
Sometimes the biggest risk is doing nothing
Never let pride get in the way of profit
Be humble even if you’re as rich as Brooke Astor
Understand your limitations
Don’t be a slave to Plan A – it’ll prevent you from seeing plan B
Don’t be afraid to make less than your spouse
Never feel as if you’re too successful to sweat
Remember that you are not, nor will you ever be, a god or goddess

Good stuff, all around. Somewhere in there is a piece of advice that is probably a life changer for you.

Is Rich Like Them Worth Reading?
Rich Like Them is a spectacular handbook for someone who is a self-starter with an entrepreneurial bent. If you’ve got a strong desire to build your own success, the advice in this book can provide a great foundation.

If that doesn’t sound like you, Rich Like Them doesn’t have as much to offer. Unlike The Millionaire Next Door and The Difference, the focus here is strongly on entrepreneurial behaviors – taking advantage of the opportunities around you.

So, here’s the deal: if you have an entrepreneurial nature, Rich Like Them is an excellent read; if not, I highly recommend giving The Millionaire Next Door and The Difference a read.

After reading my recent article about cooperating with your neighbors to share resources, my always-sharp wife Sarah made a great point.

“You know, we have a perfect example of this at work out in our yard right now.”

And she’s right. Here’s a picture of it.

The play equipment above sits exactly on the property line with our neighbors to the south – the property line actually runs just to the right of the slide. The entire piece is used extensively by both families – we have a three year old and a one year old, whereas the neighbors to the south have a six year old and a four year old.

This item was already in place on the property when we moved in – it came with the house. The previous owners of our home and the home to the south each wanted a large, wooden play area for their respective children, but instead they got together and made the frugal decision to split the cost of the play equipment.

When we moved in, one of the first things we did was discuss the arrangement with our neighbors to the south. It turned out to be a great way to introduce ourselves to them and a great way to have our children begin to play with each other. According to them, they actually bought the very play set that they intended to buy for their children – they just paid half the price for it and got all of the use out of it.

Later, when that family moved out, a new family moved in to the south of us. This provided them an opportunity to meet new neighbors (us) and have our children bond – and they certainly have. The younger child next door and our older son play together regularly and the older child next door loves “mothering” our toddler-aged daughter.

What about liability? Whenever I discuss this arrangement, this is often the first question we’re asked. In this situation, house insurance would cover any claims that resulted from the equipment, just as if another child without health insurance was hurt while playing in our yard. In most practical situations, though, common sense and an ongoing, healthy relationship with our neighbor takes precedence – we’re all aware of a lack of any sort of ill intent with the equipment and the social costs of any sort of legal action in this situation would be tremendous.

What are the potential benefits? As enumerated above, the play equipment itself saved each family 50% on the initial purchase (or it could allow for the families to combine resources to purchase an even better set of play equipment). It also reduced the work load on each family by half when the equipment was actually installed.

After the purchase, it facilitated a better relationship between each pairing of neighbors that lived there – and also helped build a friendship between the children.

What are the potential drawbacks? The drawbacks come if the situation changes. If one family moves out, the new family that moves in has to be agreeable to the situation or else you may have a legal problem (though most situations like this are resolved by common sense). Thankfully, two such moves have occurred since the equipment was installed without any problems.

Another problem that may occur is if one family wants to do something different with the property line, such as installing a fence. Again, we’re fairly lucky in this regard – we have a large shared lawn area where the children of many families play together and most of the families are loathe to interrupt this with a fence or other obstruction.

Yet, even in the face of these drawbacks, the shared play equipment has been an enormous win for us. Half the price, half the labor, all the enjoyment, and a built-in opportunity to bond with your neighbors. Sounds like a great deal for me!