As I write this, I’m sitting in the hospital waiting for the arrival of my daughter. When you read this, she may have already arrived. My wife is in the early stages of labor and is resting, so I’m sitting here typing away, my mind full of all sorts of thoughts on the subject of having another child.
Can I afford it? The numbers tell me that we can afford this child easily, but the uneasiness of additional day care costs and everything else means that we’re going to be walking even more of a tight rope than before. My reaction is, as always, to make sure things are as secure as I can, so this means building up that emergency fund even higher.
How will I find the time? The high point of my day is the block of time I set aside to spend with my family, and most of that has revolved around having our son as the centerpiece of things. I want to continue to give him this rich attention while also spreading it to my daughter without shortchanging either one of them. How will I find the time? How will I balance it so everything is right?
Have I made good decisions since we found out she was coming? We bought a four bedroom house, almost tripling our living space. We started a 529 plan, funding it actually a bit better than we funded our son’s at first. We already have survivorship plans in place for both children, with guardians that were the best choice of the options available to us. Yet I sit here and wonder are we really ready?
Can I possibly love this baby as much as I love my son? Even now, knowing that he’s fine with his grandparents and that it would be a mess to have him here right now, I’d rather have him with me, teaching him things – reading a book to him, walking with him as he explores while my wife rests, and so forth. He brings such peace and such pure joy to my life that I can’t help but wonder if I can love my daughter that much. A piece of me somewhere is reassuring me that I will, that it will all make sense when I hold her. That piece of me is probably right.
All I know is this. My wife is resting now. Her eyes are closed and she’s facing away from me, probably not even realizing that I’m writing this right now. Without her as a part of my life, I genuinely wonder if I could do this. With her support, love, friendship, and care, I know that I can do this – her strength, intelligence, and fortitude constantly amaze me and drive me on to greater things. The support of someone you truly care about, and who truly cares about you as an equal, is more valuable than anything else.