Who Judges You?

I think all of us have had experiences where we felt judged by others.

We’re out in public and someone looks at us with a strange look on their face.

You try to strike up a conversation with someone and they just don’t respond and look away.

You notice someone staring at you or at your car or home from afar.

An office clique forms with you on the outside.

These are experiences that we’re all familiar with, at least some of the time. It’s a sense that somehow we’re being judged.

For a long time, this type of judgment bothered me. When I would receive reactions like this or find myself in situations like this, I would feel judged.

Was I somehow inadequate? Was I somehow less than those judging me?

I’d look for ways to make up for it. I’d buy nicer clothes. I’d buy shiny gadgets. I bought a shiny new truck. I’d buy dinner for people.

At the end of the day, though, I’d still see the same stares and conversations.

That’s when I realized that the only judging that was really there – or, at least, the only judging I had any real impact on – was entirely within me.

I was the judge, not them.

(Yes, of course, some people judge others. Guess what? It doesn’t matter what you do. Those people will still judge you.)

You are the only judge of you that matters. All of the judgments that you think others make of you are either (a) entirely in your own mind or (b) are coming from people whose judgments you can’t influence with your own actions.

What can you do about it? The only thing you can do about it is to strive to improve yourself. Don’t spend your time and money buying things. Spend your time improving those things about yourself that you see need improving, and put your money right in the bank where it belongs.

The things you buy to cover up something that might be judged are just that – a cover. If you can see right through it – and you will – so will the people you sense are judging you.

Real change is the only solution. Don’t buy a product to make you appear rich or appear successful. Instead, work on actually becoming rich and becoming successful. The time and money you spend buying something to deflect judgment does nothing but make it harder to actually achieve it.

You don’t need a shiny car. You need a shiny plan.

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